ILs refuse to stop working so DH wants them to move in with us

[Anonymous]

Your husband's parents are not going to want to stay indoors in your apartment for the next several months - he is deluding himself. Are they even going to agree to come, knowing they will have to stay indoors and shut down their business?

[Anonymous]

This is ridiculous. His parents are adults. If they are willing to move in with you...then they should be willing to stay in their own home. The fact they refuse is stupid of them. Let his parents make their own choices. If they are able bodied enough to work, then they can take personal responsibility and stay home. I would not want them in my space for that long..you will go nuts. Do not give in to this.

Now, if his parents needed help and had no place to go, then that would be a different story. This is not the case. His parents sound like toddlers. Your husband sounds unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t make parents do things. They don’t lose their rights to autonomy just because we don’t like their decisions. Uncomfortable, but true.

OP here and yes, I completely agree. My parents are the same age as ILs and very concerned about their risky behavior, but they told me that it's up to ILs to decide to stop working on their own and that it's not my and DH's place to try to control their behavior. I was surprised by their position, at first, but now I see that autonomy is something that all older people are sensitive to.

Can you take the baby and say at your parents while ILs stay with DH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not one of the DCUMers who are constantly advocating divorce. I am a firm believer that marriage is a compromise and both parties have to work to make any marriage good and healthy. That said, it doesn't sound like your DH will ever compromise on anything, and this is just a sign of what is to come in a whole assortment of issues.

I think you need to ask yourself how you feel about the longterm chances for your marriage surviving. Do you want to stay married to him, given that is personality likely won't change? If you did divorce, can you support yourself and the kids? I suspect he would make divorce a nightmare.

If you do love him and do want to stay married to him, then I don't see how you keep the ILs away. And then you might very well be facing them living with you even longer term.

Your husband clearly has a stronger bond to his parents than his own children and uses unreasonableness to get his way. Guilting you over his parents' potential death due to their own irresponsible behavior, at the risk of your own family, is not a psychologically healthy man, IMO.

This. You are married to a man-child who does not respect you. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

What's the long term plan? If they shut the grocery store, will they go out of business? If the store really is "everything" to them, what would happen in that scenario? What would they do with their lives?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The 4 month old baby of a New York firefighter just died of covid. It was on abc news.

Please. This man doesn’t care about his own newborn, you think he’s going to care about someone else’s?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's the long term plan? If they shut the grocery store, will they go out of business? If the store really is "everything" to them, what would happen in that scenario? What would they do with their lives?

Well the husband would obviously want his parents to live with OP forever. I would not last 3 days!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t make parents do things. They don’t lose their rights to autonomy just because we don’t like their decisions. Uncomfortable, but true.

OP here and yes, I completely agree. My parents are the same age as ILs and very concerned about their risky behavior, but they told me that it's up to ILs to decide to stop working on their own and that it's not my and DH's place to try to control their behavior. I was surprised by their position, at first, but now I see that autonomy is something that all older people are sensitive to.

Can you take the baby and say at your parents while ILs stay with DH?

Take the preschooler too... Remember, dad doesn’t believe in car seats. He simply doesn’t care about the safety of any of his children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the long term plan? If they shut the grocery store, will they go out of business? If the store really is "everything" to them, what would happen in that scenario? What would they do with their lives?

Well the husband would obviously want his parents to live with OP forever. I would not last 3 days!

And he’s treating her like this when they have a newborn! She’s still recovering and he’s being a total and complete a$$hole. What a jerk.

I get that it’s hard to put things into perspective when you’re in the middle of a stressful situation but after the dust settles, OP you will see how much of a piece of scum your husband was being in a very vulnerable time. He doesn’t have “outlier beliefs” he has a$$hole beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What's the long term plan? If they shut the grocery store, will they go out of business? If the store really is "everything" to them, what would happen in that scenario? What would they do with their lives?

Well the husband would obviously want his parents to live with OP forever. I would not last 3 days!

Ha! I can just imagine all the crazy beliefs that this guy’s parents would have!

You’re going to be taking care of a newborn and battling 3 people over car seats, giving the newborn honey, sleeping on his back, and on and on.

[Anonymous]

Please stop having kids with that man. He had severe psychological problems.

And also start planning a divorce. You will end up that way eventually anyway. Do NOT compromise on anything in the meantime. In-laws staying with you is downright ridiculous, let alone such unreasonable in-laws and such a nutcase DH.

Start planning your escape now. Make sure you document all the stuff about the kids, it will be important soon for custody.

[Anonymous]

This doesn't make sense if they own a business. 1500 is pretty large depending on your standards. We have 1000.

[Anonymous]

OP You’re in a really tough spot. However, as I see it the answer is clear. No, they cannot come and live with you not with the way they’ve been behaving. A couple of days stuck inside and they would be begging your husband to let them go out with the children. I guarantee you he will say yes. So you might as well buy some cemetery plots for your two children if you’re going to go ahead and do this. I’m sorry to be so blunt but this is an absolute no brainer.

Your other issue is your husband’s complete disregard for the law and safety issues when it comes to young children. Do not drive with him if you have the toddler or the baby. If he cannot respect the law then he goes alone. And I’m sorry to say that if he gets any custody in a divorce Your children will be in grave danger due to this asshole. Think long and hard as to what’s worth it more—the life of your children or the life of your marriage. Choose wisely and fight like hell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The 4 month old baby of a New York firefighter just died of covid. It was on abc news.

Please. This man doesn’t care about his own newborn, you think he’s going to care about someone else’s?

Yes, the baby just died. 5 months old. And the point of posting this is that DH doesn't seem to think baby (and children) are at risk. Here is a data point that proves otherwise. And it will be telling if DH still doesn't believe they are at risk after learning this. I do agree that he doesn't appear to care about his own children, and certainly not his wife.

[Anonymous]

OP, I can understand your situation, may be it's cultural.
I feel much at ease when my mil is staying with us as oppose to India...
Here my husband see her actions instead of just hearing and getting tensed.
You can let you in-laws come to stay with you, they will be able to help with the preschooler.
You husband will be more at peace and so will you.
Take care and best wishes...