ILs refuse to stop working so DH wants them to move in with us

[Anonymous]

So they would leave VA that has fewer cases to come to NYC?!! Where you managed to stay safe so far. On top of they are in contact with hundreds of people all the time?! Does your DH understand how this virus spreads? And how likely they are to just stay at home all the time in your tiny apartment?! This sounds like the thing he thinks makes perfect sense, and he is clearly going to dig into his lunacy lest he admits he has lost it. Tell him he is welcome to move in with his parents, but will not be able to see you or the kids until such time when it is safe to do so. Might be weeks, months, or years.
Has your DH lost his effing mind?! Please show him my reply!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So your DH’s parents are providing an essential service to their community and your DHs plan is to stop them. So the community suffers and your family is put at risk? This sounds like a lose-lose situation.

Yes the grandparents are risking their lives but they are actually doing so for a good reason. It’s not like they are just socializing for pleasure.

Every one but her DH sounds normal and sane in this scenario! They are earning money, keeping busy, certainly not great that covid is here. OP should talk to her ILS, who need to tell their son to sh*t up! I am sure they had to see some therapist for him many time before!

[Anonymous]

Babies have died from covid! Back in my country that only has 166 deaths, one twin died, not sure about how many months old. What about the baby from Connecticut that died? Family in NYC is saying that their 4 month old died from corona, it is in the news just yesterday! Even two weeks ago CDC said that 3 kids have died from covid. I know they are trying to deny the case from Harford, but come on!

[Anonymous]

I guess now you know op. You know where your dh's perceived loyalties lie. And it is not with preserving the life of your children and you. You do not matter to him at all.
It doesn't mean that his parents should not matter to him, they should. To him, you come after, nobody in their right mind would suggest this in normal circumstances that they move in after you gave birth! But it times of corona! This is insane. Any normal and caring husband would have suggested that you go to them, after all of you isolate for two weeks, and hence forth you, the kids and maybe him(though I would ditch him) his parents stay together where there is less danger and more opportunity for walk in nature. (Presuming they are not in a very urban area, but still, Virginia is not NYC).

[Anonymous]

Your husband is from a different culture, isn't he?

[Anonymous]

So, your husband is mentally ill to the point that he does underhanded things to potentially harm a preschooler...and you knew all this but, decided after several years of marriage to go ahead and have kids?

My god, I feel so bad for your kids. Unless you like your kids dead, you cannot divorce him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP back again. It looks like we have some resolution... DH told me this afternoon that ILs decided not to come at all. Maybe it was more DH's wishful thinking that he could convince them to come. I spoke with my mom this morning, she and my ILs are same generation/same culture and she said "you can tell DH that your ILs can come because no way are they going to." Looks like Mom does know best.

As to the bigger picture of my DH's issues, yes, I'm aware of them, we've been married for 10 years. We were in couples therapy when sheltering in place began. He is 85% okay and 15% WTF crazy, but at least he's willing to go into therapy so hopefully, we can work with the 15% crazy.

Incidentally, I had no idea that infants were at greater risk of covid 19; last I heard was a few weeks ago when they were saying that there were no deaths and only mild symptoms for the under 10 lot. I thought that if our ILs came, we were putting all of the adults at risk, but I thought the kids would be okay. Never would I knowingly put my child at serious risk. And no, I don't compromise on the car seat, I make sure the kids are strapped in before we start driving. And now that we have a baby, DH sits in the front and no longer fiddles with car seat straps while I'm driving.

Thanks everyone for your advice.

Good luck. I am glad to hear you are in counseling with him. I know it's not so easy just to just up and divorce.

[Anonymous]

OP, are your in laws from another culture?

[Anonymous]

So basically your in-laws don't do what your DH wants them to do and now he'd like to put them in an "adult time out" by moving them away from the thing they, in his mind, can't control themselves from doing.

Why is this a mature reaction? They are grown adults of sound mind making informed decisions. Even if DH doesn't agree with those decisions, his parents have made their choice. He's trying to manipulate them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is from a different culture, isn't he?

OP and her DH are from the same culture. Plus, plenty of white Americans are morons. Actually, most of them are.

[Anonymous]

OP and her DH win the Darwin award. Even if it’s not statistically proven that newborns experience greater symptoms from Covid-19, natural instinct is to protect your newborn from external things until they’ve developed their immune system. Of course, you also hear idiot mothers bragging that they took their newborns to Target or brunch on the way home from the hospital. They also win the Darwin Award.