Why do some men look elsewhere when their wives are pregnant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the question is really "why do some men/women look elsewhere?" Full stop. Because they do it when their wives are pregnant. When their wives aren't pregnant. They do it whenever. There is always a milestone or special something (a birthday, an anniversary, a holiday ...) that can be held against the cheater by the cheated upon to express how much worse it is because the cheater cheated at that particular time (my birthday! President's Day! Our anniversary!).

But, it isn't. Because the cheater is just cheating without a thought for you at all. It isn't worse that he cheated the same week as your birthday when you were pregnant for little Larlo. It isn't. It doesn't matter that your cheater cheated in your anniversary month. It isn't of any significance that your cheater took time between Christmas and New Year's to see his girlfriend, and didn't spend that time with your family. Because none of it actually had anything to do with you, the cheated upon. It has everything to do with the selfishness of the cheater.

Most men look elsewhere to meet their sexual needs which are unmet at home. What's hard to understand about that? Easy to avoid this: maintain a sexually active marriage, doesn't need to be PIV, but SOMETHING on a regular basis, will avoid 99% of all husbands who cheat.

A tiny minuscule fraction of men who have active sex lives also cheat, but those numbers are so small not even worth discussing in this thread.

I think you are the poster who religiously preaches the need to declare sexless marriages open.

Anyway, while I agree that there are many men who cheat because they are sexually starved, and said men would be faithful if they had a sexually fulfilling marriage, you are deluding yourself if you think only 1% of men who cheat are the sexually fulfilled ones. Men also cheat for the thrill, variety, and all the reasons that cheating is fun regardless of moral consequences. I wonder if you have ever been immersed in the business world of attractive men who travel for work. Most of them cheat and it's statistically impossible all of them are in sexless marriages.

If you want to quibble over my number (1% versus like 4% or even 5%) that's inconsequential. The fact is VAST majority of married men who cheat are in that "sexually starved" group just as you acknowledged, so I think we are generally in agreement. Surely you were not claiming men who don't normally travel or cheat, start traveling and cheating now that the wife is pregnant? So again, we agree that "sexually starved" must be the correct answer to OP's subject question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Most men look elsewhere to meet their sexual needs which are unmet at home. What's hard to understand about that? Easy to avoid this: maintain a sexually active marriage, doesn't need to be PIV, but SOMETHING on a regular basis, will avoid 99% of all husbands who cheat.

A tiny minuscule fraction of men who have active sex lives also cheat, but those numbers are so small not even worth discussing in this thread.

Angry sexless guy, please STOP ruining every thread with your complete bs. You say things like they are fact with no basis for them. Plenty of men/women cheat even when they are still sleeping with their spouse - many of them have admitted that on this forum. Please just step away from your keyboard and find something else to do. All you do here is piss people off.

+1 This idea that women should be sexually available every second of the day, regardless of their physical or emotional health, to the point of essentially allowing marital rape to avoid their partner cheating, is gross and I wish the Gods of DCUM would just ban this troll either from the site or this forum.

Nice try, strawman. The mental gymnastics to go from what I said (SOMETHING on a regular basis) to what you said (sexually available every second of the day) is that what qualifies you to name trolls and ban people? I actually answered OP's question, you did not even try. Instead you start screaming "rape" out of nowhere like a lunatic <---- Ban her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
If you want to quibble over my number (1% versus like 4% or even 5%) that's inconsequential. The fact is VAST majority of married men who cheat are in that "sexually starved" group just as you acknowledged, so I think we are generally in agreement. Surely you were not claiming men who don't normally travel or cheat, start traveling and cheating now that the wife is pregnant? So again, we agree that "sexually starved" must be the correct answer to OP's subject question.

There is no "fact", there's just your thinking. I don't think it's even possible to know what the facts are.

You said something earlier about unmet sexual needs. It may very well be true just as it may very well be true that these sexual needs simply cannot be met at home, or by any one woman. There are men who need sexual variety to feel sexually fulfilled; no matter how simpatico the wife is, she can only be herself, and thus a man who desires different women cannot be fulfilled by one. Boredom is another reason; all bodies become too familiar and boring over time. A longtime spouse, no matter how willing, cannot replace the thrill of novelty. What if a man's sexual needs include novelty? You're out of luck then. Others still cannot cope with the reality of aging - can a 50-something wife, no matter how willing, replace physical perfection of 20-year olds? What if physical attraction is simply no longer there? The wife is willing but to a husband she is no more desirable than a tree? And then there are men who desire certain things sexually that they do not wish to be performed by their wife, the mother of their children, too good to do dirty things. Things happen, life is long. Don't be so black and white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen this happen many times. Men tend to seek intimacy with other women during this time. Why do some men look elsewhere during this time? I feel sorry for their wives, carrying their child and he goes looking elsewhere behind her back. Ridiculous.

While I appreciate that most harpies on here don't want a real answer to this question, here it is: having children is scary and some men do so as a coping mechanism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
If you want to quibble over my number (1% versus like 4% or even 5%) that's inconsequential. The fact is VAST majority of married men who cheat are in that "sexually starved" group just as you acknowledged, so I think we are generally in agreement. Surely you were not claiming men who don't normally travel or cheat, start traveling and cheating now that the wife is pregnant? So again, we agree that "sexually starved" must be the correct answer to OP's subject question.

There is no "fact", there's just your thinking. I don't think it's even possible to know what the facts are.

You said something earlier about unmet sexual needs. It may very well be true just as it may very well be true that these sexual needs simply cannot be met at home, or by any one woman. There are men who need sexual variety to feel sexually fulfilled; no matter how simpatico the wife is, she can only be herself, and thus a man who desires different women cannot be fulfilled by one. Boredom is another reason; all bodies become too familiar and boring over time. A longtime spouse, no matter how willing, cannot replace the thrill of novelty. What if a man's sexual needs include novelty? You're out of luck then. Others still cannot cope with the reality of aging - can a 50-something wife, no matter how willing, replace physical perfection of 20-year olds? What if physical attraction is simply no longer there? The wife is willing but to a husband she is no more desirable than a tree? And then there are men who desire certain things sexually that they do not wish to be performed by their wife, the mother of their children, too good to do dirty things. Things happen, life is long. Don't be so black and white.

DP and this PP is exactly right. The people on here that proclaim "only evil people cheat" and "it has nothing to do with being sexually neglected" are as useless as the troll who insists its only about sexual deprivation.

Humans and nuanced, human sexuality is an incredibly powerful force and motivator and to boil it down to simplistic reasons might make you feel in control (if he's good, he will never cheat - if you kept me satisfied, I would be faithful). Sometimes, good people make bad decisions and sometime spouses neglect their marriages to predictable results.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the question is really "why do some men/women look elsewhere?" Full stop. Because they do it when their wives are pregnant. When their wives aren't pregnant. They do it whenever. There is always a milestone or special something (a birthday, an anniversary, a holiday ...) that can be held against the cheater by the cheated upon to express how much worse it is because the cheater cheated at that particular time (my birthday! President's Day! Our anniversary!).

But, it isn't. Because the cheater is just cheating without a thought for you at all. It isn't worse that he cheated the same week as your birthday when you were pregnant for little Larlo. It isn't. It doesn't matter that your cheater cheated in your anniversary month. It isn't of any significance that your cheater took time between Christmas and New Year's to see his girlfriend, and didn't spend that time with your family. Because none of it actually had anything to do with you, the cheated upon. It has everything to do with the selfishness of the cheater.

Most men look elsewhere to meet their sexual needs which are unmet at home. What's hard to understand about that? Easy to avoid this: maintain a sexually active marriage, doesn't need to be PIV, but SOMETHING on a regular basis, will avoid 99% of all husbands who cheat.

A tiny minuscule fraction of men who have active sex lives also cheat, but those numbers are so small not even worth discussing in this thread.

I think you are the poster who religiously preaches the need to declare sexless marriages open.

Anyway, while I agree that there are many men who cheat because they are sexually starved, and said men would be faithful if they had a sexually fulfilling marriage, you are deluding yourself if you think only 1% of men who cheat are the sexually fulfilled ones. Men also cheat for the thrill, variety, and all the reasons that cheating is fun regardless of moral consequences. I wonder if you have ever been immersed in the business world of attractive men who travel for work. Most of them cheat and it's statistically impossible all of them are in sexless marriages.

If you want to quibble over my number (1% versus like 4% or even 5%) that's inconsequential. The fact is VAST majority of married men who cheat are in that "sexually starved" group just as you acknowledged, so I think we are generally in agreement. Surely you were not claiming men who don't normally travel or cheat, start traveling and cheating now that the wife is pregnant? So again, we agree that "sexually starved" must be the correct answer to OP's subject question.

Since we are anonymous, I will confess to something that I think typifies male cheating. I cheated once when my wife and I had a good sex life. It was an opportunity that presented at a business conference, work, then drinks, then chemistry, she was very attractive and I simply wasn't thinking of the consequences.

I also cheated again with a woman I wasn't even that attracted to because I was super lonely in my marriage, wife and I lost our sexual connection and I was starved for affection. I am fairly certain if this scenario presented when I was younger and happy in my marriage I would have been flattered but turned it down.

So it's not either or, and I think this is far more exemplary. But perhaps you are a boyscout and you would never, ever give into temptation and only cheat or whatever because your wife starved you. I don't know you and I doubt you would represent your situation accurately.

[Anonymous]

I’ve never see this happen! What circle do you travel in? In my case each time I got pregnant my boobs grew early on and my husband couldn’t get enough of me. At 5 months or so the positions I was most comfortable with he loved. Sure we went for 4 months or so of no PIV but he was the happy recipient of HJs and BJs. He had no need to look elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never see this happen! What circle do you travel in? In my case each time I got pregnant my boobs grew early on and my husband couldn’t get enough of me. At 5 months or so the positions I was most comfortable with he loved. Sure we went for 4 months or so of no PIV but he was the happy recipient of HJs and BJs. He had no need to look elsewhere.

You say this as if male sexuality can be reduced to the need for regular draining, doesn't matter by whom or where or how.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know 2 women this happened to. One a colleague and one an old college teammate. It was devastating for them both. I have a feeling their husbands had been cheating before the pregnancy though.

Duh...no shit. Of course they were cheating before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never see this happen! What circle do you travel in? In my case each time I got pregnant my boobs grew early on and my husband couldn’t get enough of me. At 5 months or so the positions I was most comfortable with he loved. Sure we went for 4 months or so of no PIV but he was the happy recipient of HJs and BJs. He had no need to look elsewhere.

You say this as if male sexuality can be reduced to the need for regular draining, doesn't matter by whom or where or how.

It’s a big part of it. I have even less interest in ruining my life for some strange if my wife is constantly pleasuring me.

[Anonymous]

This is really a dumb question. OP, how do you know they weren't already cheating? What answer are you looking for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve never see this happen! What circle do you travel in? In my case each time I got pregnant my boobs grew early on and my husband couldn’t get enough of me. At 5 months or so the positions I was most comfortable with he loved. Sure we went for 4 months or so of no PIV but he was the happy recipient of HJs and BJs. He had no need to look elsewhere.

You say this as if male sexuality can be reduced to the need for regular draining, doesn't matter by whom or where or how.

Smart wives in affair-proof lasting marriages understand the need for regular draining. Why do you fight so hard against this? Yes: men really are simple creatures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It does happen, but who really knows just how often it does.

Many do this OP because many women don't want sex during pregnancy, whether it's hormonal, sick/tired, etc... So, the men look elsewhere. They cannot not have sex for a while six to nine months. That would be unthinkable for them. It's pure selfishness.

I agree with everything above... EXCEPT for that last statement.
Men need sex! It's not a matter of selfishness at all. In fact, it's selfish to offer nothing at all (for many months at a time) AND expect a man to remain sexually faithful.

Your wife is carrying *YOUR* baby, giving up her body to carry *YOUR* baby, feeding *YOUR* baby. She is tired, swollen, possibly stressed out, but because you can't wait six months to have sex she has to also see to your sexual needs while she is feeling sick with *YOUR* baby?

If she had covid and was out of commission for a month, would you still expect her to service you while she was still weak and recovering, but no longer contagious?

You are exactly the type of man who does cheat, regardless of the situation.

There you go OP.

And another example is Trump. There's your prime example. I'm guessing the male PP is a Trump supporter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was cheated on with the 2nd baby.

My therapist said it was very common for 2nd pregnancies because they think they have you trapped.

Eww that disgusting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Most men look elsewhere to meet their sexual needs which are unmet at home. What's hard to understand about that? Easy to avoid this: maintain a sexually active marriage, doesn't need to be PIV, but SOMETHING on a regular basis, will avoid 99% of all husbands who cheat.

A tiny minuscule fraction of men who have active sex lives also cheat, but those numbers are so small not even worth discussing in this thread.

Angry sexless guy, please STOP ruining every thread with your complete bs. You say things like they are fact with no basis for them. Plenty of men/women cheat even when they are still sleeping with their spouse - many of them have admitted that on this forum. Please just step away from your keyboard and find something else to do. All you do here is piss people off.

+1 This idea that women should be sexually available every second of the day, regardless of their physical or emotional health, to the point of essentially allowing marital rape to avoid their partner cheating, is gross and I wish the Gods of DCUM would just ban this troll either from the site or this forum.

Nice try, strawman. The mental gymnastics to go from what I said (SOMETHING on a regular basis) to what you said (sexually available every second of the day) is that what qualifies you to name trolls and ban people? I actually answered OP's question, you did not even try. Instead you start screaming "rape" out of nowhere like a lunatic <---- Ban her!

what is regular? Once a day, twice a day, once a month? Once a month is regular, too. It's regularly once a month. Does that suffice?