Support Group for middle aged husbands not having sex

[Anonymous]

Honestly, if I was married to Sexless Marriage Guy I wouldn't care if he had a girlfriend. I would be biding my time until the kids were in college and we didn't have to worry about splitting custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine refuses to go on getaways by ourselves

Well the world is crazy now, there is that.

But when things get closer to normal, I bet she would love to have a meal at a nice restaurant, followed by drinks and an overnight at one of the nicer hotels downtown.

When my kids were little I didn't want to get too far away from them, either. I think I would have done an overnight at a nearby hotel though.

NP here and I tried that, took my DW away for a weekend at amazing hotel for several nights and we managed one quickie. I started a thread about it and many but not all women said that is too much pressure.

Point being, if your spouse wants to have sex they will and f they don't they will find an excuse

[Anonymous]

So pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m guilty of this with my husband. Since having our kid sex just hurts. Period. I’ve talked to my gyn about it and when I was breastfeeding she suspected it was dryness and hormones and gave me estrogen cream. That didn’t help. And it’s been 2 years since breastfeeding stopped and sex still hurts and the doc has no solutions. I bite my lip through it but I just can’t do it more than once every two weeks or so. And frankly my husband knows he’s hurting me and that kills the intimacy anyway. So we’re largely sexless right now.

I say this as I would like more than anything to keep my husband happy but I literally can’t without being in pain and that’s a turnoff for him anyway. According to this thread the solution is divorce. Great. Thanks.

That’s absurd. I haven’t been able to enjoy PIV in years but we have a great sex life. You just have to learn to adapt and use your whole body and your spouses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I try to do more chores.

This definitely does help.

IMO, there are about a handful of reasons why your wife doesn't want sex with you:

1. she resents you
2. she's tired
3. you are no longer attractive (could be related to #1)
4. medical reasons (drop in hormones or other illnesses)

These are good reasons. Here are some more:

1. Do you pay attention to her pleasure? Sex gets boring when you get nothing out of it.
2. To want sex, you have to feel sexy. To feel sexy, you need to feel confident and attractive. If you constantly belittle her or criticize her, she won't feel up for anything.

Woman here invading this group. My husband is always very sweet to me and never criticizes or belittles me. That makes me want to be very sweet and nice to him and sex is part of that. And when we have sex he almost always asks what I’d enjoy because it’s not always the same and I do my best to make him happy.

Another women here. Agree with this. My entire life I used to lose interest in sex within 2-3 months of a relationship. I thought it was biological. Turns out I just picked jerks, and once I found one who treated me well, I found that I wanted sex more and more over time, not less.

[Anonymous]

I always find this kind of fascinating. I don’t understand how it happens. Kind of like I don’t understand when women say they can’t get their fiancé to commit to a wedding day.
At some point, don’t you just force the issue? Book the church, send out the invitations, and set the whole machinery in motion so that your spouse has to either show up or give some kind of explanation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not accept a sexless marriage. If she's not interested, declare the marriage open. Problem solved in 15 seconds.

+1 Do be prepared that a divorce could happen but that’s really for the best.

Inaction though means certain divorce, so there is nothing to lose.

So everyone is just going to dump their wives after menopause?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woman here invading this group. My husband is always very sweet to me and never criticizes or belittles me. That makes me want to be very sweet and nice to him and sex is part of that. And when we have sex he almost always asks what I’d enjoy because it’s not always the same and I do my best to make him happy.

Another women here. Agree with this. My entire life I used to lose interest in sex within 2-3 months of a relationship. I thought it was biological. Turns out I just picked jerks, and once I found one who treated me well, I found that I wanted sex more and more over time, not less.

So if a woman doesn’t want sex, it’s because her husband is a jerk. I get that, makes perfect sense: nobody wants sex with a jerk!

But wait: if he really is this total jerk, he would know (because she would say so) in fact she would quickly divorce him! Because who stays married to a jerk? So this “no sex with a jerk” theory cannot apply to this thread, because these guys aren’t divorced, and their wives aren’t calling them jerks, therefore they can’t be jerks.

Try again please?

[Anonymous]

To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do not accept a sexless marriage. If she's not interested, declare the marriage open. Problem solved in 15 seconds.

+1 Do be prepared that a divorce could happen but that’s really for the best.

Inaction though means certain divorce, so there is nothing to lose.

So everyone is just going to dump their wives after menopause?

It has nothing to do with menopause (which is 100% unavoidable).
It has everything to do with ceasing sex (which is 100% avoidable).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

I am sure that’s occurred to them. Don’t be cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

Maybe but why would a woman ever marry this kind of man? How does it get past the 4th date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Woman here invading this group. My husband is always very sweet to me and never criticizes or belittles me. That makes me want to be very sweet and nice to him and sex is part of that. And when we have sex he almost always asks what I’d enjoy because it’s not always the same and I do my best to make him happy.

Another women here. Agree with this. My entire life I used to lose interest in sex within 2-3 months of a relationship. I thought it was biological. Turns out I just picked jerks, and once I found one who treated me well, I found that I wanted sex more and more over time, not less.

So if a woman doesn’t want sex, it’s because her husband is a jerk. I get that, makes perfect sense: nobody wants sex with a jerk!

But wait: if he really is this total jerk, he would know (because she would say so) in fact she would quickly divorce him! Because who stays married to a jerk? So this “no sex with a jerk” theory cannot apply to this thread, because these guys aren’t divorced, and their wives aren’t calling them jerks, therefore they can’t be jerks.

Try again please?

*shrug* A lot of people won't get divorced for various reasons- kids, finances, societal pressure. I mean, you can apply your same logic and say "no man would stay married to a woman who won't have sex with him! Who stays married to that? So your "wife won't have sex with me" doesn't apply this thread, therefore all the men here are actually getting laid!"

If you want to keep telling yourself it's not your fault your wife won't sleep with you, go ahead. Doesn't affect my life at all, and I'm happily getting laid several times a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

I am sure that’s occurred to them. Don’t be cruel.

Is this true ladies? Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To the men: did it ever occur to you that perhaps you are just not good in bed and that is the reason why your wives refuse to sleep with you?

I am sure that’s occurred to them. Don’t be cruel.

I’m not trying to be cruel. It’s just that some guys refuse to self-reflect and figure out what role they play in the problem.