Please comment on tonight’s bedtime scene (5yo)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how you pick up a kid by the shirt?

Thank you for posting this because I really can't even picture this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand how you pick up a kid by the shirt?

Thank you for posting this because I really can't even picture this.

I'm imagining some heavy duty flannel top, definitely not a t-shirt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I saw my DH was in a really bad mood, I'd probably discourage him from doing the bedtime routine and ask him to go relax/have a glass of wine (if it would mellow him, not if it made him more cranky), or asked him to find us a movie to watch. But, full disclosure, even when my DH is cranky, he doesn't behave this way, so this is all hypothetical.

OP here. I'm totally happy doing the whole bedtime with DC every night and have told DH that. He insists on doing it the way we have been. He has never liked reading with DC, so if I am out of town he skips that part. He likes lying down next to DC and sometimes falls asleep/takes a short nap. Ever since DC started kindergarten he has had a little burst of energy right before bedtime. He goes to bed on the early side (7:15/7:30pm) so maybe we should push it later.

What kind of dad doesn't like reading to his kids?! Maybe he needs to read up on the importance. Reading to your kids is the #1 indicator for success. It's so important to have two involved parents who love reading.

Oh, that's just bulls*$t!
One parent reading to a child is great. If a parent can't read (there are some adults who cannot) or doesn't read English well - there are many bright immigrants who might not be able to read well enough to melodiously read a book, my grandparents being 2 of them. And just not liking to read is also a concept. He likes to lay next to him - THAT would make me CRAZY! I will read, but when it's time to say goodnight, lay down and go to sleep. I'm not laying with you, blah blah. So your DH and I would be a great team!

Perhaps he needs to go to bed a bit later. Or perhaps he needs to just LISTEN to his father and work out the kinks of "read, then lie down and fall asleep." DH might enjoy chatting with DS about his day for a little bit as they lay together - kids often like to process their day in the dark without anyone looking at them - and he could do that, then in a few minutes say ok, time to sleep now, no more talking. BUT there is NO WAY a child who just had 2 or 3 books read to him needs to be getting up and playing. It's bedtime. Playing is for before you go to bed.

Perhaps you and your husband change the routine - 7-7:15 is playtime with Dad. Then he goes upstairs, brush teeth, wash face, calls you to read read books with you and then at 7:45 Dad lays with him. he'd be getting to sleep only 15-30 minutes later but he'd have some playtime before the entire routine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is no amount of annoyance that would make my husband talk to me that way. Or vice versa.

Kid is fine. You have a bum husband.

This!

+1

JFC this is not child abuse, people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is straight up abuse. We all have grumpy days but don't take it out on the kids. I can't imagine the parents who are saying this is okay. I'd straight up tell DH never to be mean to the kids like that for no reason. Maybe that DH needs anti depressants or a therapist.

You have literally never snapped at your kid when they were overexcited at bedtime? I go camping with a bunch of families, including some who have very gentle parenting philosophies and I have seen everyone snap at their kids at one point or another and most of them physically move their kids to the location where they need to be.

To me, picking a kid up by their clothes, which makes their clothes dig in and is physically uncomfortable, is totally different from picking them up under the arms or something and putting them in bed. I don't have any problem with the latter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is straight up abuse. We all have grumpy days but don't take it out on the kids. I can't imagine the parents who are saying this is okay. I'd straight up tell DH never to be mean to the kids like that for no reason. Maybe that DH needs anti depressants or a therapist.

You have literally never snapped at your kid when they were overexcited at bedtime? I go camping with a bunch of families, including some who have very gentle parenting philosophies and I have seen everyone snap at their kids at one point or another and most of them physically move their kids to the location where they need to be.

To me, picking a kid up by their clothes, which makes their clothes dig in and is physically uncomfortable, is totally different from picking them up under the arms or something and putting them in bed. I don't have any problem with the latter.

He was in the bedroom and put the child in the bed. At most, the clothes "dug in" and were "physically uncomfortable" for 3 seconds or less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is straight up abuse. We all have grumpy days but don't take it out on the kids. I can't imagine the parents who are saying this is okay. I'd straight up tell DH never to be mean to the kids like that for no reason. Maybe that DH needs anti depressants or a therapist.

You have literally never snapped at your kid when they were overexcited at bedtime? I go camping with a bunch of families, including some who have very gentle parenting philosophies and I have seen everyone snap at their kids at one point or another and most of them physically move their kids to the location where they need to be.

To me, picking a kid up by their clothes, which makes their clothes dig in and is physically uncomfortable, is totally different from picking them up under the arms or something and putting them in bed. I don't have any problem with the latter.

He was in the bedroom and put the child in the bed. At most, the clothes "dug in" and were "physically uncomfortable" for 3 seconds or less.

Yes, but as a parent, I don't do things that cause pain to my kid without a good reason. Grab a shirt to pull a kid back from ongoing traffic? Sure. But there are better ways to pick up a 5 year old and they are easy to use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is straight up abuse. We all have grumpy days but don't take it out on the kids. I can't imagine the parents who are saying this is okay. I'd straight up tell DH never to be mean to the kids like that for no reason. Maybe that DH needs anti depressants or a therapist.

You have literally never snapped at your kid when they were overexcited at bedtime? I go camping with a bunch of families, including some who have very gentle parenting philosophies and I have seen everyone snap at their kids at one point or another and most of them physically move their kids to the location where they need to be.

To me, picking a kid up by their clothes, which makes their clothes dig in and is physically uncomfortable, is totally different from picking them up under the arms or something and putting them in bed. I don't have any problem with the latter.

He was in the bedroom and put the child in the bed. At most, the clothes "dug in" and were "physically uncomfortable" for 3 seconds or less.

Yes, but as a parent, I don't do things that cause pain to my kid without a good reason. Grab a shirt to pull a kid back from ongoing traffic? Sure. But there are better ways to pick up a 5 year old and they are easy to use.

Well, you (or whoever wrote that) didn't say "pain"--you said "uncomfortable."
I agree with some previous posters that I'm not 100% certain of what ""picking up by the shirt" entails. Maybe what I am envisioning is different than what actually happened.

But from OP's description, I am under the impression that OP often allows her kid to act like a brat, and her Dh was finally just fed up. When he finally put his foot down, OP proceeded to make it worse by asking him to "comfort" the boy who didn't get his way for the first time ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is straight up abuse. We all have grumpy days but don't take it out on the kids. I can't imagine the parents who are saying this is okay. I'd straight up tell DH never to be mean to the kids like that for no reason. Maybe that DH needs anti depressants or a therapist.

You have literally never snapped at your kid when they were overexcited at bedtime? I go camping with a bunch of families, including some who have very gentle parenting philosophies and I have seen everyone snap at their kids at one point or another and most of them physically move their kids to the location where they need to be.

To me, picking a kid up by their clothes, which makes their clothes dig in and is physically uncomfortable, is totally different from picking them up under the arms or something and putting them in bed. I don't have any problem with the latter.

God forbid a kid be physically uncomfortable for 2 seconds...because of his own misbehavior

[Anonymous]

Wow. My husband would never do that! Neither would I. Crazy.

[Anonymous]

Isn't the tag team thing likely to create more stimulation than you want at bedtime? Plus I'd read/heard about studies to the effect that dads tend to stimulate kids with play more than moms. Just seems like an extra transition at best and obviously a bad scene tonight.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing abusive about what your DH did to your son. Some of the reactions here explain why there are so many coddled, f-ed up kids in this area.

Your DH’s behavior towards you was completely unacceptable. In nearly 30 years of marriage, my husband and I have never spoken to each other like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing abusive about what your DH did to your son. Some of the reactions here explain why there are so many coddled, f-ed up kids in this area.

Your DH’s behavior towards you was completely unacceptable. In nearly 30 years of marriage, my husband and I have never spoken to each other like that.

I'm a pp in this thread.

The Dh's reaction tells me that there is a history of OP spoiling the son and Dh being fed up with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is straight up abuse. We all have grumpy days but don't take it out on the kids. I can't imagine the parents who are saying this is okay. I'd straight up tell DH never to be mean to the kids like that for no reason. Maybe that DH needs anti depressants or a therapist.

You have literally never snapped at your kid when they were overexcited at bedtime? I go camping with a bunch of families, including some who have very gentle parenting philosophies and I have seen everyone snap at their kids at one point or another and most of them physically move their kids to the location where they need to be.

To me, picking a kid up by their clothes, which makes their clothes dig in and is physically uncomfortable, is totally different from picking them up under the arms or something and putting them in bed. I don't have any problem with the latter.

He was in the bedroom and put the child in the bed. At most, the clothes "dug in" and were "physically uncomfortable" for 3 seconds or less.

You can use as many scare quotes as you want (and come back to chime in about how everyone else is too sensitive, probably :lol but it was still unneccesary and inconsiderate AT BEST.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing abusive about what your DH did to your son. Some of the reactions here explain why there are so many coddled, f-ed up kids in this area.

Your DH’s behavior towards you was completely unacceptable. In nearly 30 years of marriage, my husband and I have never spoken to each other like that.

I'm a pp in this thread.

The Dh's reaction tells me that there is a history of OP spoiling the son and Dh being fed up with it.

Yeah I kinda got that impression too. Not nice language to use but I don’t think it was coming out of nowhere. A kind conversation with your DH is in order and take responsibility for your part of it