Please comment on tonight’s bedtime scene (5yo)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is no amount of annoyance that would make my husband talk to me that way. Or vice versa.

Kid is fine. You have a bum husband.

+1

[Anonymous]

I would either fully take over bedtime, or trust your DH to do it, but not stand there advising him what to do. I understand why he was upset, although that wasn't an acceptable way to speak to you.

Your child wasn't listening and the consequence was being put in bed. That was appropriate. If you don't trust his parenting, then you both should go to therapy, but don't micromanage him.

[Anonymous]

Kids want to play at bedtime. And yes, its annoying when you're trying to get them settled down. Let the other parent handle it if you're at your limit for the day. Abusing the child is never the answer. Shame on your H.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read to 5yo son every night and then my husband comes in and finishes bedtime (15 min). Tonight husband was cranky and when I finished reading he came into the room and was annoyed that 5 yo was wanting to play. He told DC to get in bed and when DC didn’t listen, apparently picked DC up by his pajama shirt and put him in bed. DC started crying. Husband came out of the room angry. If I had gone in husband would say I was undermining him so I said, “can you please go and comfort him?” Husband said, “I will if you get the f&$@ out of my face.”

Please weigh in on how this can be improved. Thank you.

You sound like a coddling mama, and he sounds a moody adolescent. The poor child...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read to 5yo son every night and then my husband comes in and finishes bedtime (15 min). Tonight husband was cranky and when I finished reading he came into the room and was annoyed that 5 yo was wanting to play. He told DC to get in bed and when DC didn’t listen, apparently picked DC up by his pajama shirt and put him in bed. DC started crying. Husband came out of the room angry. If I had gone in husband would say I was undermining him so I said, “can you please go and comfort him?” Husband said, “I will if you get the f&$@ out of my face.”

Please weigh in on how this can be improved. Thank you.

You sound like a coddling mama, and he sounds a moody adolescent. The poor child...

*he sounds like

[Anonymous]

This is why there are so many poorly behaved, entitled kids now. Picking up a child by their shirt and putting them back into bed isn't physically abusing a kid. The dad can't win. If he had grabbed the kid by the arms and the kid struggled against him he could have left a slight redness or bruise.

To characterize this as abuse is absurd.

[Anonymous]

You finish bedtime.

Splitting bedtime is only going to cause issues. It’s like starting all over again.

[Anonymous]

If your husband is in a bad mood and needs to take a pass on bedtime, he can ask to do so. Abusive behavior is out of the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why there are so many poorly behaved, entitled kids now. Picking up a child by their shirt and putting them back into bed isn't physically abusing a kid. The dad can't win. If he had grabbed the kid by the arms and the kid struggled against him he could have left a slight redness or bruise.

To characterize this as abuse is absurd.

Agree. I don’t agree with spouses using the F word at each other but he did nothing wrong to the child and no one needs to apologize. Bedtime is not playtime. Period.

[Anonymous]

OP - you should apologize to your husband for micromanaging his interactions with his son. Maybe you should leave during his 15 min and do something else. He was not abusive. Ideally your husband would apologize to you for talking to you that way, but he’s not the one asking for advice. My advice to him would be to apologize to you and ask you to stop telling him how to handle his part of bedtime. Also, figure out how to do bedtime without physically placing kid in bed.

[Anonymous]

I would have just gone in an consoled my child. I promised myself that I would never let my children cry themselves to sleep if I can help it.
That you felt that you did not have the power to console your child leads me to believe that either you are in an abusive relationship or that you have never tested your husband’s boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your husband is in a bad mood and needs to take a pass on bedtime, he can ask to do so. Abusive behavior is out of the question.

Agreed...DH should have just opted out for the evening if he was tired or upset. All parents have regrettable moments so maybe this was one for him. If it is a pattern he needs some help.

[Anonymous]

"...apparently picked DC up by his pajama shirt"

Facts first and words matter - did your DH ACTUALLY pick him up by the shirt or are you GUESSING he did? Did you see him do it? If not, is it possible he could done something much less aggressive like tugged him by the shirt to lead him over to the bed?

The quote from your husband (again, are these his exact words?) is disturbing - he should not talk to you that way. It is also an indicator that he may feel you are calling his parenting into question. Especially your comment about how he would have claimed you undermined him, so you didn't do it. Thus, you know he feels you criticize him.

I think you and DH need to sit down and talk about your parenting styles, and in order to air your grievances. IMO, there are hints here that you are helicoptering your child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"...apparently picked DC up by his pajama shirt"

Facts first and words matter - did your DH ACTUALLY pick him up by the shirt or are you GUESSING he did? Did you see him do it? If not, is it possible he could done something much less aggressive like tugged him by the shirt to lead him over to the bed?

The quote from your husband (again, are these his exact words?) is disturbing - he should not talk to you that way. It is also an indicator that he may feel you are calling his parenting into question. Especially your comment about how he would have claimed you undermined him, so you didn't do it. Thus, you know he feels you criticize him.

I think you and DH need to sit down and talk about your parenting styles, and in order to air your grievances. IMO, there are hints here that you are helicoptering your child.

Op here. I heard DH say, “why are you crying? You didn’t like that I lifted you by your shirt?”

[Anonymous]

id Switch up with dad. Let him do the fun part, read. You do the mean part, “stay in bed now”.

If this is unusual I’d forgive. If a pattern, he’s abusive.