Could you please keep your kids off the screens when family is visiting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I really think you need some perspective. My niece and nephew came to visit and were NOT on electronics and still didn't interact with us. As a pp said they are people too. You can't just expect them to perform perfectly. As another pp said, would you still be so upset if they were reading (and still not engaging)? It's fine to be disappointed, I was. BUT, it's not the electronics AND I will make the effort again because I care about my family, and I'm certainly not perfect.

I think screens have an addictive quality that makes them attractive even when playmates are around. Therefore I think good parenting means all kids should be off screens for the majority of the visit. Good parenting means holding the line on that so the kids can shake off their screen zombie and enjoy playing. Just this afternoon my nephew got a technology time out for being out-and-out rude to an adult. Guess what he did-immediately started playing happily with the 5 yo. It is the addictive quality of screens that makes them problematic and takes active parenting to resist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just drove 7 hours to see you so our kids could play together. Would it kill you to tell your children to put down their iPads and play with their cousins? Thanks.

preach

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I really think you need some perspective. My niece and nephew came to visit and were NOT on electronics and still didn't interact with us. As a pp said they are people too. You can't just expect them to perform perfectly. As another pp said, would you still be so upset if they were reading (and still not engaging)? It's fine to be disappointed, I was. BUT, it's not the electronics AND I will make the effort again because I care about my family, and I'm certainly not perfect.

I think screens have an addictive quality that makes them attractive even when playmates are around. Therefore I think good parenting means all kids should be off screens for the majority of the visit. Good parenting means holding the line on that so the kids can shake off their screen zombie and enjoy playing. Just this afternoon my nephew got a technology time out for being out-and-out rude to an adult. Guess what he did-immediately started playing happily with the 5 yo. It is the addictive quality of screens that makes them problematic and takes active parenting to resist.

God, you are insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just drove 7 hours to see you so our kids could play together. Would it kill you to tell your children to put down their iPads and play with their cousins? Thanks.

preach

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I really think you need some perspective. My niece and nephew came to visit and were NOT on electronics and still didn't interact with us. As a pp said they are people too. You can't just expect them to perform perfectly. As another pp said, would you still be so upset if they were reading (and still not engaging)? It's fine to be disappointed, I was. BUT, it's not the electronics AND I will make the effort again because I care about my family, and I'm certainly not perfect.

I think screens have an addictive quality that makes them attractive even when playmates are around. Therefore I think good parenting means all kids should be off screens for the majority of the visit. Good parenting means holding the line on that so the kids can shake off their screen zombie and enjoy playing. Just this afternoon my nephew got a technology time out for being out-and-out rude to an adult. Guess what he did-immediately started playing happily with the 5 yo. It is the addictive quality of screens that makes them problematic and takes active parenting to resist.

God, you are insufferable.

Not to mention wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids are people too. They aren't going to get along with and enjoy every other person who just happens to be in their age group. IF they see each other rarely the cousins are basically strangers. Why not help them find a way to connect be it through gaming or maybe making fun snapchat videos together. Teach them how to find common ground with another. Even two dogs won't always get along.

They know each other just fine. We don’t have Snapchat and young kids who are friends and family members should be able to play without me facilitating with Snapchat filters.

And babies should sleep through the night but they don’t. So help them. That’s kind of the whole parenting deal. Helping them with stuff. Snapchat was just an example. They could make funny plays and videos! Teach them a fun and exciting game or just sit around talking about how in your day you kids had a fine time with a corn husk doll and a stick and hoop all day long! Btw my kids had my 80 year old parents laughing so hard they cried with Snapchat filters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I really think you need some perspective. My niece and nephew came to visit and were NOT on electronics and still didn't interact with us. As a pp said they are people too. You can't just expect them to perform perfectly. As another pp said, would you still be so upset if they were reading (and still not engaging)? It's fine to be disappointed, I was. BUT, it's not the electronics AND I will make the effort again because I care about my family, and I'm certainly not perfect.

I think screens have an addictive quality that makes them attractive even when playmates are around. Therefore I think good parenting means all kids should be off screens for the majority of the visit. Good parenting means holding the line on that so the kids can shake off their screen zombie and enjoy playing. Just this afternoon my nephew got a technology time out for being out-and-out rude to an adult. Guess what he did-immediately started playing happily with the 5 yo. It is the addictive quality of screens that makes them problematic and takes active parenting to resist.

God, you are insufferable.

Not to mention wrong.

NP, but a lot of screen content doesn’t have addictive qualities for most people? Where have you been?

[Anonymous]

There was literally just a thread on here where people suggested giving kids an iPad so they wouldn’t whine while adults visited. Which is it, people? Do you want kids to be unobtrusive while adults do their thing? Or do you want kids to interact with family, even if that means parents dealing with some whining or fighting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's a meal or kind of a daylong event? Sure. We'll all be fully present and spending time together.

If you park it in my home for days on end and expect us to cook, clean, and activity-plan for you? Yeah, nope. At some point, we want to be home and enjoying our break. And yeah, that means a bit more screen time and doing whatever we want. You're welcome to fall in with us if you like. But if you expect museums and hours of chatting, make your visit shorter, or stay in a hotel. We want to veg out with our holiday. We do plenty of activities and museums and family talks throughout the year. There are very few days we can just hang out and play with new toys and watch shows and have screen time. We're vegging out, thanks.

Aren’t you a peach

It's Christmas break and we are taking this time to do what we seriously never get to do: just hang out and veg. If you want to be more formal or adventurous, go do it on your own time. If you want to fall in with us, I'll scoot over. If we feel super adventurous, you can come to Target and drive around looking Christmas lights with us later. We are chilling.

[Anonymous]

What weird responses. OP, I get why some people think you’re being “judgey,” but I like you and your lack of hard candy and think as long as you aren’t being extreme in your opinion and practice, you’re fine.

Geez— “screens can’t be addictive!”

“You are expecting a 7-year-old to be an ‘unpaid babysitter’ for a 5-year-old because you think they might play *anything* together!” (They’re 7 and 5, not 14 and 2!)

“Kids need ‘downtime’, which involves isolating themselves from everyone else for extended periods of time and almost never interacting with other kids!”

“Thank goodness he’s on his own screen nonstop or he might— gasp!— transmit germs to your child! Germs!!”

Very few parents completely disallow screen time, especially at these ages, and those who limit it rarely do it out of some need to feel morally superior or because they “don’t understand the science.” Come on, folks.

I think it’s also true that some parents are pretty oblivious to the sheer amount and the circumstances under which both their kids and they, themselves, use screens. They’re in the minority, so I’m not about to blather on and on about the downfall of society, but I definitely know some neurotypical (or neurotypical enough!) kids who ask for the wifi password first thing, whose parents let them cart electronics around everywhere and seem oblivious to the fact that their kids aren’t playing with anyone else. (This can go for books, too, though I’ve not seen that in recent memory— and for most kids, even bookworms, books are less absorbing.) Like, these parents will go on and on about how much their kid wants to see your kid, and as they leave, they will pose their kid for a pic with yours, maybe having engaged them both in some conversation or activity for literally 5 or 10 minutes out of a 3-hour-visit, and say— sincerely!— “Oh, it’s so great when we can get the kids together!”

And you just stand there like... “Okay...”

Some people, even very nice people, seem to have their attention so divided that they don’t realize how they and their family are experienced by others. Meaning if they have had their nose in their phone for 2.5 hours and interacted with you for 30 minutes, they feel as though the world was frozen in time for the 2.5 hours and they only fondly remember the 30 minutes of time together. But the world wasn’t stopped— it was staring expectantly and awkwardly at the tops of their heads, waiting for them to look up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was literally just a thread on here where people suggested giving kids an iPad so they wouldn’t whine while adults visited. Which is it, people? Do you want kids to be unobtrusive while adults do their thing? Or do you want kids to interact with family, even if that means parents dealing with some whining or fighting?

Those are mostly the same people who, on this thread, don’t understand what’s wrong with a kid being absorbed in a tablet for 90% of his visit.

[Anonymous]

My sister's family is like this. They live a few hours away, so we only see each other a couple of times a year. We usually visit during the holidays for an afternoon/evening. Her kids are 10, 8, 6, and 4. Ours are 8, 6, and 3. Should be great for cousins playing together, right? Nope. Her kids are glued to their video games, and they will not share with mine. Kids CAN play together with screens, but it just doesn't happen there. What usually ends up happening is my kids either stand around and watch their cousins play Xbox, or just go play by themselves with the cousins' non-screen toys. I've tried to step in and encourage taking turns, but it's like talking to a wall. It's better in the summer, when the weather is good for playing outside, but Christmas is just the worst with them. It's depressing because I have such great memories of playing with my cousins on holidays, and I either just give up and let the kids separate into their camps, or I miss out on chatting with my sister because I'm trying to get them to include each other.

And I have brought it up with my sister, but she just shrugs it off and says the kids love their video games and agrees that there's no distracting them with other toys. Um, maybe just turn it off then?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's a meal or kind of a daylong event? Sure. We'll all be fully present and spending time together.

If you park it in my home for days on end and expect us to cook, clean, and activity-plan for you? Yeah, nope. At some point, we want to be home and enjoying our break. And yeah, that means a bit more screen time and doing whatever we want. You're welcome to fall in with us if you like. But if you expect museums and hours of chatting, make your visit shorter, or stay in a hotel. We want to veg out with our holiday. We do plenty of activities and museums and family talks throughout the year. There are very few days we can just hang out and play with new toys and watch shows and have screen time. We're vegging out, thanks.

Aren’t you a peach

It's Christmas break and we are taking this time to do what we seriously never get to do: just hang out and veg. If you want to be more formal or adventurous, go do it on your own time. If you want to fall in with us, I'll scoot over. If we feel super adventurous, you can come to Target and drive around looking Christmas lights with us later. We are chilling.

Hanging out and vegging may be fine, but it’s mostly what people DO when they don’t have time and energy for anything else at the end of a workday or school day. There are lots of things most people “don’t have time to do,” but hanging out and vegging (albeit in smaller quantities) tends to be something that gets done even when people are pretty busy overall.

I mean— take a week to binge watch Netflix if that’s your thing! But most people spend a fair amount of time doing that during the year— what they don’t usually get to are big projects, or visiting with people, or just reading a novel (which is pretty chill).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What weird responses. OP, I get why some people think you’re being “judgey,” but I like you and your lack of hard candy and think as long as you aren’t being extreme in your opinion and practice, you’re fine.

Geez— “screens can’t be addictive!”

“You are expecting a 7-year-old to be an ‘unpaid babysitter’ for a 5-year-old because you think they might play *anything* together!” (They’re 7 and 5, not 14 and 2!)

“Kids need ‘downtime’, which involves isolating themselves from everyone else for extended periods of time and almost never interacting with other kids!”

“Thank goodness he’s on his own screen nonstop or he might— gasp!— transmit germs to your child! Germs!!”

Very few parents completely disallow screen time, especially at these ages, and those who limit it rarely do it out of some need to feel morally superior or because they “don’t understand the science.” Come on, folks.

I think it’s also true that some parents are pretty oblivious to the sheer amount and the circumstances under which both their kids and they, themselves, use screens. They’re in the minority, so I’m not about to blather on and on about the downfall of society, but I definitely know some neurotypical (or neurotypical enough!) kids who ask for the wifi password first thing, whose parents let them cart electronics around everywhere and seem oblivious to the fact that their kids aren’t playing with anyone else. (This can go for books, too, though I’ve not seen that in recent memory— and for most kids, even bookworms, books are less absorbing.) Like, these parents will go on and on about how much their kid wants to see your kid, and as they leave, they will pose their kid for a pic with yours, maybe having engaged them both in some conversation or activity for literally 5 or 10 minutes out of a 3-hour-visit, and say— sincerely!— “Oh, it’s so great when we can get the kids together!”

And you just stand there like... “Okay...”

Some people, even very nice people, seem to have their attention so divided that they don’t realize how they and their family are experienced by others. Meaning if they have had their nose in their phone for 2.5 hours and interacted with you for 30 minutes, they feel as though the world was frozen in time for the 2.5 hours and they only fondly remember the 30 minutes of time together. But the world wasn’t stopped— it was staring expectantly and awkwardly at the tops of their heads, waiting for them to look up.

Wow, you're thirsty. If someone doesn't seem interested in interacting with me, I do not stare expectantly and awkwardly at them. I turn my attention to the other people who DO seem to want to engage. Or I busy myself with a magazine, a puzzle, a walk around the lake, folding a load of laundry, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it's a meal or kind of a daylong event? Sure. We'll all be fully present and spending time together.

If you park it in my home for days on end and expect us to cook, clean, and activity-plan for you? Yeah, nope. At some point, we want to be home and enjoying our break. And yeah, that means a bit more screen time and doing whatever we want. You're welcome to fall in with us if you like. But if you expect museums and hours of chatting, make your visit shorter, or stay in a hotel. We want to veg out with our holiday. We do plenty of activities and museums and family talks throughout the year. There are very few days we can just hang out and play with new toys and watch shows and have screen time. We're vegging out, thanks.

Aren’t you a peach

It's Christmas break and we are taking this time to do what we seriously never get to do: just hang out and veg. If you want to be more formal or adventurous, go do it on your own time. If you want to fall in with us, I'll scoot over. If we feel super adventurous, you can come to Target and drive around looking Christmas lights with us later. We are chilling.

Hanging out and vegging may be fine, but it’s mostly what people DO when they don’t have time and energy for anything else at the end of a workday or school day. There are lots of things most people “don’t have time to do,” but hanging out and vegging (albeit in smaller quantities) tends to be something that gets done even when people are pretty busy overall.

I mean— take a week to binge watch Netflix if that’s your thing! But most people spend a fair amount of time doing that during the year— what they don’t usually get to are big projects, or visiting with people, or just reading a novel (which is pretty chill).

We are generally active and busy. This is pretty much our one time of year to hang out and do whatev. So that's what we're doing. We'll spend 2-3 days "officially Christmas-ing," but if you're still in my house after that? Either fall in or entertain yourselves. Go out and do something if you want. No one is stopping you.