Could you please keep your kids off the screens when family is visiting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When family has driven 7 hours to see other family, that is not decompress time. It sounds like the cousin was on screens almost all the time. We have kids and cousins similar ages and it was great for the two days we saw each other....kids played together for a long time, both inside and out, and then everyone enjoyed a movie together. These are cousins who see each other once or twice a year.

So enjoy the time with the adults and have something else for your kids to do. Cousins who only see each other once or twice a year will never be best friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did Op say how long they are staying? Good behavior can only be expected in 2 - 3 hour increments.

Depends on how you raise your kids. At 5 and 7 good behavior is an all day thing in my house. They are in school all day without screens and good behavior. They should be able to get along with cousins for more than 2 to 3 hours.

No child is perfectly behaved all day at 5 or 7. Some parents prioritize adult conversation over managing squabbles and misbehavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think everyone here is agreeing that for a few hours, yes, there should be no screens. But for all day or extended day visits, I don't think kids should have to be social for that entire time. Some kids need down time from people whether that is reading, playing solitair, watching a show or playing a game on the ipad.
Not everyone LOVES to be around people for extended periods of time, I know i sure don't so why would i expect my kid.
We are kind, welcoming, social, but to a point. I don't need to be tethered to you 24/7 to have a bonding experience.

Of those options, I would love to see more of the first two. I’d be completely sympathetic if an introverted and/or cranky child needed some time to themselves away from cousins and noise to read, play Legos, etc. in their room. But I view screens as different. As PPs have mentioned, screens are addictive, so I perceive a child who chooses to spend hours on his iPad at a time (when there are cousins around) as suffering from that addiction. I don’t even mind about manners, etc. I only have pity for those children because of all the valuable time they missed interacting with books or toys or people while their nose was buried in a screen.

Also, even for the truly introverted kids, it would be great if, for the sake of civility and being a good host, their parents strongly encouraged them to spend some time with their cousins before retreating into a room, and thought up some parallel play type games (or even a group movie).

The problem is, as evidenced by the first 8 pages of this thread, that you will never convince the parents who allow their kids devices all the time that screens are different. They want to believe they're the same as books or playing cards so that's what they choose to believe. Since you'll never be able to change their minds, just choose different friends (or choose not to spend time with family that's addicted to screens). You can't argue with stupid.

I’m the introvert and we have a low/no-screen environment. My objection is to PP characterizing all screens as addictive, all children on screens as rude, and all parents who allow screens as rude and awful hosts/guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did Op say how long they are staying? Good behavior can only be expected in 2 - 3 hour increments.

Depends on how you raise your kids. At 5 and 7 good behavior is an all day thing in my house. They are in school all day without screens and good behavior. They should be able to get along with cousins for more than 2 to 3 hours.

No child is perfectly behaved all day at 5 or 7. Some parents prioritize adult conversation over managing squabbles and misbehavior.

You give in pretty easily I guess. We didn't have devices (we had screens because we did watch group movies) for the week of Thanksgiving as well as the week of Christmas. Somehow our 5 and 7 year olds managed just fine and we had a ton of adult conversation. Your kids actually probably do need screens to behave now because that's how you've conditioned them. Mine have managed to sit through dinners out and spend time with family without them. They're not expected to act like adults but they have a million other things they can do besides play on an iPad. We have never taken a device out to eat and we eat out a lot. We have also never allowed them when company is over, but they get them so sparingly otherwise it's not an issue. You've created the problem and now you have to keep feeding it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did Op say how long they are staying? Good behavior can only be expected in 2 - 3 hour increments.

Depends on how you raise your kids. At 5 and 7 good behavior is an all day thing in my house. They are in school all day without screens and good behavior. They should be able to get along with cousins for more than 2 to 3 hours.

No child is perfectly behaved all day at 5 or 7. Some parents prioritize adult conversation over managing squabbles and misbehavior.

You give in pretty easily I guess. We didn't have devices (we had screens because we did watch group movies) for the week of Thanksgiving as well as the week of Christmas. Somehow our 5 and 7 year olds managed just fine and we had a ton of adult conversation. Your kids actually probably do need screens to behave now because that's how you've conditioned them. Mine have managed to sit through dinners out and spend time with family without them. They're not expected to act like adults but they have a million other things they can do besides play on an iPad. We have never taken a device out to eat and we eat out a lot. We have also never allowed them when company is over, but they get them so sparingly otherwise it's not an issue. You've created the problem and now you have to keep feeding it.

+1. If screens are an option--even some of the time--kids tend to rely on those to entertain, relieve boredom, etc.

If they're never an option, kids will tend to come up with their own solutions. Like all of us did when we were kids.

We see it play out whenever we're with a younger relative who has been conditioned to rely on screens, even for 20-min car rides. She pulls out an iPad as soon as we get to a restaurant, for example, while my younger kid draws or does something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


The problem is, as evidenced by the first 8 pages of this thread, that you will never convince the parents who allow their kids devices all the time that screens are different. They want to believe they're the same as books or playing cards so that's what they choose to believe. Since you'll never be able to change their minds, just choose different friends (or choose not to spend time with family that's addicted to screens). You can't argue with stupid.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:



You give in pretty easily I guess. We didn't have devices (we had screens because we did watch group movies) for the week of Thanksgiving as well as the week of Christmas. Somehow our 5 and 7 year olds managed just fine and we had a ton of adult conversation. Your kids actually probably do need screens to behave now because that's how you've conditioned them. Mine have managed to sit through dinners out and spend time with family without them. They're not expected to act like adults but they have a million other things they can do besides play on an iPad. We have never taken a device out to eat and we eat out a lot. We have also never allowed them when company is over, but they get them so sparingly otherwise it's not an issue. You've created the problem and now you have to keep feeding it.

Yes!!! It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy and it is hysterical to me that the people that do this are the ones defending it because of course they NEED the devices !! My oldest is in her 20s. I wonder how the hell we survived without them.

[Anonymous]

No one said it was needed, my kids could take or leave the iPad, but no one needs relatives dictating what other kids do. Sometimes you and your kids are just annoying and we all need a break

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did Op say how long they are staying? Good behavior can only be expected in 2 - 3 hour increments.

Depends on how you raise your kids. At 5 and 7 good behavior is an all day thing in my house. They are in school all day without screens and good behavior. They should be able to get along with cousins for more than 2 to 3 hours.

No child is perfectly behaved all day at 5 or 7. Some parents prioritize adult conversation over managing squabbles and misbehavior.

You give in pretty easily I guess. We didn't have devices (we had screens because we did watch group movies) for the week of Thanksgiving as well as the week of Christmas. Somehow our 5 and 7 year olds managed just fine and we had a ton of adult conversation. Your kids actually probably do need screens to behave now because that's how you've conditioned them. Mine have managed to sit through dinners out and spend time with family without them. They're not expected to act like adults but they have a million other things they can do besides play on an iPad. We have never taken a device out to eat and we eat out a lot. We have also never allowed them when company is over, but they get them so sparingly otherwise it's not an issue. You've created the problem and now you have to keep feeding it.

I don’t do screens when people are over, they can read. I said Some parents do, and I explained why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did Op say how long they are staying? Good behavior can only be expected in 2 - 3 hour increments.

Depends on how you raise your kids. At 5 and 7 good behavior is an all day thing in my house. They are in school all day without screens and good behavior. They should be able to get along with cousins for more than 2 to 3 hours.

No child is perfectly behaved all day at 5 or 7. Some parents prioritize adult conversation over managing squabbles and misbehavior.

You give in pretty easily I guess. We didn't have devices (we had screens because we did watch group movies) for the week of Thanksgiving as well as the week of Christmas. Somehow our 5 and 7 year olds managed just fine and we had a ton of adult conversation. Your kids actually probably do need screens to behave now because that's how you've conditioned them. Mine have managed to sit through dinners out and spend time with family without them. They're not expected to act like adults but they have a million other things they can do besides play on an iPad. We have never taken a device out to eat and we eat out a lot. We have also never allowed them when company is over, but they get them so sparingly otherwise it's not an issue. You've created the problem and now you have to keep feeding it.

+1. If screens are an option--even some of the time--kids tend to rely on those to entertain, relieve boredom, etc.

If they're never an option, kids will tend to come up with their own solutions. Like all of us did when we were kids.

We see it play out whenever we're with a younger relative who has been conditioned to rely on screens, even for 20-min car rides. She pulls out an iPad as soon as we get to a restaurant, for example, while my younger kid draws or does something else.

No screens until 2. Minimal until school. As needed for homework and as an occasional reward until a child shows they can self-regulate. But just like everything else with kids, as soon as they are capable of self-regulating, no more rules from me, just a little advice when requested.

[Anonymous]

This thread, just like several lately, is full of one set of parents telling the other how to parent their kids. Whether it’s screentime, setting a bedtime for a tween, telling a 16yo when to bathe or saying a child is too young for chores, these are all choices that are individual. You don’t get to make choices for someone else’s kids, but that doesn’t mean you have to condone or adopt their choices either. Criminetly, live and let live. Visit or not, you know what to expect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just drove 7 hours to see you so our kids could play together. Would it kill you to tell your children to put down their iPads and play with their cousins? Thanks.

Ain't nobody putting a gun to your head to come see us. You and your brats can stay home for all we care - you see nobody was very interested when you arrived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread, just like several lately, is full of one set of parents telling the other how to parent their kids. Whether it’s screentime, setting a bedtime for a tween, telling a 16yo when to bathe or saying a child is too young for chores, these are all choices that are individual. You don’t get to make choices for someone else’s kids, but that doesn’t mean you have to condone or adopt their choices either. Criminetly, live and let live. Visit or not, you know what to expect.

I have no problems with discussions of the pros/cons of different ways to do things. But when people like the a$$hole upthread throw in the “you can’t argue with stupid”, all bets are off. Don’t be a douche. You’re not as enlightened as you think you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just drove 7 hours to see you so our kids could play together. Would it kill you to tell your children to put down their iPads and play with their cousins? Thanks.

Ain't nobody putting a gun to your head to come see us. You and your brats can stay home for all we care - you see nobody was very interested when you arrived.

Wow.

NP here. PP, I don't know anything about you, but I think perhaps you should take a mental health day and do some soul searching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one said it was needed, my kids could take or leave the iPad, but no one needs relatives dictating what other kids do. Sometimes you and your kids are just annoying and we all need a break

Mine take an iPad or kindle as they cannot stand the grandparents and relatives and its the best way to get the relatives to stop talking to them.