Could you please keep your kids off the screens when family is visiting?

[Anonymous]

We don't have the problem when the cousins are around - my daughter is genuinely super excited to see them, and we often won't hear from them for hours until they get hungry.

But if it's all adults and just my kid, I'll let her off the hook after the meal and the catch-up conversation. She doesn't need to be hanging out with the adults all the time - it's boring for her. And I know what it's like to need some mindless downtime after hours on end of forced mingling. I need it too.

[Anonymous]

To those claiming a 2 year age difference justifies the screen time, I call BS. I was the oldest of the cousin group and managed to play with my younger cousins (2 and 5 years younger than me) plus we’d play with the neighborhood kids in my grandparents’ neighborhood of all ages. We’d be outside for hours at a time making up all sorts of things to play.

My kids are 2 and 5 with cousins ranging from 4 to 16 and they all managed to interact at Thanksgiving without screens apart from a football game on the big screen after dinner. We are lucky that our teenage nephews are awesome with the little ones and will wrestle around with our boys.

And sure I get the argument that kids need to decompress a little at times, but why can’t they read a book, play legos quietly, or watch a movie as a group? I think it’s totally depressing when kids have their nose in a phone/tablet nonstop.

We have friends who will allow their kids to do this when we go to dinner with our families. Their 3/4 year old will be absorbed in a kid’s tablet completely ignoring my kids (who can sit through a 90 minute meal without a screen because we’ve never allowed it).

[Anonymous]

Did Op say how long they are staying? Good behavior can only be expected in 2 - 3 hour increments.

[Anonymous]

i think everyone here is agreeing that for a few hours, yes, there should be no screens. But for all day or extended day visits, I don't think kids should have to be social for that entire time. Some kids need down time from people whether that is reading, playing solitair, watching a show or playing a game on the ipad.
Not everyone LOVES to be around people for extended periods of time, I know i sure don't so why would i expect my kid.
We are kind, welcoming, social, but to a point. I don't need to be tethered to you 24/7 to have a bonding experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i think everyone here is agreeing that for a few hours, yes, there should be no screens. But for all day or extended day visits, I don't think kids should have to be social for that entire time. Some kids need down time from people whether that is reading, playing solitair, watching a show or playing a game on the ipad.
Not everyone LOVES to be around people for extended periods of time, I know i sure don't so why would i expect my kid.
We are kind, welcoming, social, but to a point. I don't need to be tethered to you 24/7 to have a bonding experience.

Of those options, I would love to see more of the first two. I’d be completely sympathetic if an introverted and/or cranky child needed some time to themselves away from cousins and noise to read, play Legos, etc. in their room. But I view screens as different. As PPs have mentioned, screens are addictive, so I perceive a child who chooses to spend hours on his iPad at a time (when there are cousins around) as suffering from that addiction. I don’t even mind about manners, etc. I only have pity for those children because of all the valuable time they missed interacting with books or toys or people while their nose was buried in a screen.

Also, even for the truly introverted kids, it would be great if, for the sake of civility and being a good host, their parents strongly encouraged them to spend some time with their cousins before retreating into a room, and thought up some parallel play type games (or even a group movie).

[Anonymous]

You don't get to choose how others decompress. Stop being so controlling

[Anonymous]

That would annoy me too. Screens are addictive and if kids are on screens all the time it's hard to stop. We just did a week with cousins 12, 10, 8, 7and 7. They had a ball running around, making and decorating gingerbread men and houses, playing board games, and daily outings. They all played together even with the age gaps. They did take breaks from each other and had quit
time alone reading, playing video games, and the oldest texting with friends for about an hour each day. I just think it's sad that so many think it's okay to have children spend hours on screens and not engaging with people.

Glad I'm old school and my children know how to function and have fun with people who aren't the same age and without screens.

[Anonymous]

When family has driven 7 hours to see other family, that is not decompress time. It sounds like the cousin was on screens almost all the time. We have kids and cousins similar ages and it was great for the two days we saw each other....kids played together for a long time, both inside and out, and then everyone enjoyed a movie together. These are cousins who see each other once or twice a year.

[Anonymous]

hah. My family gives my kids ipads and turns on movies so that they don't bother anyone else. We don't watch much TV and I wish they could turn the TV off for all visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did Op say how long they are staying? Good behavior can only be expected in 2 - 3 hour increments.

Depends on how you raise your kids. At 5 and 7 good behavior is an all day thing in my house. They are in school all day without screens and good behavior. They should be able to get along with cousins for more than 2 to 3 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think everyone here is agreeing that for a few hours, yes, there should be no screens. But for all day or extended day visits, I don't think kids should have to be social for that entire time. Some kids need down time from people whether that is reading, playing solitair, watching a show or playing a game on the ipad.
Not everyone LOVES to be around people for extended periods of time, I know i sure don't so why would i expect my kid.
We are kind, welcoming, social, but to a point. I don't need to be tethered to you 24/7 to have a bonding experience.

Of those options, I would love to see more of the first two. I’d be completely sympathetic if an introverted and/or cranky child needed some time to themselves away from cousins and noise to read, play Legos, etc. in their room. But I view screens as different. As PPs have mentioned, screens are addictive, so I perceive a child who chooses to spend hours on his iPad at a time (when there are cousins around) as suffering from that addiction. I don’t even mind about manners, etc. I only have pity for those children because of all the valuable time they missed interacting with books or toys or people while their nose was buried in a screen.

Also, even for the truly introverted kids, it would be great if, for the sake of civility and being a good host, their parents strongly encouraged them to spend some time with their cousins before retreating into a room, and thought up some parallel play type games (or even a group movie).

The problem is, as evidenced by the first 8 pages of this thread, that you will never convince the parents who allow their kids devices all the time that screens are different. They want to believe they're the same as books or playing cards so that's what they choose to believe. Since you'll never be able to change their minds, just choose different friends (or choose not to spend time with family that's addicted to screens). You can't argue with stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think everyone here is agreeing that for a few hours, yes, there should be no screens. But for all day or extended day visits, I don't think kids should have to be social for that entire time. Some kids need down time from people whether that is reading, playing solitair, watching a show or playing a game on the ipad.
Not everyone LOVES to be around people for extended periods of time, I know i sure don't so why would i expect my kid.
We are kind, welcoming, social, but to a point. I don't need to be tethered to you 24/7 to have a bonding experience.

Of those options, I would love to see more of the first two. I’d be completely sympathetic if an introverted and/or cranky child needed some time to themselves away from cousins and noise to read, play Legos, etc. in their room. But I view screens as different. As PPs have mentioned, screens are addictive, so I perceive a child who chooses to spend hours on his iPad at a time (when there are cousins around) as suffering from that addiction. I don’t even mind about manners, etc. I only have pity for those children because of all the valuable time they missed interacting with books or toys or people while their nose was buried in a screen.

Also, even for the truly introverted kids, it would be great if, for the sake of civility and being a good host, their parents strongly encouraged them to spend some time with their cousins before retreating into a room, and thought up some parallel play type games (or even a group movie).

You’re still not getting it though.

There are plenty of kids that are overwhelmed just being in the large group area, and if the parent prioritizes the kid being visible, a screen is a better distraction from that discomfort than a book. Books allow for some escapism, but not in the same multi-sensory way that devices do. And a card game is asking to be interrupted!

Do you view reading on a tablet or using one of the many read-to-me or read-along apps the same way? What about apps like khan academy, prodigy, ixl? If you don’t know precisely what they’re doing, how do you know how worthwhile it is?

Please stop imposing your views on children who aren’t yours. You don’t know why they’re allowed to be on screens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To those claiming a 2 year age difference justifies the screen time, I call BS. I was the oldest of the cousin group and managed to play with my younger cousins (2 and 5 years younger than me) plus we’d play with the neighborhood kids in my grandparents’ neighborhood of all ages. We’d be outside for hours at a time making up all sorts of things to play.

My kids are 2 and 5 with cousins ranging from 4 to 16 and they all managed to interact at Thanksgiving without screens apart from a football game on the big screen after dinner. We are lucky that our teenage nephews are awesome with the little ones and will wrestle around with our boys.

And sure I get the argument that kids need to decompress a little at times, but why can’t they read a book, play legos quietly, or watch a movie as a group? I think it’s totally depressing when kids have their nose in a phone/tablet nonstop.

We have friends who will allow their kids to do this when we go to dinner with our families. Their 3/4 year old will be absorbed in a kid’s tablet completely ignoring my kids (who can sit through a 90 minute meal without a screen because we’ve never allowed it).

The only difference between a child reading a book during a visit and the child using a phone or tablet is your attitude. I recall my great aunts chiding my mother for allowing me to quietly read when we visited them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That would annoy me too. Screens are addictive and if kids are on screens all the time it's hard to stop. We just did a week with cousins 12, 10, 8, 7and 7. They had a ball running around, making and decorating gingerbread men and houses, playing board games, and daily outings. They all played together even with the age gaps. They did take breaks from each other and had quit
time alone reading, playing video games, and the oldest texting with friends for about an hour each day. I just think it's sad that so many think it's okay to have children spend hours on screens and not engaging with people.

Glad I'm old school and my children know how to function and have fun with people who aren't the same age and without screens.

Once we were old enough to not have adults hovering constantly, I spent about half my day with cousins (although as the eldest, it was with the expectation that I was babysitting everyone else starting at 10, and all the kids knew I was in charge). But you seem to not understand the groups can be very overwhelming. As an adult, I can function the way I have to before retreating to read and decompress; as a child, I was very, very thankful for a parent who allowed me to set the bar for how much I could tolerate. I will never enjoy huge groups.

You don’t seem to care what the reason is. Everyone should just do what you think. In this age of understanding others’ needs (not wants, needs), I wonder how far your attitude will get your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i think everyone here is agreeing that for a few hours, yes, there should be no screens. But for all day or extended day visits, I don't think kids should have to be social for that entire time. Some kids need down time from people whether that is reading, playing solitair, watching a show or playing a game on the ipad.
Not everyone LOVES to be around people for extended periods of time, I know i sure don't so why would i expect my kid.
We are kind, welcoming, social, but to a point. I don't need to be tethered to you 24/7 to have a bonding experience.

Of those options, I would love to see more of the first two. I’d be completely sympathetic if an introverted and/or cranky child needed some time to themselves away from cousins and noise to read, play Legos, etc. in their room. But I view screens as different. As PPs have mentioned, screens are addictive, so I perceive a child who chooses to spend hours on his iPad at a time (when there are cousins around) as suffering from that addiction. I don’t even mind about manners, etc. I only have pity for those children because of all the valuable time they missed interacting with books or toys or people while their nose was buried in a screen.

Also, even for the truly introverted kids, it would be great if, for the sake of civility and being a good host, their parents strongly encouraged them to spend some time with their cousins before retreating into a room, and thought up some parallel play type games (or even a group movie).

The problem is, as evidenced by the first 8 pages of this thread, that you will never convince the parents who allow their kids devices all the time that screens are different. They want to believe they're the same as books or playing cards so that's what they choose to believe. Since you'll never be able to change their minds, just choose different friends (or choose not to spend time with family that's addicted to screens). You can't argue with stupid.

Well that escalated quickly. So much for doing what works best for you and your family.