Why do some women choose to be a sidepiece?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most important takeaway curious wives/husbands: Every Sidepiece situation is different.

If the married one is a sex addict and possible narcissist/liar, this may present different considerations than an AP who encounters their married lover in an intense work situation, or a married person who may have always been fundamentally incompatible with their marriage partner.

Gotta look at your own partner, their motivations and issues, and evaluate accordingly. For the sidepiece, the relationship is not about the partner being married or unmarried; it’s how they are treated within the confines of the arrangement.

The time I was an AP, the married person lamented about their separation and all the issues she was having with him. I knew he was exaggerating blame possibly (as he was having obvious financial problems ). I really didn’t care about that at the time. I’d just come out of an abusive relationship so he was the bridge for positive attention and intimacy on my end.

It is the married persons responsibility to honor their marriage, not the APs.

This. They don't give a f*** about the spouse otherwise they wouldn't be sleeping with the husband/wife. They don't care about your kids, your house, your mortgage, how long you have been together. They don't care. Once you accept that part the rest of the it makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most important takeaway curious wives/husbands: Every Sidepiece situation is different.

If the married one is a sex addict and possible narcissist/liar, this may present different considerations than an AP who encounters their married lover in an intense work situation, or a married person who may have always been fundamentally incompatible with their marriage partner.

Gotta look at your own partner, their motivations and issues, and evaluate accordingly. For the sidepiece, the relationship is not about the partner being married or unmarried; it’s how they are treated within the confines of the arrangement.

The time I was an AP, the married person lamented about their separation and all the issues she was having with him. I knew he was exaggerating blame possibly (as he was having obvious financial problems ). I really didn’t care about that at the time. I’d just come out of an abusive relationship so he was the bridge for positive attention and intimacy on my end.

It is the married persons responsibility to honor their marriage, not the APs.

This. They don't give a f*** about the spouse otherwise they wouldn't be sleeping with the husband/wife. They don't care about your kids, your house, your mortgage, how long you have been together. They don't care. Once you accept that part the rest of the it makes sense.

Yep. Selfish POS. Both parties.

[Anonymous]

Not everyone wants to be married. I was married and it wasn’t for me. I want to focus on my kids and myself for a while.

I would never mess around with a married guy, but I think there are plenty of people like me who see the disadvantages of marriage and just choose to engage in the pleasures without all the tedium and lows of the everyday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone wants to be married. I was married and it wasn’t for me. I want to focus on my kids and myself for a while.

I would never mess around with a married guy, but I think there are plenty of people like me who see the disadvantages of marriage and just choose to engage in the pleasures without all the tedium and lows of the everyday.

Then you are not a side piece. You are a FWB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like these posts really peak around the holidays.are people just slippy about their affairs around Christmas?

OW are a mess this week. Year after year after year.

Yup. It’s when they realize they’re always someone’s second choice. Who wants to live like that?

OW aren’t the ones starting these threads. It sucks when you have a nagging feeling that your spouse might be cheating, and they all but confirm it when they go out for milk on Christmas evening and don’t come back for three hours, and when you saw some charges on the credit card bill that don’t match what’s under the tree for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Insanely hot sex with a handsome and successful man. He was kind and thoughtful and extremely eager to please. Fancy hotel rooms on business trips and authentic connections.

I have moved on from it but no regrets, no one found out and apparently I was doing the "work" his wife had no interest in. Pity her.

Interesting. My cheating spouse is not particularly handsome or successful, is not thoughtful, and is not great in bed. I think some side pieces are really just that desperate.

Well, it sounds like you didn’t like him or respect him. Guess what - he knew that. I bet the other woman was nice to him and was glad to see him. I’ve known several men who cheated. It’s a mix of jerks and those who were in ill-fitting marriages and someone else was more compatible and happy to see them. The problem with the latter is that they just didn’t have the guts to leave an ill-suited marriage first. Too many people get married “when it’s the right time” or “she wanted to” or because “she’s hot” and didn’t see the fundamental incompatibility between them. Then the kids come and they don’t want to be “that guy”. You have to figure out what is the worst thing for you, especially if you don’t particularly enjoy your spouse. Is it worse to be divorced, financially unstable, etc or having him stick his d*** in someone else? You picked just as badly as he did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He lied about being married at first, but the sex was so hot and so good I stayed for awhile. Cars, my apartment, leaving dinner early to go home (yes we were out in public a lot)... I knew I could leave it whenever I wanted and I have no self esteem issues. It was just so hot.

I think this highlights a good point ...it is most often hot and intense and most ap's feel special and triumphant for awhile. Then he moves on or is found out or rebuilds with his wife or not, whatever...over time the sheen comes off, the lights go on or the fog lifts but for a time you lived your special fantasy we understand. Then it becomes lukewarm and eventually maybe cold? Yes, I'm a wife and as you know, they often come back, sometimes they beg and cry...and they are either wanted or not. But really, to feel so proud to have had hot sex with a married man who lies? You need better goals. I actually think you do have self esteem issues

I’m the one that broke it off honey, but whatever makes you feel better about being inadequate in your own marriage!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Insanely hot sex with a handsome and successful man. He was kind and thoughtful and extremely eager to please. Fancy hotel rooms on business trips and authentic connections.

I have moved on from it but no regrets, no one found out and apparently I was doing the "work" his wife had no interest in. Pity her.

Interesting. My cheating spouse is not particularly handsome or successful, is not thoughtful, and is not great in bed. I think some side pieces are really just that desperate.

He’s not any of those things to YOU. Maybe he steps because, I don’t know, he’s underappreciated and can sense your contempt? Just a guess LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Insanely hot sex with a handsome and successful man. He was kind and thoughtful and extremely eager to please. Fancy hotel rooms on business trips and authentic connections.

I have moved on from it but no regrets, no one found out and apparently I was doing the "work" his wife had no interest in. Pity her.

Interesting. My cheating spouse is not particularly handsome or successful, is not thoughtful, and is not great in bed. I think some side pieces are really just that desperate.

He’s not any of those things to YOU. Maybe he steps because, I don’t know, he’s underappreciated and can sense your contempt? Just a guess LOL.

Most men affair down so even crumbs are good to you. LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like these posts really peak around the holidays.are people just slippy about their affairs around Christmas?

OW are a mess this week. Year after year after year.

Yup. It’s when they realize they’re always someone’s second choice. Who wants to live like that?

OW aren’t the ones starting these threads. It sucks when you have a nagging feeling that your spouse might be cheating, and they all but confirm it when they go out for milk on Christmas evening and don’t come back for three hours, and when you saw some charges on the credit card bill that don’t match what’s under the tree for you.

There whole hours

Vs cuddling in bed xmas morning with his kids giggling all around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Insanely hot sex with a handsome and successful man. He was kind and thoughtful and extremely eager to please. Fancy hotel rooms on business trips and authentic connections.

I have moved on from it but no regrets, no one found out and apparently I was doing the "work" his wife had no interest in. Pity her.

Interesting. My cheating spouse is not particularly handsome or successful, is not thoughtful, and is not great in bed. I think some side pieces are really just that desperate.

He’s not any of those things to YOU. Maybe he steps because, I don’t know, he’s underappreciated and can sense your contempt? Just a guess LOL.

Most men affair down so even crumbs are good to you. LOL

What’s your definition of down? Not as pretty? Not as rich? Not as “connected”? Sounds like he had that and decided to go for someone who was glad to see him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like these posts really peak around the holidays.are people just slippy about their affairs around Christmas?

OW are a mess this week. Year after year after year.

Yup. It’s when they realize they’re always someone’s second choice. Who wants to live like that?

OW aren’t the ones starting these threads. It sucks when you have a nagging feeling that your spouse might be cheating, and they all but confirm it when they go out for milk on Christmas evening and don’t come back for three hours, and when you saw some charges on the credit card bill that don’t match what’s under the tree for you.

There whole hours

Vs cuddling in bed xmas morning with his kids giggling all around.

As he watches the clock waiting to escape you for a few blissful hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It feels good to be desired. Someone is so into you that they are willing to risk it all. Excitement, lust, being chosen sexually over someone else.

All the good parts without any of the baggage.

You realise a cheater will also go for other women as well. It's just that you believed what he told you. I've known a few men that have cheated and the lies are unbelievable. They will tell you whatever you need to hear to get you into bed. It isn't real and you haven't been chosen sexually, you were just the one he could get into bed. He will also go to bed with other women if he has the chance.

I've known two women who ended their marriage for their AP, the man who they felt so desired by and thought he was so into them, when they actually left the marriage, the guy was running so fast he left skid marks on the carpet on his way out. The women are now single after their husbands divorced them. AP no where in sight.

And no I haven't been cheated on in my marriage. I just find it amusing when women believe what they are told, players play.

Players play for one reason: most women LIKE to be played. This is how it works. You do your part, I do mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It feels good to be desired. Someone is so into you that they are willing to risk it all. Excitement, lust, being chosen sexually over someone else.

All the good parts without any of the baggage.

You realise a cheater will also go for other women as well. It's just that you believed what he told you. I've known a few men that have cheated and the lies are unbelievable. They will tell you whatever you need to hear to get you into bed. It isn't real and you haven't been chosen sexually, you were just the one he could get into bed. He will also go to bed with other women if he has the chance.

I've known two women who ended their marriage for their AP, the man who they felt so desired by and thought he was so into them, when they actually left the marriage, the guy was running so fast he left skid marks on the carpet on his way out. The women are now single after their husbands divorced them. AP no where in sight.

And no I haven't been cheated on in my marriage. I just find it amusing when women believe what they are told, players play.

DP, but you are projecting a lot onto pp’s post. PP said nothing about believing she’s the only one, that he was going to leave the marriage for her, etc. Her post was purely about sexual desire.

[Anonymous]

What’s your definition of down? Not as pretty? Not as rich? Not as “connected”? Sounds like he had that and decided to go for someone who was glad to see him.

People “affair down” by definition because anyone willing to cheat with a person they know is married is, at a minimum, morally bankrupt. And no, I have not been cheated on because my spouse and I have solid boundaries and respect each other.