I know this makes me an internet jerk but I'm so mad at the posters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP of one of the posts you mention. I totally get it. But I also know it’s irrational. You should, too.

When my dad was diagnosed with aggressive cancer, my axis shifted. I was so pissed off at the world. How dare people complain about small stuff when MY DAD IS DYING FROM PAINFUL CANCER AND I AM GOING TO MISS HIM! But then I thought, he isn’t dead; someone has it worse than me. I just found out my dad has cancer? Someone just found out their dad is DEAD, so who am I here with my small problems.

And you know what? Yes, small petty things still annoy me, you, and everyone. And that’s ok! I can, AND WILL, grieve my father and also that small annoyance at the same time. And so does everyone else. The world does not stop because you are in pain. Life’s little annoyances don’t stop, nor do they become less annoying, because you are in pain. Your HUGE issue doesn’t make anyone else’s small issue any less significant. Nobody is that special.

If you are referring to annoyances in general you have a valid point.

If you are referring to small annoyances of your father then you may be sorely wrong. You have no idea how his death will hit you. You only have the idea of it right now. Death itself changes everything because a part of your world will indeed stop.

Well, I do, and like I said, I understand that feelings can sometimes be irrational. People are allowed to complain about their parents annoyances even though I don’t have mine, because I remember being annoyed, too. I’m grieving, I haven’t lost my sense of logic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:who are complaining about their parents and inlaws over nothing. NOTHING. Yes, my and DH's parents are dead and it just kills me to see, on the DCUM front page, complaints from posters because 1) parents deposit money into their bank accounts; 2) parent asks for but doesn't use lists when giving christmas presents; 3) parents want to attend their kids' functions too much -- and it goes on and on and on. I know it's rude and stupid but I want to respond to each and every one of them - Don't you realize how precious this is? Don't you see how how lucky your kids are? Can't you appreciate them for their good intentions even when accompanied by clumsy execution? Don't you know they'll be gone too soon? Can't you, if nothing else, at least appreciate that they put your spouse into the world?

WAAAH! I just to want to have a big cry and I miss my parents so much, especially around the holidays. They would have loved my kids so much if they'd had the chance to meet them. Ok. Rant over. Carry on. Thank you.

Well said!

Not really, no.

Actually, it is well said. Op expressed her feelings while acknowledging that she can be considered a "jerk" for it.

She sounds like a teenager though so her feeling were expressed in a very immature way.

She sparked a lively conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP of one of the posts you mention. I totally get it. But I also know it’s irrational. You should, too.

When my dad was diagnosed with aggressive cancer, my axis shifted. I was so pissed off at the world. How dare people complain about small stuff when MY DAD IS DYING FROM PAINFUL CANCER AND I AM GOING TO MISS HIM! But then I thought, he isn’t dead; someone has it worse than me. I just found out my dad has cancer? Someone just found out their dad is DEAD, so who am I here with my small problems.

And you know what? Yes, small petty things still annoy me, you, and everyone. And that’s ok! I can, AND WILL, grieve my father and also that small annoyance at the same time. And so does everyone else. The world does not stop because you are in pain. Life’s little annoyances don’t stop, nor do they become less annoying, because you are in pain. Your HUGE issue doesn’t make anyone else’s small issue any less significant. Nobody is that special.

If you are referring to annoyances in general you have a valid point.

If you are referring to small annoyances of your father then you may be sorely wrong. You have no idea how his death will hit you. You only have the idea of it right now. Death itself changes everything because a part of your world will indeed stop.

I'm the poster that was sexually abused by the father that's still embraced by the family unit. So, when I read the above...and I'm sure there are other people that feel similar...I think to myself...wow, should I just pretend like nothing happened so when he dies I won't have regrets? When you're from a seriously abusive family...you're perspective is already so skewed that when you read the diatribes from people who've lost family members (from a functional or semi-functional household) and they're constantly saying how horrible it is when the parent dies...how you have no idea how it will affect you...how you'll have so many regrets...it can be very impactful in a negative way toward people that are truly struggling to make sense of their situation and reconcile their right to emotional health to the detriment of their extended family relationship. This idea really reiterates the points of the posters that talk about your perspective really coming from one of privilege.

[Anonymous]

OP and supporters, why do you think YOUR experience is necessarily going to be true for everyone else -- to the point where you will lecture them about it?

Doesn't that strike you as rather self-centered and hubristic, especially given that other people are describing very different relationships with their living parents than the ones you had?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP of one of the posts you mention. I totally get it. But I also know it’s irrational. You should, too.

When my dad was diagnosed with aggressive cancer, my axis shifted. I was so pissed off at the world. How dare people complain about small stuff when MY DAD IS DYING FROM PAINFUL CANCER AND I AM GOING TO MISS HIM! But then I thought, he isn’t dead; someone has it worse than me. I just found out my dad has cancer? Someone just found out their dad is DEAD, so who am I here with my small problems.

And you know what? Yes, small petty things still annoy me, you, and everyone. And that’s ok! I can, AND WILL, grieve my father and also that small annoyance at the same time. And so does everyone else. The world does not stop because you are in pain. Life’s little annoyances don’t stop, nor do they become less annoying, because you are in pain. Your HUGE issue doesn’t make anyone else’s small issue any less significant. Nobody is that special.

If you are referring to annoyances in general you have a valid point.

If you are referring to small annoyances of your father then you may be sorely wrong. You have no idea how his death will hit you. You only have the idea of it right now. Death itself changes everything because a part of your world will indeed stop.

I'm the poster that was sexually abused by the father that's still embraced by the family unit. So, when I read the above...and I'm sure there are other people that feel similar...I think to myself...wow, should I just pretend like nothing happened so when he dies I won't have regrets? When you're from a seriously abusive family...you're perspective is already so skewed that when you read the diatribes from people who've lost family members (from a functional or semi-functional household) and they're constantly saying how horrible it is when the parent dies...how you have no idea how it will affect you...how you'll have so many regrets...it can be very impactful in a negative way toward people that are truly struggling to make sense of their situation and reconcile their right to emotional health to the detriment of their extended family relationship. This idea really reiterates the points of the posters that talk about your perspective really coming from one of privilege.

Np. I lost both of my parents months apart many years ago. I participated in 2 parental bereavement groups. The participants who appeared to be suffering the most were those who had difficult, contentious relationships or who were alienated (justifiably, like you) from their parent. That's not to say they felt the same feelings op mentioned but, rather, they were caught completely off guard by their powerful emotions over the death. No one should begrudge you your feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP of one of the posts you mention. I totally get it. But I also know it’s irrational. You should, too.

When my dad was diagnosed with aggressive cancer, my axis shifted. I was so pissed off at the world. How dare people complain about small stuff when MY DAD IS DYING FROM PAINFUL CANCER AND I AM GOING TO MISS HIM! But then I thought, he isn’t dead; someone has it worse than me. I just found out my dad has cancer? Someone just found out their dad is DEAD, so who am I here with my small problems.

And you know what? Yes, small petty things still annoy me, you, and everyone. And that’s ok! I can, AND WILL, grieve my father and also that small annoyance at the same time. And so does everyone else. The world does not stop because you are in pain. Life’s little annoyances don’t stop, nor do they become less annoying, because you are in pain. Your HUGE issue doesn’t make anyone else’s small issue any less significant. Nobody is that special.

If you are referring to annoyances in general you have a valid point.

If you are referring to small annoyances of your father then you may be sorely wrong. You have no idea how his death will hit you. You only have the idea of it right now. Death itself changes everything because a part of your world will indeed stop.

Well, I do, and like I said, I understand that feelings can sometimes be irrational. People are allowed to complain about their parents annoyances even though I don’t have mine, because I remember being annoyed, too. I’m grieving, I haven’t lost my sense of logic.

?? This wasn't directed at OP (who I am in agreement with) it was directed at the poster quoted.

[Anonymous]

I hear you, OP. It is super frustrating. The thing I've come to realize is that most of those types of threads are begun by and continued by people who are pretty immature and narcissistic. Most of the OPs and a lot of the respondents need therapy because there is something wrong with them. I myself have taken a break from this forum because of the same reasons. Frankly the only reason I'm monitoring is to keep tabs on a relative who posts here a lot and on a few other forums. But I do always feel like I'm wading through a lot of much and yuck. Anyway, I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. Others feel the way you do. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:who are complaining about their parents and inlaws over nothing. NOTHING. Yes, my and DH's parents are dead and it just kills me to see, on the DCUM front page, complaints from posters because 1) parents deposit money into their bank accounts; 2) parent asks for but doesn't use lists when giving christmas presents; 3) parents want to attend their kids' functions too much -- and it goes on and on and on. I know it's rude and stupid but I want to respond to each and every one of them - Don't you realize how precious this is? Don't you see how how lucky your kids are? Can't you appreciate them for their good intentions even when accompanied by clumsy execution? Don't you know they'll be gone too soon? Can't you, if nothing else, at least appreciate that they put your spouse into the world?

WAAAH! I just to want to have a big cry and I miss my parents so much, especially around the holidays. They would have loved my kids so much if they'd had the chance to meet them. Ok. Rant over. Carry on. Thank you.

Yep that makes you a jerk. Just because you don’t have parents doesn’t mean others should be walked in like doormats by theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:who are complaining about their parents and inlaws over nothing. NOTHING. Yes, my and DH's parents are dead and it just kills me to see, on the DCUM front page, complaints from posters because 1) parents deposit money into their bank accounts; 2) parent asks for but doesn't use lists when giving christmas presents; 3) parents want to attend their kids' functions too much -- and it goes on and on and on. I know it's rude and stupid but I want to respond to each and every one of them - Don't you realize how precious this is? Don't you see how how lucky your kids are? Can't you appreciate them for their good intentions even when accompanied by clumsy execution? Don't you know they'll be gone too soon? Can't you, if nothing else, at least appreciate that they put your spouse into the world?

WAAAH! I just to want to have a big cry and I miss my parents so much, especially around the holidays. They would have loved my kids so much if they'd had the chance to meet them. Ok. Rant over. Carry on. Thank you.

RANT ON!

My parents are toxic. No amount of trying will make them better. They are dangerous to my family. They let unacceptable people around my children.

Not at all sorry I finally cut them out of my life.

Wish I had a better family 100 percent. Need to vent about them absolutely.

[Anonymous]

As another person who lost both parents I totally understand and sympathize. Sending love.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry for your loss. I have compassion for you and it doesn't take away from any poster's who need to vent.

There's room for everyone here.

Hugs to you OP.

[Anonymous]

I agree OP, and I’m so sorry you are grieving.

My in-laws can drive me crazy, my parents are a bit cooky, but I love them all. Even when my MIL was mean and difficult to love, she raised an amazing man, and I could never be petty or intentionally hateful as some of the recent posters have been over the past few weeks. Some threads are very difficult to read and goes way beyond venting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand what you're saying but I think you need to understand not everyone has the same relationship or feelings toward their parents that you do.

I am estranged from my parents and my ILs are dead. Prior to being estranged, my parents did not have good intentions. Not everyone's do. Being around them was painful and toxic. People are allowed to have those feelings as well and furthermore, can and should set boundaries. People like you often can't understand when people have these feelings toward parents or ILs. It's a very taboo topic, but it's not uncommon and it shouldn't have to be taboo on an anonymous message board. I have had so many people make me feel like something is wrong with me for having my feelings. Which I will tell you, that sucks.

So maybe don't comment on every post and realize not everyone gets great parents in life.

+1, and well written PP!

[Anonymous]

No one should ever complain about anything. Someone always has it harder. That's not how life works.

I'm disabled and have a chronic illness. No healthy people can complain about being tired from daily activities that I can't even do.

People shouldn't complain about their jobs because there are poorer & unemployed people.

No complaining about your child's soccer team or school when there are children unable to attend either.

FTR H's parents are deceased. We still complain about my parents from time to time who are wonderful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sorry for your loss. I have compassion for you and it doesn't take away from any poster's who need to vent.

There's room for everyone here.

Hugs to you OP.

+1. Everyone has their “stuff”. Everyone needs to vent sometimes, and I’d say it’s sometimes better to do on an anonymous forum than letting it fester and then blow up at your MIL in real life.

This is different, but my sister has a Very Important, Very Stressful job. I literally can’t say anything negative about my job (which she no doubts thinks is meaningless) around her. Over time I’ve just stopped talking to her about meaningful things in general, because she always makes it a competition and tries to make me feel like my problems aren’t important.