I know this makes me an internet jerk but I'm so mad at the posters

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everyone is an asshole in someone else’s view. To the child of abusive parents, you might seem like an asshole for suggesting they should shut up and be grateful for whatever their parents give them if any particular offense didn’t seem sufficiently egregious to meet your standards.

Yes. OP, I feel complete empathy for you... but my father sexually abused me as a child. When I finally brought this up to my family recently (they knew) they have told me I need to let it go for the good of the family. This means having my family around my abuser and the people who don’t love me enough to stand up for me. My story isn’t an anomaly. When I read your post, I thought how awesome it would be to miss family this much when they pass. How great they must have been to you. Focus inward and be happy for what you had. Not everyone gets that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:who are complaining about their parents and inlaws over nothing. NOTHING. Yes, my and DH's parents are dead and it just kills me to see, on the DCUM front page, complaints from posters because 1) parents deposit money into their bank accounts; 2) parent asks for but doesn't use lists when giving christmas presents; 3) parents want to attend their kids' functions too much -- and it goes on and on and on. I know it's rude and stupid but I want to respond to each and every one of them - Don't you realize how precious this is? Don't you see how how lucky your kids are? Can't you appreciate them for their good intentions even when accompanied by clumsy execution? Don't you know they'll be gone too soon? Can't you, if nothing else, at least appreciate that they put your spouse into the world?

WAAAH! I just to want to have a big cry and I miss my parents so much, especially around the holidays. They would have loved my kids so much if they'd had the chance to meet them. Ok. Rant over. Carry on. Thank you.

I miss my dad and FIL all the time, too. But I also can see why some of the posters get aggravated with some of the things that their dads do. It doesn't mean that they don't love them.

[Anonymous]

You know, I have never felt "the way you feel," OP. Sorry to let you and your schadenfreude down.

My parents had ups and downs, but their deaths came after long, protracted illnesses. I cannot separate the thought of them still living from that pain and misery for them, and for me. SO I loved and cared for them while they were alive, and I said goodbye to them when I left. And I went on doing all the good things I could with my life, and I think they would be proud and happy for me.

But I don't want them back. It was heartbreaking. And that doesn't make me a bad person, no matter what you think. I'll feel fine judging you for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know, I have never felt "the way you feel," OP. Sorry to let you and your schadenfreude down.

My parents had ups and downs, but their deaths came after long, protracted illnesses. I cannot separate the thought of them still living from that pain and misery for them, and for me. SO I loved and cared for them while they were alive, and I said goodbye to them when they left. And I went on doing all the good things I could with my life, and I think they would be proud and happy for me.

But I don't want them back. It was heartbreaking. And that doesn't make me a bad person, no matter what you think. I'll feel fine judging you for that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:who are complaining about their parents and inlaws over nothing. NOTHING. Yes, my and DH's parents are dead and it just kills me to see, on the DCUM front page, complaints from posters because 1) parents deposit money into their bank accounts; 2) parent asks for but doesn't use lists when giving christmas presents; 3) parents want to attend their kids' functions too much -- and it goes on and on and on. I know it's rude and stupid but I want to respond to each and every one of them - Don't you realize how precious this is? Don't you see how how lucky your kids are? Can't you appreciate them for their good intentions even when accompanied by clumsy execution? Don't you know they'll be gone too soon? Can't you, if nothing else, at least appreciate that they put your spouse into the world?

WAAAH! I just to want to have a big cry and I miss my parents so much, especially around the holidays. They would have loved my kids so much if they'd had the chance to meet them. Ok. Rant over. Carry on. Thank you.

Well said!

[Anonymous]

This is a good reminder to be grateful to my parents. I do think that people get to vent and be upset but perspective is always important. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:who are complaining about their parents and inlaws over nothing. NOTHING. Yes, my and DH's parents are dead and it just kills me to see, on the DCUM front page, complaints from posters because 1) parents deposit money into their bank accounts; 2) parent asks for but doesn't use lists when giving christmas presents; 3) parents want to attend their kids' functions too much -- and it goes on and on and on. I know it's rude and stupid but I want to respond to each and every one of them - Don't you realize how precious this is? Don't you see how how lucky your kids are? Can't you appreciate them for their good intentions even when accompanied by clumsy execution? Don't you know they'll be gone too soon? Can't you, if nothing else, at least appreciate that they put your spouse into the world?

WAAAH! I just to want to have a big cry and I miss my parents so much, especially around the holidays. They would have loved my kids so much if they'd had the chance to meet them. Ok. Rant over. Carry on. Thank you.

Well said!

Not really, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:who are complaining about their parents and inlaws over nothing. NOTHING. Yes, my and DH's parents are dead and it just kills me to see, on the DCUM front page, complaints from posters because 1) parents deposit money into their bank accounts; 2) parent asks for but doesn't use lists when giving christmas presents; 3) parents want to attend their kids' functions too much -- and it goes on and on and on. I know it's rude and stupid but I want to respond to each and every one of them - Don't you realize how precious this is? Don't you see how how lucky your kids are? Can't you appreciate them for their good intentions even when accompanied by clumsy execution? Don't you know they'll be gone too soon? Can't you, if nothing else, at least appreciate that they put your spouse into the world?

WAAAH! I just to want to have a big cry and I miss my parents so much, especially around the holidays. They would have loved my kids so much if they'd had the chance to meet them. Ok. Rant over. Carry on. Thank you.

Well said!

Not really, no.

Actually, it is well said. Op expressed her feelings while acknowledging that she can be considered a "jerk" for it.

[Anonymous]

OP I hear you AND it happens in real life too. I never do say anything because they don't know. One day they will.

I have a coworker who always says what is annoying her and that her father is dying. He has been dying for 6 or so years. He is currently 90. My father got sick and died when I was 28. It took 3 months. My mom got sick and died when I was 30 -- she was only 6 and I had just given birth the day before she died.

Yes my parents did annoy me. I wonder what they would be like now. I wonder what it would be like to have watched them age or become grandparents. I wonder what kind of parent I would be like if I could call my mom and ask her questions.

I am sure they would have annoyed me -- I would take that in a heartbeat any day for the last 2 decades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I hear you AND it happens in real life too. I never do say anything because they don't know. One day they will.

I have a coworker who always says what is annoying her and that her father is dying. He has been dying for 6 or so years. He is currently 90. My father got sick and died when I was 28. It took 3 months. My mom got sick and died when I was 30 -- she was only 6 and I had just given birth the day before she died.

Yes my parents did annoy me. I wonder what they would be like now. I wonder what it would be like to have watched them age or become grandparents. I wonder what kind of parent I would be like if I could call my mom and ask her questions.

I am sure they would have annoyed me -- I would take that in a heartbeat any day for the last 2 decades.

*she was only 60 should say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I hear you AND it happens in real life too. I never do say anything because they don't know. One day they will.

I have a coworker who always says what is annoying her and that her father is dying. He has been dying for 6 or so years. He is currently 90. My father got sick and died when I was 28. It took 3 months. My mom got sick and died when I was 30 -- she was only 6 and I had just given birth the day before she died.

Yes my parents did annoy me. I wonder what they would be like now. I wonder what it would be like to have watched them age or become grandparents. I wonder what kind of parent I would be like if I could call my mom and ask her questions.

I am sure they would have annoyed me -- I would take that in a heartbeat any day for the last 2 decades.

God some of you are so dense though. People have parents who are alive who they can't call and ask them questions!!!! You and OP have ZERO clue about the context of people's lifetime relationship with their parents. What sounds like a petty complaint to you might be the tip of the iceberg. Or, shocker, some people don't want to lay heavy shit on you so they might just mention the petty stuff. My parents were emotionally and/or physically abusive or are mentally ill or are alcoholics but I put up with them anyway does not tend to be a real conversation starter.

Just like no one has walked a mile in your shoes, don't assume you know the path other people have walked.

[Anonymous]

I am not close to my parents because they are not very nice people and they have zero interest in my children and they refuse to have any kind of honest dialogue. I do see them 1-2x per year, so I've got my share of petty complaints as well.

I learned long ago not to talk about them with other people though because of people like you OP. If you say out loud that you don't really like your parents or don't want to be around them and if you further dare to say it without any shame, these are the kinds of responses you get.

"Oh, you don't mean that."
"You'll miss them when they are gone."
"I'm sure your parents love you."
"Oh stop" (nervous laughter)

Because it's difficult for some people to contemplate that there are parents on this earth who are bad people. They just won't hear of it.

Sorry if it burns you up OP. But some of us are in this boat. So the thing you are hearing about might seem like NOTHING to you, but you can't really know what it represents to the other person or how they arrived at that place, now can you?

[Anonymous]

I’m the OP of one of the posts you mention. I totally get it. But I also know it’s irrational. You should, too.

When my dad was diagnosed with aggressive cancer, my axis shifted. I was so pissed off at the world. How dare people complain about small stuff when MY DAD IS DYING FROM PAINFUL CANCER AND I AM GOING TO MISS HIM! But then I thought, he isn’t dead; someone has it worse than me. I just found out my dad has cancer? Someone just found out their dad is DEAD, so who am I here with my small problems.

And you know what? Yes, small petty things still annoy me, you, and everyone. And that’s ok! I can, AND WILL, grieve my father and also that small annoyance at the same time. And so does everyone else. The world does not stop because you are in pain. Life’s little annoyances don’t stop, nor do they become less annoying, because you are in pain. Your HUGE issue doesn’t make anyone else’s small issue any less significant. Nobody is that special.

[Anonymous]

Some spoiled, entitled, bratty children become spoiled, entitled bratty adults. They are so privileged that they don't even realize how ridiculous their problems are.

They are like the rich kids who pout and complain about their meager $5K or $10K a month budgets.

Just roll your eyes like the rest of us and be glad your life has more substance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP of one of the posts you mention. I totally get it. But I also know it’s irrational. You should, too.

When my dad was diagnosed with aggressive cancer, my axis shifted. I was so pissed off at the world. How dare people complain about small stuff when MY DAD IS DYING FROM PAINFUL CANCER AND I AM GOING TO MISS HIM! But then I thought, he isn’t dead; someone has it worse than me. I just found out my dad has cancer? Someone just found out their dad is DEAD, so who am I here with my small problems.

And you know what? Yes, small petty things still annoy me, you, and everyone. And that’s ok! I can, AND WILL, grieve my father and also that small annoyance at the same time. And so does everyone else. The world does not stop because you are in pain. Life’s little annoyances don’t stop, nor do they become less annoying, because you are in pain. Your HUGE issue doesn’t make anyone else’s small issue any less significant. Nobody is that special.

it isn't that you can't have annoyances - it is when you are so out of touch with the real world that your annoyances are other peoples luxuries. it is like venting that you can't believe you had to slum it last night and sleep at a $1000/night hotel that only had 700 thread count sheets. And you moan on and on about this issue / annoyance in your life thinking it is an actual problem because you are so privileged that your perspective about what is a problem to be annoyed about is so skewed.