Reply to I know this makes me an internet jerk but I'm so mad at the posters

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’m the OP of one of the posts you mention. I totally get it. But I also know it’s irrational. You should, too.

When my dad was diagnosed with aggressive cancer, my axis shifted. I was so pissed off at the world. How dare people complain about small stuff when MY DAD IS DYING FROM PAINFUL CANCER AND I AM GOING TO MISS HIM! But then I thought, he isn’t dead; someone has it worse than me. I just found out my dad has cancer? Someone just found out their dad is DEAD, so who am I here with my small problems.

And you know what? Yes, small petty things still annoy me, you, and everyone. And that’s ok! I can, AND WILL, grieve my father and also that small annoyance at the same time. And so does everyone else. The world does not stop because you are in pain. Life’s little annoyances don’t stop, nor do they become less annoying, because you are in pain. Your HUGE issue doesn’t make anyone else’s small issue any less significant. Nobody is that special. [/quote]

If you are referring to annoyances in general you have a valid point.

If you are referring to small annoyances of your father then you may be sorely wrong.  You have no idea how his death will hit you.  You only have the idea of it right now.  Death itself changes everything because a part of your world will indeed stop.

[/quote]

I'm the poster that was sexually abused by the father that's still embraced by the family unit. So, when I read the above...and I'm sure there are other people that feel similar...I think to myself...wow, should I just pretend like nothing happened so when he dies I won't have regrets? When you're from a seriously abusive family...you're perspective is already so skewed that when you read the diatribes from people who've lost family members (from a functional or semi-functional household) and they're constantly saying how horrible it is when the parent dies...how you have no idea how it will affect you...how you'll have so many regrets...it can be very impactful in a negative way toward people that are truly struggling to make sense of their situation and reconcile their right to emotional health to the detriment of their extended family relationship. This idea really reiterates the points of the posters that talk about your perspective really coming from one of privilege. [/quote]

Np. I lost both of my parents months apart many years ago. I participated in 2 parental bereavement groups. The participants who appeared to be suffering the most were those who had difficult, contentious relationships or who were alienated (justifiably, like you) from their parent. That's not to say they felt the same feelings op mentioned but, rather, they were caught completely off guard by their powerful emotions over the death. No one should begrudge you your feelings.[/quote]

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