How to talk to husband about wanting a 3rd child?

[Anonymous]

I don't know that you need to say anything.

Just wear some nice lingerie and welcome him home after a long business trip.

Voila. 3rd baby.

You're welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, DCUM is very anti-natalist. Ignore the mean posters. It's totally natural to want more children and feel overwhelmed at the same time. Can you lead with acknowledging what his concerns might be and just tell him how you feel? That you feel like your plates are full and yet you have this yearning and want to know how he feels? I've learned that if you present it as a "how do you feel about it" versus "this is what I want," it's a better start. Good luck! Don't not have a baby because of some a-holes on DCUM.

Just because OP wants something doesn’t mean it’s the best decision for the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, DCUM is very anti-natalist. Ignore the mean posters. It's totally natural to want more children and feel overwhelmed at the same time. Can you lead with acknowledging what his concerns might be and just tell him how you feel? That you feel like your plates are full and yet you have this yearning and want to know how he feels? I've learned that if you present it as a "how do you feel about it" versus "this is what I want," it's a better start. Good luck! Don't not have a baby because of some a-holes on DCUM.

Just because OP wants something doesn’t mean it’s the best decision for the family.

She also said they're 'barely keeping afloat' and her husband 'won't be on board.'

Both of those are major issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, DCUM is very anti-natalist. Ignore the mean posters. It's totally natural to want more children and feel overwhelmed at the same time. Can you lead with acknowledging what his concerns might be and just tell him how you feel? That you feel like your plates are full and yet you have this yearning and want to know how he feels? I've learned that if you present it as a "how do you feel about it" versus "this is what I want," it's a better start. Good luck! Don't not have a baby because of some a-holes on DCUM.

Ha, nope, I've done two years of fertility treatments including 4 rounds of IVF trying to have another baby. But when the OP is swimming in red flags, it's irresponsible and naive to say "have another baby! It will be great and once you see that sweet face everything will be worth it!" I wouldn't advise a friend to try to convince her husband to have another if they had communication issues, were barely keeping their heads above water, and could barely manage the two they already have. Plus with a husband that travels and is not on board with another? Why rush things if the little one is only 2?

[Anonymous]

Op sounds like one of those nutballs whose "dream" is at the sacrifice of everything else. What's the difference between a family of 4 sitting around a dinner table and a family of 5? One is still managing to keep their heads above water, are generally Happy, and can handle their busy lives. The other isn't. So if your silly dream is that important, talk to dh. I think you're an idiot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know that you need to say anything.

Just wear some nice lingerie and welcome him home after a long business trip.

Voila. 3rd baby.

You're welcome.

Yeah right - any man who is worth marrying wouldn’t be so short sighted. So ridiculous. Nice try. Might work with a pushover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a frequent topic here. Don’t have another child unless you are both on board. Also - be grateful for what you already have.

Read this post over and over, OP. Memorize it and profit thereby! You cannot "talk" someone into wanting another child. If he doesn't want another, leave it be and, as suggested, be grateful for what you have,!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think OP’s vision of her family in 5 years is something to ignore. Most people over value the short-term in deciding whether to have kids. If you can get through the next 5 years somehow, then what you want your family to look like at years 5+ is more important...

Yeah, if getting through that five years is disastrous, why should things magically change once they're over? You can't parent from a place of being completely overwhelmed for years (suggesting you may well be shortchanging your kids and yourself) and then expect everything to be hunky-dory on the other side. Chaos doesn't usually breed order, at least, not the healthy kind.

I know someone who fits this. She really wanted a third. Husband felt overwhelmed with two. The third child is amazing, but it has pushed their marriage to the brink. He is in the midst of a major health crisis. I think she is a person who doesn't mind chaos, who isn't overly controlling, and who genuinely loves children. But this isn't the kind of project you can rock solo. Not having happiness in your day to day life is a high price to pay for a dream. They are a very loving and amazing family. But it's been a tough, tough few years with no end in sight.

Parents' stress level really impacts the well-being of the older kids. This is what makes me hold off from a third. I don't want to delude myself into thinking there will be less stress with another baby in the picture. Somehow I think a lot of women feel, if I can just have that last baby I'll be able to feel content in life. Is that true?

[Anonymous]

Life is a struggle, and it makes you strong. How many great Americans were raised in large families that had to make do without so much fancy stuff? You can pay for college with a ROTC scholarship. If having another kid is more important than raising them in the lap of luxury, then go for it, and you will all be happier ever after. nb: I can hear the “OK Boomer” echo already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life is a struggle, and it makes you strong. How many great Americans were raised in large families that had to make do without so much fancy stuff? You can pay for college with a ROTC scholarship. If having another kid is more important than raising them in the lap of luxury, then go for it, and you will all be happier ever after. nb: I can hear the “OK Boomer” echo already.

Yes, perhaps OP will. DH and the kids will probably not be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Life is a struggle, and it makes you strong. How many great Americans were raised in large families that had to make do without so much fancy stuff? You can pay for college with a ROTC scholarship. If having another kid is more important than raising them in the lap of luxury, then go for it, and you will all be happier ever after. nb: I can hear the “OK Boomer” echo already.

Weren't they raised by stay at home moms though? Not to get into a SAHM vs WOHM battle (as kids from both households fare well! no arguments from me there) but the division of labor in the days of the large families was pretty delineated and the dad's salary back then could support the family (if frugally). It's a different world now, and juggling two full time jobs plus one spouse's travel schedule, and adding in current healthcare and college costs creates a whole different ball game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you just now able to watch your current two kids on your own comfortably? My kids are the same ages and I SAH so I’ve been watching them both on my own for 2+ years and while it’s definitely challenging and even on good days I’d never describe it as easy, it is manageable.

Your answer to this question would likely influence my response to how to talk your husband into a third kid.

She mentioned in her OP that she also works outside the home and that her husband frequently travels. Having been in both positions I found trying to work full time and juggle two kids (to include picking them up on time from two different locations) while my spouse was traveling far more difficult than being a full time SAHM. Maybe you should be a little less quick to judge.

NP, but there's something right about what PP said. I work full-time and both my husband and I travel and we've been able to take care of our twins by ourselves since day one. I find it odd that OP is saying she can only now do so. Also, pretty much all of my friends are like this - two kids, both parents work, each parent can take care of both kids alone.

[Anonymous]

^^^^

She said take care of them comfortably, not take care of them at all.

I get what she’s saying - two little kids are hard but it’s easier as they get older. Why are so many people confused by this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^^

She said take care of them comfortably, not take care of them at all.

I get what she’s saying - two little kids are hard but it’s easier as they get older. Why are so many people confused by this?

By that metric, taking care of kids is never “comfortable.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^^

She said take care of them comfortably, not take care of them at all.

I get what she’s saying - two little kids are hard but it’s easier as they get older. Why are so many people confused by this?

By that metric, taking care of kids is never “comfortable.”

What? Sure it is. Taking care of my kids is down right fun! Not when I had a toddler and a baby though. Perhaps you’re the one with parenting issues, not OP.