How to talk to husband about wanting a 3rd child?

[Anonymous]

Our kids are 2 and 5. We both work and barely keep our heads afloat. But, I know deep down I want a third kid. In 5 years, I see us sitting around the table as a family of 5. I know my husband is not going to be on board. He works a lot and travels a lot, and we are finally to a point where I can watch both kids by myself now comfortably. Any suggestions of 1) things to consider before talking to him and 2) how to have the conversation with him? Admittedly we aren't the best at communicating, but we are working on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are 2 and 5. We both work and barely keep our heads afloat. But, I know deep down I want a third kid. In 5 years, I see us sitting around the table as a family of 5. I know my husband is not going to be on board. He works a lot and travels a lot, and we are finally to a point where I can watch both kids by myself now comfortably. Any suggestions of 1) things to consider before talking to him and 2) how to have the conversation with him? Admittedly we aren't the best at communicating, but we are working on it.

This is a big red flag to me.

[Anonymous]

This is a frequent topic here. Don’t have another child unless you are both on board. Also - be grateful for what you already have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are 2 and 5. We both work and barely keep our heads afloat. But, I know deep down I want a third kid. In 5 years, I see us sitting around the table as a family of 5. I know my husband is not going to be on board. He works a lot and travels a lot, and we are finally to a point where I can watch both kids by myself now comfortably. Any suggestions of 1) things to consider before talking to him and 2) how to have the conversation with him? Admittedly we aren't the best at communicating, but we are working on it.

Oof. I don't know how to have this convo with him, but as for your first point - definitely think about the finances and logistics before you bring it up. I mean, sure, the early days pass and soon enough your third will also be a more manageable 2 year old, but then you still have 5 more years of daycare to pay for, god knows how much more after school and extracurriculars, health care, and 4 more years of college. If you like to travel, that's one more plane seat for every trip. Will you need a bigger house? Bigger car? I'm not trying to talk you out of it I just think you should have pretty good answers to all of this before you approach your husband. If my husband approached me with this idea these are the questions I would immediately pose.

[Anonymous]

These are the situations where third kids ruin a marriage
You have more than you can handle as it is, by the sound of it, and your marriage doesn't sound too solid either. Enjoy the family you have, work on your marriage. Don't add an innocent baby to the mix.

[Anonymous]

I agree that both parents have to be on board, but if you think he might agree if he knows how important it is to you, I'd bring it up now. Explain how you feel deep down and that the feeling hasn't changed, and then drop it and give him time to process. Ask to talk again in 6 months or something. You can't force him to have another kid but I would at least let him know what's on your mind.

The alternative is he lives happily thinking you guys are both pleased with your family size while you seethe with resentment that he stole that last imaginary kid from you.

[Anonymous]

Why are you just now able to watch your current two kids on your own comfortably? My kids are the same ages and I SAH so I’ve been watching them both on my own for 2+ years and while it’s definitely challenging and even on good days I’d never describe it as easy, it is manageable.

Your answer to this question would likely influence my response to how to talk your husband into a third kid.

[Anonymous]

If you are barely keeping your heads afloat I can’t see why this is a good idea beyond your wanting a third child. I wanted a third and my husband was happy with two but we were coping very well with two and I had changed jobs giving me a lot more flexibility. So I told my husband that I could handle a third and the burden would be on me so he agreed. When the third arrived he didn’t put the burden on me and things worked out very well. Money wasn’t a big issue but we weren’t really thinking about what one more college would cost in 18 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you just now able to watch your current two kids on your own comfortably? My kids are the same ages and I SAH so I’ve been watching them both on my own for 2+ years and while it’s definitely challenging and even on good days I’d never describe it as easy, it is manageable.

Your answer to this question would likely influence my response to how to talk your husband into a third kid.

She mentioned in her OP that she also works outside the home and that her husband frequently travels. Having been in both positions I found trying to work full time and juggle two kids (to include picking them up on time from two different locations) while my spouse was traveling far more difficult than being a full time SAHM. Maybe you should be a little less quick to judge.

[Anonymous]

You don’t know how to talk to your husband about a decision like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don’t know how to talk to your husband about a decision like this?

She means how to change his mind.

[Anonymous]

In 5 years I "see myself" in a mansion by the sea.

Not gonna happen.

[Anonymous]

Say “I’m pregnant” and mean it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you just now able to watch your current two kids on your own comfortably? My kids are the same ages and I SAH so I’ve been watching them both on my own for 2+ years and while it’s definitely challenging and even on good days I’d never describe it as easy, it is manageable.

Your answer to this question would likely influence my response to how to talk your husband into a third kid.

She mentioned in her OP that she also works outside the home and that her husband frequently travels. Having been in both positions I found trying to work full time and juggle two kids (to include picking them up on time from two different locations) while my spouse was traveling far more difficult than being a full time SAHM. Maybe you should be a little less quick to judge.

Yes but from her post it sounds like she can’t handle being alone w both kids at all. I’m sure it’s harder to work full time and I do know how hard it is when spouse is traveling but when she is with both kids shouldn’t be that difficult on its own.

[Anonymous]

In all honestly, if you’re barely keeping your head above water, you don’t need another kid. I am in the same boat, but I gave away my maternity jeans this very morning. I desperately want to meet those two extra kids ( any gender!) , but reality says we cannot afford it.