Reply to How to talk to husband about wanting a 3rd child?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don’t think OP’s vision of her family in 5 years is something to ignore. Most people over value the short-term in deciding whether to have kids. [b]If you can get through the next 5 years somehow, then what you want your family to look like at years 5+ is more important..[/b].[/quote]

Yeah, if getting through that five years is disastrous, why should things magically change once they're over?  You can't parent from a place of being completely overwhelmed for years (suggesting you may well be shortchanging your kids and yourself) and then expect everything to be hunky-dory on the other side.  Chaos doesn't usually breed order, at least, not the healthy kind.[/quote]

I know someone who fits this. She really wanted a third. Husband felt overwhelmed with two. The third child is amazing, but it has pushed their marriage to the brink. He is in the midst of a major health crisis. I think she is a person who doesn't mind chaos, who isn't overly controlling, and who genuinely loves children. But this isn't the kind of project you can rock solo. Not having happiness in your day to day life is a high price to pay for a dream. They are a very loving and amazing family. But it's been a tough, tough few years with no end in sight.

Parents' stress level really impacts the well-being of the older kids. This is what makes me hold off from a third. I don't want to delude myself into thinking there will be less stress with another baby in the picture. Somehow I think a lot of women feel, if I can just have that last baby I'll be able to feel content in life. Is that true?

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