How to talk to husband about wanting a 3rd child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are 2 and 5. We both work and barely keep our heads afloat. But, I know deep down I want a third kid. In 5 years, I see us sitting around the table as a family of 5. I know my husband is not going to be on board. He works a lot and travels a lot, and we are finally to a point where I can watch both kids by myself now comfortably. Any suggestions of 1) things to consider before talking to him and 2) how to have the conversation with him? Admittedly we aren't the best at communicating, but we are working on it.

Third kid will make it much easier.. not .
The easiest way then will be just to write in a big caps on a plain page: Third kid? and put check boxes under.. Yes? No? Maybe?
Wait and collect data.

[Anonymous]

Just say “I would really like to have another kid” at dinner or after bedtime or whenever. See what he says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^^

She said take care of them comfortably, not take care of them at all.

I get what she’s saying - two little kids are hard but it’s easier as they get older. Why are so many people confused by this?

By that metric, taking care of kids is never “comfortable.”

What? Sure it is. Taking care of my kids is down right fun! Not when I had a toddler and a baby though. Perhaps you’re the one with parenting issues, not OP.

I didn’t say it wasn’t fun. I love being a parent. I said it’s not ever really comfortable as in easy.

[Anonymous]

If you don’t understand what OP means by it being more comfortable to care for older children than a baby and toddler, you’re either dumb, childless, or being intentionally obtuse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t understand what OP means by it being more comfortable to care for older children than a baby and toddler, you’re either dumb, childless, or being intentionally obtuse.

I don't think it will be in this case. He travels, isn't on board, they don't "communicate" well as it is, they both work a lot. One parent doing all the after-school running around and cooking and cleaning up after and disciplining three older kids while holding down a full time job with a partner who isn't great at communicating isn't "comfortable."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t understand what OP means by it being more comfortable to care for older children than a baby and toddler, you’re either dumb, childless, or being intentionally obtuse.

I don't think it will be in this case. He travels, isn't on board, they don't "communicate" well as it is, they both work a lot. One parent doing all the after-school running around and cooking and cleaning up after and disciplining three older kids while holding down a full time job with a partner who isn't great at communicating isn't "comfortable."

She already said it’s comfortable for her to care for her two children. Without knowing OP, you’re claiming to know whether that’s true for her or not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t understand what OP means by it being more comfortable to care for older children than a baby and toddler, you’re either dumb, childless, or being intentionally obtuse.

I don't think it will be in this case. He travels, isn't on board, they don't "communicate" well as it is, they both work a lot. One parent doing all the after-school running around and cooking and cleaning up after and disciplining three older kids while holding down a full time job with a partner who isn't great at communicating isn't "comfortable."

She already said it’s comfortable for her to care for her two children. Without knowing OP, you’re claiming to know whether that’s true for her or not?

What?! I'm sure she knows whether she is comfortable or not caring for two children. That's not what we are discussing. We are talking about three kids, at older ages than she is experiencing now and whether that would be "more comfortable".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a frequent topic here. Don’t have another child unless you are both on board. Also - be grateful for what you already have.

Read this post over and over, OP. Memorize it and profit thereby! You cannot "talk" someone into wanting another child. If he doesn't want another, leave it be and, as suggested, be grateful for what you have,!

+1
wake up from the dream, welcome to reality. not to mention, think about the impact on your kids and husband, not just about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t understand what OP means by it being more comfortable to care for older children than a baby and toddler, you’re either dumb, childless, or being intentionally obtuse.

I don't think it will be in this case. He travels, isn't on board, they don't "communicate" well as it is, they both work a lot. One parent doing all the after-school running around and cooking and cleaning up after and disciplining three older kids while holding down a full time job with a partner who isn't great at communicating isn't "comfortable."

She already said it’s comfortable for her to care for her two children. Without knowing OP, you’re claiming to know whether that’s true for her or not?

What?! I'm sure she knows whether she is comfortable or not caring for two children. That's not what we are discussing. We are talking about three kids, at older ages than she is experiencing now and whether that would be "more comfortable".

Nope. That’s not the conversation you jumped into. OP never said having three kids was comfortable. She said she was finally able to care for her current two kids comfortably. Than a bunch of people who wanted to make themselves feel good jumped in to say how they couldn’t believe OP couldn’t care for her own two children until now.

[Anonymous]

Well, the way most people I know talked about the third child was, "Honey, I'm pregnant." Many #3s are oopsies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t understand what OP means by it being more comfortable to care for older children than a baby and toddler, you’re either dumb, childless, or being intentionally obtuse.

I don't think it will be in this case. He travels, isn't on board, they don't "communicate" well as it is, they both work a lot. One parent doing all the after-school running around and cooking and cleaning up after and disciplining three older kids while holding down a full time job with a partner who isn't great at communicating isn't "comfortable."

She already said it’s comfortable for her to care for her two children. Without knowing OP, you’re claiming to know whether that’s true for her or not?

What?! I'm sure she knows whether she is comfortable or not caring for two children. That's not what we are discussing. We are talking about three kids, at older ages than she is experiencing now and whether that would be "more comfortable".

Nope. That’s not the conversation you jumped into. OP never said having three kids was comfortable. She said she was finally able to care for her current two kids comfortably. Than a bunch of people who wanted to make themselves feel good jumped in to say how they couldn’t believe OP couldn’t care for her own two children until now.

I directly quoted the comment I was referring to and in the second post, bolded it for good measure. I am not talking about OP's taking care of two kids comfortably.

[Anonymous]

A third kid is hard. You have to get a vehicle with three rows. Travel is super expensive. All three will want to do different activities.

I adore our third. But he made life significantly harder. We were perfectly afloat and had good communication before he came along and it was still a strain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t understand what OP means by it being more comfortable to care for older children than a baby and toddler, you’re either dumb, childless, or being intentionally obtuse.

I don't think it will be in this case. He travels, isn't on board, they don't "communicate" well as it is, they both work a lot. One parent doing all the after-school running around and cooking and cleaning up after and disciplining three older kids while holding down a full time job with a partner who isn't great at communicating isn't "comfortable."

She already said it’s comfortable for her to care for her two children. Without knowing OP, you’re claiming to know whether that’s true for her or not?

What?! I'm sure she knows whether she is comfortable or not caring for two children. That's not what we are discussing. We are talking about three kids, at older ages than she is experiencing now and whether that would be "more comfortable".

Nope. That’s not the conversation you jumped into. OP never said having three kids was comfortable. She said she was finally able to care for her current two kids comfortably. Than a bunch of people who wanted to make themselves feel good jumped in to say how they couldn’t believe OP couldn’t care for her own two children until now.

Those of us who noted that comment did so because if it takes two *years* for someone to feel comfortable caring for two children solo, it's probably not a great idea to add a third child. Caring for two kids solo is a walk in the park compared to caring for three kids solo.

Comfortable doesn't mean easy. It just means you can do it. Two years is a long time to reach that benchmark.

[Anonymous]

The problem is that if you do this, in 5 years you will not have a family of 5 sitting around the table. It will be a family of 4 some days, and you alone some days while they are at their dad's place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t understand what OP means by it being more comfortable to care for older children than a baby and toddler, you’re either dumb, childless, or being intentionally obtuse.

And you have reading comprehension problems, apparently. She said she is just now feeling comfortable taking care of them. Not that she enjoyed it, or that it was easy, but that she felt comfortable. I would have said I felt comfortable taking care of my twins at a much younger age than when they were toddlers. Perhaps she meant something else by "comfortable" but she didn't say it was MORE comfortable now - she said it was finally comfortable.