Not sure what you’re taking about? I’ve never posted before on this forum but I’ll look for it. Thank you for your support. |
OP: I’m the mom of the two autistic kids. I didn’t mean to suggest that you were depressed as in having a mental illness. But you do sound tired and burned out with your daughter, and your frustration tolerance with her is clearly low. It sounds like a hard situation for you, her and everyone.
Please prioritize looking into an evaluation for her. She may just be challenging because she is, but there’s also a good chance she needs some expert intervention. I’m assuming she’ll be in school full time next year, and the sooner you get a handle on what’s causing her needs the better. My guess is you’re not a perfect parent. I’m not. Nor are most of us. And behaviorally challenged kids can bring out the worst in us. (I’ve had some moments I’m not proud of.). But understanding your kids is the first step in helping them. And for me, learning why my kids were prone to meltdowns, couldn’t follow directions, etc., has certainly helped me have compassion for them—even during their most challenging moments l. Good luck. And hang in there. |
Your daughter senses that you do not like her. Sure, you love her because she’s your daughter.
My situation is not the same but I do have a clingy 4.5 year old whereas I myself have a more stoic personality and was not a cuddler as a child. My daughter asks for cuddles throughout the day and she knows when I don’t give her a genuine cuddle. And it will make her clingy and latch onto me as I’m trying to get things done. But I try to make time for genuine cuddles. When I wake her up in the morning I get into her bed and have a good cuddle. I’ll tell her she smells good or what fun thing we will do that day. I also try to give her a couple of good cuddles during the day. Cuddling while watching tv is the easiest. |
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She needs to be in FT preschool, especially after 4 y/o. It will be an easier adjustment to kindergarten. |
Call Claire Lerner first thing Monday. She will change your life, your relationship with child, and save your marriage. She is outstanding. She often works hand in hand with an OT that is gifted at helping change challenging behaviors in difficult children. Good luck and just call Claire- you’ll be alright. |
OP, I honestly thought I wrote this a few months ago and it popped back up. But I have another DD and a DS. My difficult DD was diagnosed with ADHD, very high IQ, and I think she has extreme anxiety but they said it’s too early for that diagnosis. It’s hard. Very few will understand. People always want to blame the mother and offer obvious suggestions that you’ve clearly tried before. I have no answers, just compassion. |
At 4 you can find a full time Pre School. You can be excited for her to met some new friends, learn some new things, and get ready for school like her big brother. How awesome is that! Treat the change as an exciting, normal part of her development.
The best part is that she might bring home a new interest or two that you can do with her. |
Just curious why you’re not able to bake and craft with her. Is it because she’s not able to focus on that? |
I think a lot of women like the idea of a SAHM lifestyle yet don't actually like kids as much as they think they do. OP hasn't listed one behavior of her daughter that sounds outside the range of normal, she's just not "easy" like the other two. I wonder where OP got the impression this was supposed to be easy? |
Your mom is BPD? Have you ever considered that you might have some emotional difficulties from that relationship that you are carrying into your parenting? You might have felt for example like your mom was a bottomless pit and invaded your boundaries. Children do have their own temperaments, but they also vibe off their caregivers. You need to be firm with your boundaries, differentiate her (probably much more appropriate developmental needs and challenges from your mother’s, and think about counseling to get to the bottom of this for you. I suspect your daughter is a gift to heal your relationship with your mom. If you can stay present, grounded, and authentic with her, you may see that the mother-daughter relationship isn’t always one of neediness, broken boundaries, and unrequited affection. |
Boys are generally slower to develop, emotionally, so their needs may feel less complex. Especially if OP has emotional challenges of her own. It may be that the daughter expresses needs she has a hard time acknowledging in herself. Typical “shadow” — other person seems horribly unbearable. |
. Two thoughts. Why don’t you have your daughter stay with your mother or MIL for a week? It would give you a break and it would give your daughter the experience of living in a loving home. And don’t think your daughter hasn’t picked up on the fact you love her brothers more than her. It’s probably making her more desperate for your attention which is pissing you off more and creating a vicious cycle. Sending your daughter away may help break that cycle. Someone upthread suggested family therapy but you reject that anything is wrong with you. |
Something is wrong with you OP. |