Working parents - feel like I spend no time with my kids

[Anonymous]

I can't believe all the people who are saying "they'll be 18 months soon" or "they'll be in preschool soon." Yea but... OP will have missed out on all that time! I get that you're saying don't give up your career for a few years of time with your kids but.... the trade off is.... time with your kids.... You can't get back those early years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You know, pretty much every woman I work with over the age of 60 took 10-15 years off or mostly after having children. It used to be pretty common to take a break in your career to focus on raising your family while your children are small.

If your husband is on board, I say quit your job and find something very small to keep your toe in the water.

Your experience is not universal.
There were many more barriers to women's employment in the past.
I'm guessing you work with mostly white women, as this is not the typical experience of women of color.

What field are you in? Is it a traditionally dominated role by women? I think returning to a competitive professional career after 15 years at home is a pretty unique feat. I’d suspect OP could quit for 10 years, and would return to a full time job maybe paying $60k.

I am a neurologist.
No. It isn’t dominated by women. It certainly wasn’t back then. And I am not sure if it’s unique. I certainly have quite a few patients who did something similar. It really wasn’t common back then for women to keep working full time after having children.
You have no idea what the OP does, whether or not she can return, or what her salary would be if/when she does. She must have a skill that is so highly compensated.

Medicine is pretty well known as family friendly, and has a huge barrier to entry

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/21/upshot/medicine-family-friendly-profession-women.html

Now if we opened immigration from India etc there may be a problem.

I agree physicians, nurses and teachers have a pretty good setup in terms of easing back into the workforce--however, I know both physicians and teachers who've had a rough time re-entering the work force due to letting their licenses/certifications expire.

OP, I'd stay at it for a year or so longer, and see how you feel at that point. It's weird in the short-term to not see your kid--sometimes my 6mo would be in bed even before I got home from work some evenings--but I think continuing to do work I like and that financially benefits our family is better for our family in the long-term. I went from making 50K when my child was first born to 90K to now 140K. Part is just dumb luck, but part of it is maintaining a solid work history so that I was poised to jump to new, higher-paying positions with more responsibility. I think it's great that my daughter sees that both mom and dad work and have fairly equal roles in the household, and research has shown that daughters of working moms are more likely to work themselves and have higher-paying positions. Also, with my income, we're able to afford private school, trips abroad, and are in a better place for college and retirement planning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a zero sum game.

You could look for a part time that pays less and is more flexible. Your kids would still get some financial benefits like vacations and possibly private school.

It’s nit just work at your current job or quit and take a 200K hit. There is a world of options in-between. Start exploring them.

This. So many SAHMs never even explored flexible arrangements. Start looking into finding a new job or flexibility from your current employer. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Really? Many of us tried and were told no. Or, we didn't have that kind of income where we could hire a nanny and make it work. You are pretty clueless. I had absolutely no flexibility.

How many jobs did you apply for?

NP. 1) So many people on this site say they have a flexible job, when what they really have is a job where they are in the office 9-5, have to work from home at night and on the weekends, and have a decent amount of sick/vacation time that they can take for various things. If you are happy with that, great. But that's not what most SAHM-types think of as flexible.

2) So is OP - who is already strapped for time - supposed to spend the next few months endlessly applying for jobs and going to interviews....? How does that help her not miss out on infancy?

This is false.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a zero sum game.

You could look for a part time that pays less and is more flexible. Your kids would still get some financial benefits like vacations and possibly private school.

It’s nit just work at your current job or quit and take a 200K hit. There is a world of options in-between. Start exploring them.

This. So many SAHMs never even explored flexible arrangements. Start looking into finding a new job or flexibility from your current employer. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Really? Many of us tried and were told no. Or, we didn't have that kind of income where we could hire a nanny and make it work. You are pretty clueless. I had absolutely no flexibility.

How many jobs did you apply for?

NP. 1) So many people on this site say they have a flexible job, when what they really have is a job where they are in the office 9-5, have to work from home at night and on the weekends, and have a decent amount of sick/vacation time that they can take for various things. If you are happy with that, great. But that's not what most SAHM-types think of as flexible.

2) So is OP - who is already strapped for time - supposed to spend the next few months endlessly applying for jobs and going to interviews....? How does that help her not miss out on infancy?

1) no one I know would call a 9-5 flexible. Not just a SAHM perspective. And working in evenings? That only makes sense if you leave early, like 2

3) well yeah. A few months of applying after kids are asleep to reap $100ks of income and still see her kids more. Yes she may miss infancy, but I suspect OP passed the marshmallow test.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a zero sum game.

You could look for a part time that pays less and is more flexible. Your kids would still get some financial benefits like vacations and possibly private school.

It’s nit just work at your current job or quit and take a 200K hit. There is a world of options in-between. Start exploring them.

This. So many SAHMs never even explored flexible arrangements. Start looking into finding a new job or flexibility from your current employer. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Really? Many of us tried and were told no. Or, we didn't have that kind of income where we could hire a nanny and make it work. You are pretty clueless. I had absolutely no flexibility.

How many jobs did you apply for?

NP. 1) So many people on this site say they have a flexible job, when what they really have is a job where they are in the office 9-5, have to work from home at night and on the weekends, and have a decent amount of sick/vacation time that they can take for various things. If you are happy with that, great. But that's not what most SAHM-types think of as flexible.

2) So is OP - who is already strapped for time - supposed to spend the next few months endlessly applying for jobs and going to interviews....? How does that help her not miss out on infancy?

This is false.

No it's not! I've seen it so many times. Someone goes on an on about their flexible job, and then they finally clarify that they are really like a doctor that has gone "part-time" (so, still 50 hours), or they are a lawyer who used to work til 8 pm in the office everynight, but now they leave at 5, do dinner bath and bedtime, then get back on the computer. Or they have one telework day a week, where they are working a full 8+ hrs but get to see their kids a little more in the morning and evening, and they call that flexible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a zero sum game.

You could look for a part time that pays less and is more flexible. Your kids would still get some financial benefits like vacations and possibly private school.

It’s nit just work at your current job or quit and take a 200K hit. There is a world of options in-between. Start exploring them.

This. So many SAHMs never even explored flexible arrangements. Start looking into finding a new job or flexibility from your current employer. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Really? Many of us tried and were told no. Or, we didn't have that kind of income where we could hire a nanny and make it work. You are pretty clueless. I had absolutely no flexibility.

How many jobs did you apply for?

NP. 1) So many people on this site say they have a flexible job, when what they really have is a job where they are in the office 9-5, have to work from home at night and on the weekends, and have a decent amount of sick/vacation time that they can take for various things. If you are happy with that, great. But that's not what most SAHM-types think of as flexible.

2) So is OP - who is already strapped for time - supposed to spend the next few months endlessly applying for jobs and going to interviews....? How does that help her not miss out on infancy?

This is false.

No it's not! I've seen it so many times. Someone goes on an on about their flexible job, and then they finally clarify that they are really like a doctor that has gone "part-time" (so, still 50 hours), or they are a lawyer who used to work til 8 pm in the office everynight, but now they leave at 5, do dinner bath and bedtime, then get back on the computer. Or they have one telework day a week, where they are working a full 8+ hrs but get to see their kids a little more in the morning and evening, and they call that flexible.

Whatever makes you feel better about not working.

I have a truly flexible job. 10 min commute. Complete flexibility - come and go whenever I please. Co-workers do the same and we schedule meetings etc around our schedules. I travel a few times a year, short trips, and never work on Fridays. Make about 100k.

I'm lucky, but far from alone. For example, my kid plays on a soccer team with practice starting at 4pm. We rotated which parent was there to help out - 75% of these moms work, and everyone was able to show up. SAHMs refuse to believe flexibility exists because their husbands convince them it's impossible or they never got senior enough to have it as an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You know, pretty much every woman I work with over the age of 60 took 10-15 years off or mostly after having children. It used to be pretty common to take a break in your career to focus on raising your family while your children are small.

If your husband is on board, I say quit your job and find something very small to keep your toe in the water.

Your experience is not universal.
There were many more barriers to women's employment in the past.
I'm guessing you work with mostly white women, as this is not the typical experience of women of color.

What field are you in? Is it a traditionally dominated role by women? I think returning to a competitive professional career after 15 years at home is a pretty unique feat. I’d suspect OP could quit for 10 years, and would return to a full time job maybe paying $60k.

I am a neurologist.
No. It isn’t dominated by women. It certainly wasn’t back then. And I am not sure if it’s unique. I certainly have quite a few patients who did something similar. It really wasn’t common back then for women to keep working full time after having children.
You have no idea what the OP does, whether or not she can return, or what her salary would be if/when she does. She must have a skill that is so highly compensated.

Medicine is pretty well known as family friendly, and has a huge barrier to entry

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/21/upshot/medicine-family-friendly-profession-women.html

Now if we opened immigration from India etc there may be a problem.

Everything in that article could be said about the posters earlier in this thread who found part time or more flexible jobs in their field. Medicine is not unique in that respect.
And yes, medicine has a high barrier to entry, but so do many things. My brother is an attorney, and my sister has an MBA from an Ivy League school. They both put in years of working 60-70 hour weeks right after graduation, and my sister did a ton of travel. (They were paid a lot better than I was, but that’s beside the point).
I don’t believe that they are in the same position as someone who hasn’t done that.

I am a working mom, and I get it that when you have little kids, you can’t work round the clock the same way that someone who doesn’t have children at home can. However, once your kids are old enough that you aren’t focused on them anymore and your time is available again, aren’t you much more valuable than someone brand new with no experience?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a zero sum game.

You could look for a part time that pays less and is more flexible. Your kids would still get some financial benefits like vacations and possibly private school.

It’s nit just work at your current job or quit and take a 200K hit. There is a world of options in-between. Start exploring them.

This. So many SAHMs never even explored flexible arrangements. Start looking into finding a new job or flexibility from your current employer. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Really? Many of us tried and were told no. Or, we didn't have that kind of income where we could hire a nanny and make it work. You are pretty clueless. I had absolutely no flexibility.

How many jobs did you apply for?

NP. 1) So many people on this site say they have a flexible job, when what they really have is a job where they are in the office 9-5, have to work from home at night and on the weekends, and have a decent amount of sick/vacation time that they can take for various things. If you are happy with that, great. But that's not what most SAHM-types think of as flexible.

2) So is OP - who is already strapped for time - supposed to spend the next few months endlessly applying for jobs and going to interviews....? How does that help her not miss out on infancy?

Totally agree with this. By many standards the career I left WAS pretty flexible (home before 5, lots of vacation days, etc) but when you have a baby that goes to bed at 6:30, it quickly feels like not enough time. I'm at home now and plan to return to work in some capacity in a couple years, but I'll want to work no more than 9-3 with lots of flexibility and vacation/sick/summer days off. I'll probably end up freelancing for pennies, but thankfully, we don't need the money. I can't stand when people like PP call that "giving up" - it's called being realistic about how many hours there are in a day.

OP, everyone makes choices and trade-offs in life, and they basically always suck. You can't both have your current career and spend much time with your kids. It's okay to choose the career, knowing you'll spend a bit more time with the kids as they get older. It's also okay to sacrifice a little money in exchange for that precious time (and know that most women can in fact go back to work after several years, even if it naturally does affect their career trajectory). Doing something in between is what we all say we want but realistically is not always obtainable or worth it, depending on your field and your personality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a zero sum game.

You could look for a part time that pays less and is more flexible. Your kids would still get some financial benefits like vacations and possibly private school.

It’s nit just work at your current job or quit and take a 200K hit. There is a world of options in-between. Start exploring them.

This. So many SAHMs never even explored flexible arrangements. Start looking into finding a new job or flexibility from your current employer. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Really? Many of us tried and were told no. Or, we didn't have that kind of income where we could hire a nanny and make it work. You are pretty clueless. I had absolutely no flexibility.

How many jobs did you apply for?

NP. 1) So many people on this site say they have a flexible job, when what they really have is a job where they are in the office 9-5, have to work from home at night and on the weekends, and have a decent amount of sick/vacation time that they can take for various things. If you are happy with that, great. But that's not what most SAHM-types think of as flexible.

2) So is OP - who is already strapped for time - supposed to spend the next few months endlessly applying for jobs and going to interviews....? How does that help her not miss out on infancy?

This is false.

No it's not! I've seen it so many times. Someone goes on an on about their flexible job, and then they finally clarify that they are really like a doctor that has gone "part-time" (so, still 50 hours), or they are a lawyer who used to work til 8 pm in the office everynight, but now they leave at 5, do dinner bath and bedtime, then get back on the computer. Or they have one telework day a week, where they are working a full 8+ hrs but get to see their kids a little more in the morning and evening, and they call that flexible.

Whatever makes you feel better about not working.

I have a truly flexible job. 10 min commute. Complete flexibility - come and go whenever I please. Co-workers do the same and we schedule meetings etc around our schedules. I travel a few times a year, short trips, and never work on Fridays. Make about 100k.

I'm lucky, but far from alone. For example, my kid plays on a soccer team with practice starting at 4pm. We rotated which parent was there to help out - 75% of these moms work, and everyone was able to show up. SAHMs refuse to believe flexibility exists because their husbands convince them it's impossible or they never got senior enough to have it as an option.

1) Yes, you are lucky. 2) Yes, it is great that you made it to a senior role. Are you suggesting no one have kids til they get to a senior role at a company with flexibility? You do realize many/most women don't even have the opportunity to reach those senior roles, right? Or many of them do, and then they are old and have to struggle with infertility. 3) I am betting a lot of those moms at 4 pm soccer flexed their time 7 to 4 that day, or used vacation/sick time, or are going to work on their computers later that night....

[Anonymous]

OP, is there any chance that you could have some flexibility a couple of years from now? There could be a benefit to sticking it out if it means you will have more seniority or flexibility when your kids are older. A flexible schedule is needed so much more when the kids are older! I had no problem being at the office daily when my kids were babies - aside from missing them and wishing I had more time with them during the week. But it was relatively easy to manage my schedule because they didn't have anything else going on. Now that they are both in school, I NEED the flexibility to leave early, or take a day off, or work from home if I have to. It sounds counterintuitive, but it's true. And as kids get older, they know when you are not around, and when you miss events, so I do everything in my power to be present as much as I can. It's easier for me to do all of that because I am in a much more senior position than I was 7 years ago. I'm glad I stuck it out even though it was hard.

I also make it a point to be home in time to put them to bed as much as I can (even if it means leaving earlier than I'd like to and logging back in once they're in bed). It's easier now that their bedtimes are 7:30pm. And I spend as much time as possible with my kids on the weekends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a zero sum game.

You could look for a part time that pays less and is more flexible. Your kids would still get some financial benefits like vacations and possibly private school.

It’s nit just work at your current job or quit and take a 200K hit. There is a world of options in-between. Start exploring them.

This. So many SAHMs never even explored flexible arrangements. Start looking into finding a new job or flexibility from your current employer. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Really? Many of us tried and were told no. Or, we didn't have that kind of income where we could hire a nanny and make it work. You are pretty clueless. I had absolutely no flexibility.

How many jobs did you apply for?

NP. 1) So many people on this site say they have a flexible job, when what they really have is a job where they are in the office 9-5, have to work from home at night and on the weekends, and have a decent amount of sick/vacation time that they can take for various things. If you are happy with that, great. But that's not what most SAHM-types think of as flexible.

2) So is OP - who is already strapped for time - supposed to spend the next few months endlessly applying for jobs and going to interviews....? How does that help her not miss out on infancy?

This is false.

No it's not! I've seen it so many times. Someone goes on an on about their flexible job, and then they finally clarify that they are really like a doctor that has gone "part-time" (so, still 50 hours), or they are a lawyer who used to work til 8 pm in the office everynight, but now they leave at 5, do dinner bath and bedtime, then get back on the computer. Or they have one telework day a week, where they are working a full 8+ hrs but get to see their kids a little more in the morning and evening, and they call that flexible.

Whatever makes you feel better about not working.

I have a truly flexible job. 10 min commute. Complete flexibility - come and go whenever I please. Co-workers do the same and we schedule meetings etc around our schedules. I travel a few times a year, short trips, and never work on Fridays. Make about 100k.

I'm lucky, but far from alone. For example, my kid plays on a soccer team with practice starting at 4pm. We rotated which parent was there to help out - 75% of these moms work, and everyone was able to show up. SAHMs refuse to believe flexibility exists because their husbands convince them it's impossible or they never got senior enough to have it as an option.

1) Yes, you are lucky. 2) Yes, it is great that you made it to a senior role. Are you suggesting no one have kids til they get to a senior role at a company with flexibility? You do realize many/most women don't even have the opportunity to reach those senior roles, right? Or many of them do, and then they are old and have to struggle with infertility. 3) I am betting a lot of those moms at 4 pm soccer flexed their time 7 to 4 that day, or used vacation/sick time, or are going to work on their computers later that night....

And if women keep quitting, they never will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a zero sum game.

You could look for a part time that pays less and is more flexible. Your kids would still get some financial benefits like vacations and possibly private school.

It’s nit just work at your current job or quit and take a 200K hit. There is a world of options in-between. Start exploring them.

This. So many SAHMs never even explored flexible arrangements. Start looking into finding a new job or flexibility from your current employer. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Really? Many of us tried and were told no. Or, we didn't have that kind of income where we could hire a nanny and make it work. You are pretty clueless. I had absolutely no flexibility.

How many jobs did you apply for?

NP. 1) So many people on this site say they have a flexible job, when what they really have is a job where they are in the office 9-5, have to work from home at night and on the weekends, and have a decent amount of sick/vacation time that they can take for various things. If you are happy with that, great. But that's not what most SAHM-types think of as flexible.

2) So is OP - who is already strapped for time - supposed to spend the next few months endlessly applying for jobs and going to interviews....? How does that help her not miss out on infancy?

This is false.

No it's not! I've seen it so many times. Someone goes on an on about their flexible job, and then they finally clarify that they are really like a doctor that has gone "part-time" (so, still 50 hours), or they are a lawyer who used to work til 8 pm in the office everynight, but now they leave at 5, do dinner bath and bedtime, then get back on the computer. Or they have one telework day a week, where they are working a full 8+ hrs but get to see their kids a little more in the morning and evening, and they call that flexible.

Whatever makes you feel better about not working.

I have a truly flexible job. 10 min commute. Complete flexibility - come and go whenever I please. Co-workers do the same and we schedule meetings etc around our schedules. I travel a few times a year, short trips, and never work on Fridays. Make about 100k.

I'm lucky, but far from alone. For example, my kid plays on a soccer team with practice starting at 4pm. We rotated which parent was there to help out - 75% of these moms work, and everyone was able to show up. SAHMs refuse to believe flexibility exists because their husbands convince them it's impossible or they never got senior enough to have it as an option.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You know, pretty much every woman I work with over the age of 60 took 10-15 years off or mostly after having children. It used to be pretty common to take a break in your career to focus on raising your family while your children are small.

If your husband is on board, I say quit your job and find something very small to keep your toe in the water.

Your experience is not universal.
There were many more barriers to women's employment in the past.
I'm guessing you work with mostly white women, as this is not the typical experience of women of color.

What field are you in? Is it a traditionally dominated role by women? I think returning to a competitive professional career after 15 years at home is a pretty unique feat. I’d suspect OP could quit for 10 years, and would return to a full time job maybe paying $60k.

I am a neurologist.
No. It isn’t dominated by women. It certainly wasn’t back then. And I am not sure if it’s unique. I certainly have quite a few patients who did something similar. It really wasn’t common back then for women to keep working full time after having children.
You have no idea what the OP does, whether or not she can return, or what her salary would be if/when she does. She must have a skill that is so highly compensated.

Medicine is pretty well known as family friendly, and has a huge barrier to entry

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/21/upshot/medicine-family-friendly-profession-women.html

Now if we opened immigration from India etc there may be a problem.

I agree physicians, nurses and teachers have a pretty good setup in terms of easing back into the workforce--however, I know both physicians and teachers who've had a rough time re-entering the work force due to letting their licenses/certifications expire.

OP, I'd stay at it for a year or so longer, and see how you feel at that point. It's weird in the short-term to not see your kid--sometimes my 6mo would be in bed even before I got home from work some evenings--but I think continuing to do work I like and that financially benefits our family is better for our family in the long-term. I went from making 50K when my child was first born to 90K to now 140K. Part is just dumb luck, but part of it is maintaining a solid work history so that I was poised to jump to new, higher-paying positions with more responsibility. I think it's great that my daughter sees that both mom and dad work and have fairly equal roles in the household, and research has shown that daughters of working moms are more likely to work themselves and have higher-paying positions. Also, with my income, we're able to afford private school, trips abroad, and are in a better place for college and retirement planning.

I just want to point out that research only applies to single parent families. Kids are better off having that parent work than being on welfare.
The opposite is true in MC and UMC families. Kids are more likely to have behavior problems and less likely to do well in school, particularly if mom works during that first year of life.
I mean, do what you need to do, but that research gets misquoted on here all of the time, and it drives me crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a zero sum game.

You could look for a part time that pays less and is more flexible. Your kids would still get some financial benefits like vacations and possibly private school.

It’s nit just work at your current job or quit and take a 200K hit. There is a world of options in-between. Start exploring them.

This. So many SAHMs never even explored flexible arrangements. Start looking into finding a new job or flexibility from your current employer. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Really? Many of us tried and were told no. Or, we didn't have that kind of income where we could hire a nanny and make it work. You are pretty clueless. I had absolutely no flexibility.

How many jobs did you apply for?

NP. 1) So many people on this site say they have a flexible job, when what they really have is a job where they are in the office 9-5, have to work from home at night and on the weekends, and have a decent amount of sick/vacation time that they can take for various things. If you are happy with that, great. But that's not what most SAHM-types think of as flexible.

2) So is OP - who is already strapped for time - supposed to spend the next few months endlessly applying for jobs and going to interviews....? How does that help her not miss out on infancy?

This is false.

No it's not! I've seen it so many times. Someone goes on an on about their flexible job, and then they finally clarify that they are really like a doctor that has gone "part-time" (so, still 50 hours), or they are a lawyer who used to work til 8 pm in the office everynight, but now they leave at 5, do dinner bath and bedtime, then get back on the computer. Or they have one telework day a week, where they are working a full 8+ hrs but get to see their kids a little more in the morning and evening, and they call that flexible.

Whatever makes you feel better about not working.

I have a truly flexible job. 10 min commute. Complete flexibility - come and go whenever I please. Co-workers do the same and we schedule meetings etc around our schedules. I travel a few times a year, short trips, and never work on Fridays. Make about 100k.

I'm lucky, but far from alone. For example, my kid plays on a soccer team with practice starting at 4pm. We rotated which parent was there to help out - 75% of these moms work, and everyone was able to show up. SAHMs refuse to believe flexibility exists because their husbands convince them it's impossible or they never got senior enough to have it as an option.

1) Yes, you are lucky. 2) Yes, it is great that you made it to a senior role. Are you suggesting no one have kids til they get to a senior role at a company with flexibility? You do realize many/most women don't even have the opportunity to reach those senior roles, right? Or many of them do, and then they are old and have to struggle with infertility. 3) I am betting a lot of those moms at 4 pm soccer flexed their time 7 to 4 that day, or used vacation/sick time, or are going to work on their computers later that night....

And if women keep quitting, they never will.

Hi, Sheryl Sandberg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a more flexible job. Possibly telework. Try to go part time.

It’s just not possible at my current company. I have looked into it and the jobs that are part time and/or super flexible pay like half of what I make... which pretty much just covers childcare after taxes.

I work half time and make half what I'd make full time (exactly, because they pro-rate my full-time salary based on hours). My full-time salary is a little less than yours and I have more kids, but I still can cover a nanny paid slightly more than market rate plus the savings we want out of my job. No more than that, but it was the savings that mattered to us anyway. At my half-time salary we an't afford private school plus the college and retirement savings that we'd like to have. That's why the plan has always been to pick up the hours once all the kids hit school age anyway. It's not necessarily ideal and I gripe a lot about our local public elementary, but my kids still are getting educated. I'm also employed it such a way that I can pick up my hours should I want or need to.