Working parents - feel like I spend no time with my kids

[Anonymous]

I get how OP must feel. My youngest just started K today, and I'm in a bit of a daze how quickly it went by. My suggestion is to try and find another job that offers more flexibility. I am in my current job b/c it affords me quite a bit of that. I can take off most of the time for school events, early release, field trips, class parties, etc. I work from 6:30 to 3:30 on the days I go into the office. The other days I telework so I can pick the kids up a little after 4 pm if I need to. I still make a great salary (more than what OP said she makes), but no where near what I would make if I accepted the position that my former boss offered me. That said, I've been working a lot this summer but my office doesn't care if I do it late a night from the office, home or on the weekends. As long as I meet the deadlines. So this is what I've done so I can do pick ups/drop offs, etc. and just see my kids during the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You know, pretty much every woman I work with over the age of 60 took 10-15 years off or mostly after having children. It used to be pretty common to take a break in your career to focus on raising your family while your children are small.

If your husband is on board, I say quit your job and find something very small to keep your toe in the water.

Your experience is not universal.
There were many more barriers to women's employment in the past.
I'm guessing you work with mostly white women, as this is not the typical experience of women of color.

What field are you in? Is it a traditionally dominated role by women? I think returning to a competitive professional career after 15 years at home is a pretty unique feat. I’d suspect OP could quit for 10 years, and would return to a full time job maybe paying $60k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I get how OP must feel. My youngest just started K today, and I'm in a bit of a daze how quickly it went by. My suggestion is to try and find another job that offers more flexibility. I am in my current job b/c it affords me quite a bit of that. I can take off most of the time for school events, early release, field trips, class parties, etc. I work from 6:30 to 3:30 on the days I go into the office. The other days I telework so I can pick the kids up a little after 4 pm if I need to. I still make a great salary (more than what OP said she makes), but no where near what I would make if I accepted the position that my former boss offered me. That said, I've been working a lot this summer but my office doesn't care if I do it late a night from the office, home or on the weekends. As long as I meet the deadlines. So this is what I've done so I can do pick ups/drop offs, etc. and just see my kids during the day.

What do you do, that sounds amazing!

[Anonymous]

People give terrible advice here. I'll bet no one of the people who is telling you to walk away from your job makes what you make. It's not easy to get a 200k job, and you don't just walk away from it.

See if you can transition to a better job - but for the same pay. See if you can get more flexibility at your current job. See if you can outsource things so that the time you have with your family is not about doing chores and cooking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a zero sum game.

You could look for a part time that pays less and is more flexible. Your kids would still get some financial benefits like vacations and possibly private school.

It’s nit just work at your current job or quit and take a 200K hit. There is a world of options in-between. Start exploring them.

This. So many SAHMs never even explored flexible arrangements. Start looking into finding a new job or flexibility from your current employer. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Really? Many of us tried and were told no. Or, we didn't have that kind of income where we could hire a nanny and make it work. You are pretty clueless. I had absolutely no flexibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a zero sum game.

You could look for a part time that pays less and is more flexible. Your kids would still get some financial benefits like vacations and possibly private school.

It’s nit just work at your current job or quit and take a 200K hit. There is a world of options in-between. Start exploring them.

This. So many SAHMs never even explored flexible arrangements. Start looking into finding a new job or flexibility from your current employer. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Really? Many of us tried and were told no. Or, we didn't have that kind of income where we could hire a nanny and make it work. You are pretty clueless. I had absolutely no flexibility.

How many jobs did you apply for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You know, pretty much every woman I work with over the age of 60 took 10-15 years off or mostly after having children. It used to be pretty common to take a break in your career to focus on raising your family while your children are small.

If your husband is on board, I say quit your job and find something very small to keep your toe in the water.

Your experience is not universal.
There were many more barriers to women's employment in the past.
I'm guessing you work with mostly white women, as this is not the typical experience of women of color.

I work mostly with white, highly educated women who are married to equally high earning men. I don’t know if this was typical. But it is relevant to women like the OP now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a zero sum game.

You could look for a part time that pays less and is more flexible. Your kids would still get some financial benefits like vacations and possibly private school.

It’s nit just work at your current job or quit and take a 200K hit. There is a world of options in-between. Start exploring them.

This. So many SAHMs never even explored flexible arrangements. Start looking into finding a new job or flexibility from your current employer. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Really? Many of us tried and were told no. Or, we didn't have that kind of income where we could hire a nanny and make it work. You are pretty clueless. I had absolutely no flexibility.

You were told no ONE TIME so you decided to give up your entire career?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a zero sum game.

You could look for a part time that pays less and is more flexible. Your kids would still get some financial benefits like vacations and possibly private school.

It’s nit just work at your current job or quit and take a 200K hit. There is a world of options in-between. Start exploring them.

This. So many SAHMs never even explored flexible arrangements. Start looking into finding a new job or flexibility from your current employer. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Really? Many of us tried and were told no. Or, we didn't have that kind of income where we could hire a nanny and make it work. You are pretty clueless. I had absolutely no flexibility.

What industry, did you try transition to different role or company?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You know, pretty much every woman I work with over the age of 60 took 10-15 years off or mostly after having children. It used to be pretty common to take a break in your career to focus on raising your family while your children are small.

If your husband is on board, I say quit your job and find something very small to keep your toe in the water.

Your experience is not universal.
There were many more barriers to women's employment in the past.
I'm guessing you work with mostly white women, as this is not the typical experience of women of color.

I work mostly with white, highly educated women who are married to equally high earning men. I don’t know if this was typical. But it is relevant to women like the OP now.

What field, I would like dd to have this option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You know, pretty much every woman I work with over the age of 60 took 10-15 years off or mostly after having children. It used to be pretty common to take a break in your career to focus on raising your family while your children are small.

If your husband is on board, I say quit your job and find something very small to keep your toe in the water.

Your experience is not universal.
There were many more barriers to women's employment in the past.
I'm guessing you work with mostly white women, as this is not the typical experience of women of color.

What field are you in? Is it a traditionally dominated role by women? I think returning to a competitive professional career after 15 years at home is a pretty unique feat. I’d suspect OP could quit for 10 years, and would return to a full time job maybe paying $60k.

I am a neurologist.
No. It isn’t dominated by women. It certainly wasn’t back then. And I am not sure if it’s unique. I certainly have quite a few patients who did something similar. It really wasn’t common back then for women to keep working full time after having children.
You have no idea what the OP does, whether or not she can return, or what her salary would be if/when she does. She must have a skill that is so highly compensated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You know, pretty much every woman I work with over the age of 60 took 10-15 years off or mostly after having children. It used to be pretty common to take a break in your career to focus on raising your family while your children are small.

If your husband is on board, I say quit your job and find something very small to keep your toe in the water.

Your experience is not universal.
There were many more barriers to women's employment in the past.
I'm guessing you work with mostly white women, as this is not the typical experience of women of color.

I work mostly with white, highly educated women who are married to equally high earning men. I don’t know if this was typical. But it is relevant to women like the OP now.

What field, I would like dd to have this option.

I’m a neurologist, but I know a few teachers and nurses who did something similar.
I also know a few women who went to college, had children, and returned to graduate school in their late thirties/early forties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You know, pretty much every woman I work with over the age of 60 took 10-15 years off or mostly after having children. It used to be pretty common to take a break in your career to focus on raising your family while your children are small.

If your husband is on board, I say quit your job and find something very small to keep your toe in the water.

Your experience is not universal.
There were many more barriers to women's employment in the past.
I'm guessing you work with mostly white women, as this is not the typical experience of women of color.

I work mostly with white, highly educated women who are married to equally high earning men. I don’t know if this was typical. But it is relevant to women like the OP now.

What field, I would like dd to have this option.

I’m a neurologist, but I know a few teachers and nurses who did something similar.
I also know a few women who went to college, had children, and returned to graduate school in their late thirties/early forties.

Yeah I figured medicine. And teachers and nurses are EXACTLY what I was referring too

And yes you can pay for graduate school and restart a career, but it’s a bit of a gamble even then.

But returning to corporate America after being Mom, CEO — much longer shot.

That’s why I asked Op her industry. I don’t support it; I wish men and women could have breaks in their careers, but when there are hoardes if young graduates freshly trained and willing to work long hours, thems the breaks. Millennial moms may be in luck; they are having so few kids and boomers retiring, there should be a wide labor shortage. Just depends on how fast we get robots/air in place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You know, pretty much every woman I work with over the age of 60 took 10-15 years off or mostly after having children. It used to be pretty common to take a break in your career to focus on raising your family while your children are small.

If your husband is on board, I say quit your job and find something very small to keep your toe in the water.

Your experience is not universal.
There were many more barriers to women's employment in the past.
I'm guessing you work with mostly white women, as this is not the typical experience of women of color.

What field are you in? Is it a traditionally dominated role by women? I think returning to a competitive professional career after 15 years at home is a pretty unique feat. I’d suspect OP could quit for 10 years, and would return to a full time job maybe paying $60k.

I am a neurologist.
No. It isn’t dominated by women. It certainly wasn’t back then. And I am not sure if it’s unique. I certainly have quite a few patients who did something similar. It really wasn’t common back then for women to keep working full time after having children.
You have no idea what the OP does, whether or not she can return, or what her salary would be if/when she does. She must have a skill that is so highly compensated.

Medicine is pretty well known as family friendly, and has a huge barrier to entry

https://www.nytimes.com/2019/08/21/upshot/medicine-family-friendly-profession-women.html

Now if we opened immigration from India etc there may be a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not a zero sum game.

You could look for a part time that pays less and is more flexible. Your kids would still get some financial benefits like vacations and possibly private school.

It’s nit just work at your current job or quit and take a 200K hit. There is a world of options in-between. Start exploring them.

This. So many SAHMs never even explored flexible arrangements. Start looking into finding a new job or flexibility from your current employer. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

Really? Many of us tried and were told no. Or, we didn't have that kind of income where we could hire a nanny and make it work. You are pretty clueless. I had absolutely no flexibility.

How many jobs did you apply for?

NP. 1) So many people on this site say they have a flexible job, when what they really have is a job where they are in the office 9-5, have to work from home at night and on the weekends, and have a decent amount of sick/vacation time that they can take for various things. If you are happy with that, great. But that's not what most SAHM-types think of as flexible.

2) So is OP - who is already strapped for time - supposed to spend the next few months endlessly applying for jobs and going to interviews....? How does that help her not miss out on infancy?