Argh - I don’t like DSD’s boyfriend always hanging around

[Anonymous]

I love how everyone (probably female) is assuming that this 19yo is having sex with a guy she's dated for 2.5 weeks all while her parent is in the house.

she's hanging out with a "nice boy"

Maybe she is, but wow- do none of you have tweens/teens? Don't you realize you treasure any time they want to spend around you at all as they get older? No where in OPs post does it say she is being loud, having sex, or otherwise obnoxious. Just that the boy is there late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Eh- it’s the stepdaughters house too and if dad doesn’t care then don’t be the bad guy- frankly it’s only a few weeks and it’s not worth it

No , no it is not. Is her name on a mortgage or deed? She is a child. I am not a step parent just a parent. So I have no guilt in saying this is BS. She is manipulating this situation. She wants to be with him so badly get out and get married. Oh that 's right she wants guaranteed shelter and food and tuition etc... Why are so many of you letting this child behave like this? You don't get adult rights until you are out and adulting.
My husband was kicked out of his parents house at 35 . Why ? He thought a midnight curfew for a 35 year old was absurd. But those were the rules in their house.

(FTR he moved out . Bought a house. Parents loved it. Bought his house and he moved into an apartment.LOLZ).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh- it’s the stepdaughters house too and if dad doesn’t care then don’t be the bad guy- frankly it’s only a few weeks and it’s not worth it

No , no it is not. Is her name on a mortgage or deed? She is a child. I am not a step parent just a parent. So I have no guilt in saying this is BS. She is manipulating this situation. She wants to be with him so badly get out and get married. Oh that 's right she wants guaranteed shelter and food and tuition etc... Why are so many of you letting this child behave like this? You don't get adult rights until you are out and adulting.
My husband was kicked out of his parents house at 35 . Why ? He thought a midnight curfew for a 35 year old was absurd. But those were the rules in their house.

(FTR he moved out . Bought a house. Parents loved it. Bought his house and he moved into an apartment.LOLZ).

It is not worth fighting with her DH about it, though. If it will cause a marriage problem if the girl leaves or gets upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wonder if she would like you to leave. I find it very annoying to have my dad's wife always hanging around. It is just too intimate. But he loves her, so I try to endure it. Remember that this is a person she loves very much, and that your place in her life is also based on a romantic relationship and probably felt like a huge imposition and weird and gross at first, and maybe even still does.

You're comparing a wife with someone known for 2.5 weeks.

Are you 15?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh- it’s the stepdaughters house too and if dad doesn’t care then don’t be the bad guy- frankly it’s only a few weeks and it’s not worth it

No , no it is not. Is her name on a mortgage or deed? She is a child. I am not a step parent just a parent. So I have no guilt in saying this is BS. She is manipulating this situation. She wants to be with him so badly get out and get married. Oh that 's right she wants guaranteed shelter and food and tuition etc... Why are so many of you letting this child behave like this? You don't get adult rights until you are out and adulting.
My husband was kicked out of his parents house at 35 . Why ? He thought a midnight curfew for a 35 year old was absurd. But those were the rules in their house.

(FTR he moved out . Bought a house. Parents loved it. Bought his house and he moved into an apartment.LOLZ).

Wtf? You married someone who lived with their parents til they were 35 and you’re judging everyone else? Okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh- it’s the stepdaughters house too and if dad doesn’t care then don’t be the bad guy- frankly it’s only a few weeks and it’s not worth it

No , no it is not. Is her name on a mortgage or deed? She is a child. I am not a step parent just a parent. So I have no guilt in saying this is BS. She is manipulating this situation. She wants to be with him so badly get out and get married. Oh that 's right she wants guaranteed shelter and food and tuition etc... Why are so many of you letting this child behave like this? You don't get adult rights until you are out and adulting.
My husband was kicked out of his parents house at 35 . Why ? He thought a midnight curfew for a 35 year old was absurd. But those were the rules in their house.

(FTR he moved out . Bought a house. Parents loved it. Bought his house and he moved into an apartment.LOLZ).

Wtf? You married someone who lived with their parents til they were 35 and you’re judging everyone else? Okay.

You’re right. I’ve only been married once what do I know. By all means let the child control this second or third marriage. It doesn’t really matter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eh- it’s the stepdaughters house too and if dad doesn’t care then don’t be the bad guy- frankly it’s only a few weeks and it’s not worth it

No , no it is not. Is her name on a mortgage or deed? She is a child. I am not a step parent just a parent. So I have no guilt in saying this is BS. She is manipulating this situation. She wants to be with him so badly get out and get married. Oh that 's right she wants guaranteed shelter and food and tuition etc... Why are so many of you letting this child behave like this? You don't get adult rights until you are out and adulting.
My husband was kicked out of his parents house at 35 . Why ? He thought a midnight curfew for a 35 year old was absurd. But those were the rules in their house.

(FTR he moved out . Bought a house. Parents loved it. Bought his house and he moved into an apartment.LOLZ).

It is not worth fighting with her DH about it, though. If it will cause a marriage problem if the girl leaves or gets upset.

But it’s not just 2.5 weeks. Being so lax and making the girl feel like this is her house and she gets to set the rules will encourage the girl to stay there summer after summer with the same attitude and also she will be more likely to boomerang. If she wants her boyfriend to be able to come and go whenever she wants, she needs to get her own place as she gets older. Hell, forget the step parent dynamic - even most same age roommates don’t want a boyfriend there twenty four seven without him paying rent.

[Anonymous]

My college age DD also got a new BF this summer. My rules are he needs to be gone by 10:30 PM on a "work" night, no being in bedroom with door closed and no lounging on the bed. Stay in den or living room.

There are younger teens who are not as responsible as DD in our house and I do not want them thinking that having a BF means that you get to bring him home to lounge in the bed with you.

Is she ticked? Absolutely. But my response is that if you want to behave like an "adult", i.e., have your BF over for as long as you want to do whatever you want, then you can do that when you are paying all your own bills and living in your own place. Adult is not an age, it is a state of being.

That was my parents' position regarding their house. And it inspired me to get through school, get a good job, buy my own place before age 30 and then I could (and did) have as many BF sleepovers as I liked.
And make sure she is on birth control.

[Anonymous]

Ugh! Op again.

After the 1 am cutoff, everything was going pretty well. Now she just texted me and asked if we could make it 1:45 since the bf will start college this week and “have less time to hang out”. I feel like a complete pushover, but it’s not even one week so I should just let it go right? Can I just text her back and say “if it’s ok with your dad it’s fine with me”? (Her dad will be fine with it).

[Anonymous]

Just say no. She will continually push the boundary unless you draw a hard stop. That is what teens/young adults do.

[Anonymous]

...and I’m back. I just found out that she’s going to be here for Christmas break- yay! And she’s going to keep dating him. Sigh. So now 5 more weeks of this at Christmas? Also, he’s here allll the time. Today they walked in at 10 pm. I was feeling really sick and was watching tv in my nightgown and my 4 yo was wandering around in underwear (was too sick to deal with bedtime). I had to rush into my room and quickly usher the little one off to bed. It was so annoying. The guy is nice. I’d be happy to have him around in the day. Do you think for winter break we can tell DSD 10 pm? We could say we were permissive over the summer by we thought it was just a week or two, but the house rule is ten pm? I HATE this- I just hate having a person in our house at night

[Anonymous]

where was your DH tonight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My college age DD also got a new BF this summer. My rules are he needs to be gone by 10:30 PM on a "work" night, no being in bedroom with door closed and no lounging on the bed. Stay in den or living room.

There are younger teens who are not as responsible as DD in our house and I do not want them thinking that having a BF means that you get to bring him home to lounge in the bed with you.

Is she ticked? Absolutely. But my response is that if you want to behave like an "adult", i.e., have your BF over for as long as you want to do whatever you want, then you can do that when you are paying all your own bills and living in your own place. Adult is not an age, it is a state of being.

That was my parents' position regarding their house. And it inspired me to get through school, get a good job, buy my own place before age 30 and then I could (and did) have as many BF sleepovers as I liked.
And make sure she is on birth control.

This. She is not entitled to live in your home with no rules. If she doesn’t want to live with rules, she should work hard and support herself and get her own place

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...and I’m back. I just found out that she’s going to be here for Christmas break- yay! And she’s going to keep dating him. Sigh. So now 5 more weeks of this at Christmas? Also, he’s here allll the time. Today they walked in at 10 pm. I was feeling really sick and was watching tv in my nightgown and my 4 yo was wandering around in underwear (was too sick to deal with bedtime). I had to rush into my room and quickly usher the little one off to bed. It was so annoying. The guy is nice. I’d be happy to have him around in the day. Do you think for winter break we can tell DSD 10 pm? We could say we were permissive over the summer by we thought it was just a week or two, but the house rule is ten pm? I HATE this- I just hate having a person in our house at night

How about ten pm on weeknights and midnight on weekends?

This kid is being rude. His parents should tell him to stop doing this. I dated people who lived with their parents in college and twenties. I would never have assumed I could make myself at home in their parents’ house.

[Anonymous]

You are going to wind up living with a boomeranger and her boyfriend post college of you and your dh don’t draw some lines. He should be backing you up. Say no to the 145 request. If he is starting college he should not be staying up till 145 with his girlfriend anyway!