Argh - I don’t like DSD’s boyfriend always hanging around

[Anonymous]

DH, though fully clothed, didn’t want to hang out and quickly called it a night and went to bed.

The complicating factor for me is the step parent dynamic. Her mother can just say “no boys past 10pm” and that is that. I appreciate the folks telling me to set boundaries or she’ll boomerang but
1) DH is obviously having problems being the bad guy (which is odd since typically he has no issue) and
2). I’m NOT her parent. At any given moment she could just decide she doesn’t like me and that’s that. She can just decide not to deal with me. As a result I feel like I need to tiptoe around her or she won’t come and stay with us/visit us/spend holidays with us and I desperately don’t want to be the reason for that. As she grows up and her free time gets more limited, I want her to choose us and come home to us still sometimes.

But then...she’s already talking about applying for another internship in DC next summer, and I feel like we cannot just carry on like this.

[Anonymous]

... and it’s 2:45 am and he’s still here! I want to get some cough drops from the kitchen and I’m like- dammit I hope I don’t run into him!

[Anonymous]

I would sit down and tell her, with DH next to me, that I do not feel comfortable with a man in your house at night who you are not personally very comfortable with and you didn’t invite to be there, and that he’s very welcome during the day or for special functions (after discussion) but that there will be absolutely no more evenings after 8pm with guests in the house. Effective immediately.

And that you also noticed that she broke your trust by breaking your previous agreement and it was already a huge compromise that you were not comfortable with and you’re very disappointed in her. And I would also get security camera near the front door that records movement with time stamps.

No freaking way would I be nervous walking around my own home at night. Or needing to be concerned about putting on robes and pants when I want to relax and unwind. Ridiculous.

You have every right to privacy in your own home.

And I’d also talk to DH about growing a spine. Ideally this would all come from him.

[Anonymous]

I agree with 4:13. You do not have to put up with this in your home. If daughter wants to live somewhere where she can have free range boyfriend time, then she needs to move out and pay for her own place.

DH clearly doesn't want to be put between wife and daughter. I agree that he needs to grow a spine.