Raising your kids screen-free (or minimal screens) -- experience from parents with older kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can make all your dumb little no screens rules when kids are young, but they'll just double down on technology when they become tweens.

My all wood toys, no screen niece and nephew never look up from their phones as young adults.

This.

However I know a few adults in their late 30s|early 40s who grew up in homes without TVs and video games, and they never went to the movies. Basically, they missed out on the culture of their generation. And they are very awkward adults. They don’t realize this. It’s sad.

As the mom of kids in elementary, middle and high school, I get the appeal of/need to limit things—including screens. But everything in moderation.

My peer group of school moms agreed to hold off on smart phones until middle school. No social media. It’s worked well (kids are in HS now). None of my kids are couch potatoes. They are busy with sports, friends, etc. They do play video games online with friends and cousins (and I think it’s great that my kids can maintain close ties with their cousins who live on the west coast by chatting while playing video games).

Remember: all of us watched tv and played video games. Keep this in perspective: everything in moderation. Don’t raise the weird kid who can’t relate to pop culture and trends. Just don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids are 11 and 14. The 14 yr old got a smart phone when she started high school,, and as she put it "Even the boy who wears the same sweatpants every day and has no friends because he only makes moose noises has a phone."

The reality is, kids make their plans with each other via phone. Teachers expect kids to have cell phones. So she has one, and there are a lot of rules attached.

She does not realize this, but she is VERY busy for a reason. She has minimal time to sit around with her head in a screen. The 11 yr old is still seeing almost no screens.

Wow. I hope you immediately changed the subject from her getting a from to how she can practice being a more compassionate human being. I would feel like I had failed as a parent if my children said something like that.

Thank you! This was my reaction as well. I would focus a little more on compassion PP. You and your daughter sound awful.

8th grade teacher here: those are words of a normal 14 year old. They are fairly mean peaking in 8th grade and slowly become more compassionate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can make all your dumb little no screens rules when kids are young, but they'll just double down on technology when they become tweens.

My all wood toys, no screen niece and nephew never look up from their phones as young adults.

This.

However I know a few adults in their late 30s|early 40s who grew up in homes without TVs and video games, and they never went to the movies. Basically, they missed out on the culture of their generation. And they are very awkward adults. They don’t realize this. It’s sad.

As the mom of kids in elementary, middle and high school, I get the appeal of/need to limit things—including screens. But everything in moderation.

My peer group of school moms agreed to hold off on smart phones until middle school. No social media. It’s worked well (kids are in HS now). None of my kids are couch potatoes. They are busy with sports, friends, etc. They do play video games online with friends and cousins (and I think it’s great that my kids can maintain close ties with their cousins who live on the west coast by chatting while playing video games).

Remember: all of us watched tv and played video games. Keep this in perspective: everything in moderation. Don’t raise the weird kid who can’t relate to pop culture and trends. Just don’t.

I didn’t watch much TV growing up. Went to college in an urban area, with friends who spent time going out to clubs, museums, just walking the city. As an adult, most of my friends are international and conversations don’t revolve around American TV of the 80s and 90s. I think it depends on how you see your kids’ lives evolving and on their social circles. It’s a pretty big world out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can make all your dumb little no screens rules when kids are young, but they'll just double down on technology when they become tweens.

My all wood toys, no screen niece and nephew never look up from their phones as young adults.

This.

However I know a few adults in their late 30s|early 40s who grew up in homes without TVs and video games, and they never went to the movies. Basically, they missed out on the culture of their generation. And they are very awkward adults. They don’t realize this. It’s sad.

As the mom of kids in elementary, middle and high school, I get the appeal of/need to limit things—including screens. But everything in moderation.

My peer group of school moms agreed to hold off on smart phones until middle school. No social media. It’s worked well (kids are in HS now). None of my kids are couch potatoes. They are busy with sports, friends, etc. They do play video games online with friends and cousins (and I think it’s great that my kids can maintain close ties with their cousins who live on the west coast by chatting while playing video games).

Remember: all of us watched tv and played video games. Keep this in perspective: everything in moderation. Don’t raise the weird kid who can’t relate to pop culture and trends. Just don’t.

I didn’t watch much TV growing up. Went to college in an urban area, with friends who spent time going out to clubs, museums, just walking the city. As an adult, most of my friends are international and conversations don’t revolve around American TV of the 80s and 90s. I think it depends on how you see your kids’ lives evolving and on their social circles. It’s a pretty big world out there.

I bet your parents might feel differently about how much tv you watched---people like you tend to rewrite history.

The reality is there is a big difference between moderate tv and no tv. And every adult and kid I know who lives in a bizarro world of no screens is weird. Sorry, but it's noticeable.

FWIW, I'm a well rounded person who travels internationally for work (for the last two decades). I'm no bumpkin. And I truly believe that screens are not evil (but rigid parenting is actually harmful).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids have some screen use but it's limited to almost nothing on weekdays, and as many PPs have said, almost everyone has a phone starting in about 6th grade.

We spend a fair amount of time talking about the literature with them on how screen use affects people's brains and ability to focus and learn. Whenever I see a new article out, I show it to them and we discuss. We also talk (probably too much) about the girl down the street who got addicted to iPad games and became sullen and no fun to play with, and how too much screen use can make you unhappy and checked out from the people around you.

So far, this approach is working. We'll see as they get into high school how it goes.

This reads like the pitch for an after school special. Susie Screens And her ruined brain!

[Anonymous]

I had one friend growing up who didn’t have a tv in her home. She was the smartest, most interesting person I knew. I’m the PP who said too much tv was bad for me growing up. For starters, constantly watching MTV and seeing the mold I was supposed to fit into wasn’t great. I was bored and instead of reading or making or doing, I passively watched tv. If you consider I watched between 2-6 hours of tv/ day, that’s between 3,000 - 9,000 hours of my life wasted just during high school. That’s a year of my freaking life. Awful.

[Anonymous]

I’m noticing an awful lot of defensive people who think screens are mostly necessary and fine. Ask yourselves why you’re being so defensive. Ask yourselves why your kids can’t get through a meal out or a flight or one goddamn day without a screen. It’s unhealthy. And I say this as a person with a problematic relationship with her phone.

[Anonymous]

There was a child in my DS's 4th grade class that had to opt out of online math homework and complete printed assignments instead. He also had to draw google slide presentations on paper. He didn't attend a Dave & Busters birthday party bc he wasn't allowed to play video games.

I understand not wanting your child glued to youtube or playing fortnite 24/7, but there is a middle ground. These parents were weird. Don't be that parent.

[Anonymous]

My boys play a fair amount of video games, but they always prefer going outside to play. They play a good amount of board games and nerf wars & dodgeball in the basement when the weather is bad.

We never put strict limits on screens or made a big deal out of it. We don't harp on healthy eating nor count grams of sugar. Somehow they know not to sit around eating pop tarts & chips all day.

It's harder to parent & raise children who can recognize & live an overall healthy lifestyle of moderation than to siply say No, we don't allow screen time or sugar in our house. Those parents are the ones who have children stuffing their faces with candy & pop at friends' houses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There was a child in my DS's 4th grade class that had to opt out of online math homework and complete printed assignments instead. He also had to draw google slide presentations on paper. He didn't attend a Dave & Busters birthday party bc he wasn't allowed to play video games.

I understand not wanting your child glued to youtube or playing fortnite 24/7, but there is a middle ground. These parents were weird. Don't be that parent.

Yes, obviously this is strange.

What is equally bad, however, is that many schools don't actually require their students to WRITE with their HANDS. We already know that typing dulls your thought process and writing is far better when done by hand. To do this to a developing child is horrible. My kids are in elementary, but there is no way they will go to a school where their notes are taken on computers, their homework is all done on computers from the start, etc. I don't want to raise an uncreative, robotic idiot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boys play a fair amount of video games, but they always prefer going outside to play. They play a good amount of board games and nerf wars & dodgeball in the basement when the weather is bad.

We never put strict limits on screens or made a big deal out of it. We don't harp on healthy eating nor count grams of sugar. Somehow they know not to sit around eating pop tarts & chips all day.

It's harder to parent & raise children who can recognize & live an overall healthy lifestyle of moderation than to siply say No, we don't allow screen time or sugar in our house. Those parents are the ones who have children stuffing their faces with candy & pop at friends' houses.

This is us, we don’t have strict limits on these things either. My kids don’t throw fits for screen time or for candy. They love to play outside and are very active. If things change and they start sitting around watching spongebob and drinking mt dew, we will readjust. But for now, laid back works for us.

[Anonymous]

I would stay as you are with bare minimum screen time until your youngest is three. Then you can include her in movie night once a week.

We love movies but are not fans of video games or most kids TV shows. Our kids are closer in age so it’s easier but it really was no big deal to stay screenfree when my kids were 8 and 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My boys play a fair amount of video games, but they always prefer going outside to play. They play a good amount of board games and nerf wars & dodgeball in the basement when the weather is bad.

We never put strict limits on screens or made a big deal out of it. We don't harp on healthy eating nor count grams of sugar. Somehow they know not to sit around eating pop tarts & chips all day.

It's harder to parent & raise children who can recognize & live an overall healthy lifestyle of moderation than to siply say No, we don't allow screen time or sugar in our house. Those parents are the ones who have children stuffing their faces with candy & pop at friends' houses.

This is us, we don’t have strict limits on these things either. My kids don’t throw fits for screen time or for candy. They love to play outside and are very active. If things change and they start sitting around watching spongebob and drinking mt dew, we will readjust. But for now, laid back works for us.

Yeah, if their behavior starts to change, then we'll address, but my oldest is in college and my youngest is 10 so I'm confident that our approach works.

I love the parents who proudly state that their children don't play video games ever. Then they get around to adding they don't even own a game system. Congrats, I guess? My children have never forgotten to feed or walk the dog. I mean, we've never owned one, but my kids are so awesome for never forgetting to take care of it.

[Anonymous]

Advice from a parent with older children: give up on the idea that you can curate the perfect person that you want your child to become. Do your best, love them, expose them to different people and experiences of all kinds know when to push them forward and when to pull them back, let them make mistakes, pay attention to WHO they ARE not who you want them to be. Most of who they will be is really out of your hands. You are a steward not a sculptor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can make all your dumb little no screens rules when kids are young, but they'll just double down on technology when they become tweens.

My all wood toys, no screen niece and nephew never look up from their phones as young adults.

This.

However I know a few adults in their late 30s|early 40s who grew up in homes without TVs and video games, and they never went to the movies. Basically, they missed out on the culture of their generation. And they are very awkward adults. They don’t realize this. It’s sad.

As the mom of kids in elementary, middle and high school, I get the appeal of/need to limit things—including screens. But everything in moderation.

My peer group of school moms agreed to hold off on smart phones until middle school. No social media. It’s worked well (kids are in HS now). None of my kids are couch potatoes. They are busy with sports, friends, etc. They do play video games online with friends and cousins (and I think it’s great that my kids can maintain close ties with their cousins who live on the west coast by chatting while playing video games).

Remember: all of us watched tv and played video games. Keep this in perspective: everything in moderation. Don’t raise the weird kid who can’t relate to pop culture and trends. Just don’t.

I didn’t watch much TV growing up. Went to college in an urban area, with friends who spent time going out to clubs, museums, just walking the city. As an adult, most of my friends are international and conversations don’t revolve around American TV of the 80s and 90s. I think it depends on how you see your kids’ lives evolving and on their social circles. It’s a pretty big world out there.

I bet your parents might feel differently about how much tv you watched---people like you tend to rewrite history.

The reality is there is a big difference between moderate tv and no tv. And every adult and kid I know who lives in a bizarro world of no screens is weird. Sorry, but it's noticeable.

FWIW, I'm a well rounded person who travels internationally for work (for the last two decades). I'm no bumpkin. And I truly believe that screens are not evil (but rigid parenting is actually harmful).

Nope. They deliberately limited our TV time to 2 hrs per week on the weekend (this is like after I turned 10). In elementary school, we were outside playing with friends every night. In middle and high school, we were too involved with music and sports during the week to have much time to do more than homework and crash.

I honestly don’t feel like I missed out on much except for a TV habit. My husband and I have never had a working TV in our home. We watch an occasional show on Netflix or Amazon. Don’t miss it when I don’t have it.

Ironically, I’m now an art critic and from time to time have been asked to write or speak about new media (including major TV series) so then I have to study up.