Is anyone committed/content in marriage after a handful of years and kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, My 20-60-20 is your guide:

20% of men are absolute dirtbags and are cheating at every turn.
60% of men are generally faithful but if the perfect opportunity presented or if drinking with an old girlfriend will take the plunge.
20% of men are boyscouts and would turn down naked Kate Upton.

Despite that most men have or would cheat doesn't mean they aren't content in their marriage. Monogamy is a charade.

This is interesting. I think my husband is a boy scout. I don't think he'd cheat, not because he's so in love with me or that I'm so special (believe me, I know I'm not) but just because he's not wired that way and he wouldn't want to have to think badly of himself. He was raised Catholic and he is a lot more ethical/moral than I am. I wouldn't cheat because I know I have a good thing going with him. But I'm not super ethical like he is.

And, frankly, I think the 20% who are boy scouts have low testosterone or low self-esteem or no swagger or little interest in sex, which doesn't exactly make them ideal husbands either. My husband would never, ever cheat. Unfortunately that means he also never really desires me either.

PP here, not my experience. My husband wants sex way more often than I do. He's a 2-3 times a week guy. I'm more of a 1x a week girl, if that.

Another boy scout wife. I think my DH does have a lower drive than normal but he desires me plenty and we actually match up perfectly!

+1 same here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, My 20-60-20 is your guide:

20% of men are absolute dirtbags and are cheating at every turn.
60% of men are generally faithful but if the perfect opportunity presented or if drinking with an old girlfriend will take the plunge.
20% of men are boyscouts and would turn down naked Kate Upton.

Despite that most men have or would cheat doesn't mean they aren't content in their marriage. Monogamy is a charade.

This is interesting. I think my husband is a boy scout. I don't think he'd cheat, not because he's so in love with me or that I'm so special (believe me, I know I'm not) but just because he's not wired that way and he wouldn't want to have to think badly of himself. He was raised Catholic and he is a lot more ethical/moral than I am. I wouldn't cheat because I know I have a good thing going with him. But I'm not super ethical like he is.

And, frankly, I think the 20% who are boy scouts have low testosterone or low self-esteem or no swagger or little interest in sex, which doesn't exactly make them ideal husbands either. My husband would never, ever cheat. Unfortunately that means he also never really desires me either.

PP here, not my experience. My husband wants sex way more often than I do. He's a 2-3 times a week guy. I'm more of a 1x a week girl, if that.

Another boy scout wife. I think my DH does have a lower drive than normal but he desires me plenty and we actually match up perfectly!

+1 same here.

But the cynic in me says he's probably in the 60% camp then.

[Anonymous]

This happened to me a lot!!!!! Run from them! I habe no idea hoe they found out, but all came out of the woodwork.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents were faithfully married for 50 years; siblings all faithfully married for 19, 22, 22, and 28 years.

This is huge. Both coming from intact families makes staying together much more likely (if that's what you want).

For what its worth, OP here and my parents are celebrating their 50th this fall. My sister (who is older and married much earlier) will celebrate her 22nd in August. I was raised to believe marriage was a commitment and you worked on the challenges together. Unfortunately, I picked poorly and my spouse didn't buy into that. I wouldn't have imagined landing here.

What about his parents? I'm first PP and should have added that all our our spouses parents also were married until death did they part.

[Anonymous]

Marriage comes with peaks and valleys.

[Anonymous]

We’ve been married so long I’m pretty sure Reagan was President! We’ve had many more ups then downs but we are just so comfortable being together and we really miss each other when we are apart. Sex is still very important to us and despite thousands of times we still find new things to make the experience special.

[Anonymous]

Look at cheating statistics--they are extremely high. Infidelity is commonplace and many spouses have no idea.

I divorced in my late 30s and I was absolutely shocked by (1) how many men came out of the woodwork and approached me; and (2) how many people (not the woodwork ones) confided in me that while they looked happy from the outside, they were miserable in their marriage and they envied my "bravery."

One has no idea what's going on in others' marriages, and many times people don't even know how miserable (or cheating) their spouse is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, My 20-60-20 is your guide:

20% of men are absolute dirtbags and are cheating at every turn.
60% of men are generally faithful but if the perfect opportunity presented or if drinking with an old girlfriend will take the plunge.
20% of men are boyscouts and would turn down naked Kate Upton.

Despite that most men have or would cheat doesn't mean they aren't content in their marriage. Monogamy is a charade.

This is interesting. I think my husband is a boy scout. I don't think he'd cheat, not because he's so in love with me or that I'm so special (believe me, I know I'm not) but just because he's not wired that way and he wouldn't want to have to think badly of himself. He was raised Catholic and he is a lot more ethical/moral than I am. I wouldn't cheat because I know I have a good thing going with him. But I'm not super ethical like he is.

And, frankly, I think the 20% who are boy scouts have low testosterone or low self-esteem or no swagger or little interest in sex, which doesn't exactly make them ideal husbands either. My husband would never, ever cheat. Unfortunately that means he also never really desires me either.

PP here, not my experience. My husband wants sex way more often than I do. He's a 2-3 times a week guy. I'm more of a 1x a week girl, if that.

Another boy scout wife. I think my DH does have a lower drive than normal but he desires me plenty and we actually match up perfectly!

+1 same here.

But the cynic in me says he's probably in the 60% camp then.

I honestly would be more surprised than angry if he cheated. Honestly I'd ask him if he thought he needed an MRI or something it would be so incredibly surprising.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look at cheating statistics--they are extremely high. Infidelity is commonplace and many spouses have no idea.

I divorced in my late 30s and I was absolutely shocked by (1) how many men came out of the woodwork and approached me; and (2) how many people (not the woodwork ones) confided in me that while they looked happy from the outside, they were miserable in their marriage and they envied my "bravery."

One has no idea what's going on in others' marriages, and many times people don't even know how miserable (or cheating) their spouse is.

This works both ways. I’m a single dad and work from home and I interact with a lot of women at preschool and camp drop offs. Many have asked me if I’d like to grab a cup of coffee and when I’ve said yes most find a way to tell me about their unhappy marriages. I don’t take the bait because I don’t need that kind of trouble.

[Anonymous]

I've been on both sides of the coin-- as the wife who was cheated on, and now as the single woman who gets propositioned by married men. My takeaway is that married men are the aggressors of cheating.

It is disheartening and such a turn-off, but very eye-opening as to how things likely went down with my ex. Married men are relentless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, My 20-60-20 is your guide:

20% of men are absolute dirtbags and are cheating at every turn.
60% of men are generally faithful but if the perfect opportunity presented or if drinking with an old girlfriend will take the plunge.
20% of men are boyscouts and would turn down naked Kate Upton.

Despite that most men have or would cheat doesn't mean they aren't content in their marriage. Monogamy is a charade.

This is interesting. I think my husband is a boy scout. I don't think he'd cheat, not because he's so in love with me or that I'm so special (believe me, I know I'm not) but just because he's not wired that way and he wouldn't want to have to think badly of himself. He was raised Catholic and he is a lot more ethical/moral than I am. I wouldn't cheat because I know I have a good thing going with him. But I'm not super ethical like he is.

And, frankly, I think the 20% who are boy scouts have low testosterone or low self-esteem or no swagger or little interest in sex, which doesn't exactly make them ideal husbands either. My husband would never, ever cheat. Unfortunately that means he also never really desires me either.

I sadly kinda agree with this. There are a lot of beta men out here who could neatly fit into the boy scout category. Women don't see nor desire them. As such, cheating is not an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been on both sides of the coin-- as the wife who was cheated on, and now as the single woman who gets propositioned by married men. My takeaway is that married men are the aggressors of cheating.

It is disheartening and such a turn-off, but very eye-opening as to how things likely went down with my ex. Married men are relentless.

Yes, my experience is the same. To the point that I assume it's more than the 80% of men who would cheat if given the opportunity. I still date and fall in love but have zero illusion that a man can be faithful even if he thinks he can

[Anonymous]

We've been married 34 years and both of our parents were married until death did they part. None of my husband's five siblings have ever been divorced but my two siblings have each been divorced once with one about to exit a second time. So who knows about family history? I've never strayed and it would be a huge surprise if my husband had strayed as he's always very loving and he has very high morals. He has always tried to be a great role model for our now married children in many ways so straying would break that trust. I do like that we maintain a very active and fun sex life and that we both have an interest in keeping our sex life exciting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been on both sides of the coin-- as the wife who was cheated on, and now as the single woman who gets propositioned by married men. My takeaway is that married men are the aggressors of cheating.

It is disheartening and such a turn-off, but very eye-opening as to how things likely went down with my ex. Married men are relentless.

Yes, my experience is the same. To the point that I assume it's more than the 80% of men who would cheat if given the opportunity. I still date and fall in love but have zero illusion that a man can be faithful even if he thinks he can

The key for most men (me included) is to avoid being given the opportunity because you never know. I travel a lot on business but I'm very careful in avoiding putting myself in a position that can create the opportunity. If I'm traveling with a female business associate I keep it about business. If I'm at a conference I don't hang out at the hotel bar. It does help that I have an awesome wife who is pretty darn hot but the temptations are out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, My 20-60-20 is your guide:

20% of men are absolute dirtbags and are cheating at every turn.
60% of men are generally faithful but if the perfect opportunity presented or if drinking with an old girlfriend will take the plunge.
20% of men are boyscouts and would turn down naked Kate Upton.

Despite that most men have or would cheat doesn't mean they aren't content in their marriage. Monogamy is a charade.

This is interesting. I think my husband is a boy scout. I don't think he'd cheat, not because he's so in love with me or that I'm so special (believe me, I know I'm not) but just because he's not wired that way and he wouldn't want to have to think badly of himself. He was raised Catholic and he is a lot more ethical/moral than I am. I wouldn't cheat because I know I have a good thing going with him. But I'm not super ethical like he is.

And, frankly, I think the 20% who are boy scouts have low testosterone or low self-esteem or no swagger or little interest in sex, which doesn't exactly make them ideal husbands either. My husband would never, ever cheat. Unfortunately that means he also never really desires me either.

PP here, not my experience. My husband wants sex way more often than I do. He's a 2-3 times a week guy. I'm more of a 1x a week girl, if that.

Another boy scout wife. I think my DH does have a lower drive than normal but he desires me plenty and we actually match up perfectly!

Same here. And a lot of it is personality too. We were both virgins when we got engaged in our late 20s and it wasn't for lack of opportunities for either of us. I guess the flip side is that sex, while important, isn't the most important thing for either of us. If we were high drive I suppose waiting wouldn't even have been a factor.

I'm good with once every couple weeks except in the middle of my cycle, when I could do it a couple times a week. DH would probably be happy with once or twice a week on a regular basis. Daily for a week was rough on him when we were seriously TTC but that might have been a performance anxiety thing too.