Is anyone committed/content in marriage after a handful of years and kids?

[Anonymous]

Just looking for a weigh in here because my context of men's behavior in marriage is pretty poor. (Not to single out men- curious about women's behavior here too).

Hubs wants divorce. I'm accepting of it and we are moving forward with it because I recognize I can't change the fact that he just doesn't want to be with me or work on the relationship and I found out late in the game he wasn't faithful anyway. (Its not as neat and tidy as that but for the sake of this question, keeping that short). When an ex-boyfriend of 10 years ago (who lives overseas with his wife and 3 kids) found out we were divorcing, he asked me if I wanted to take a vacation with him in the fall. I'm still separated and he is married so I declined and said I'm not going to be in touch with him because I'm not planning on being a home wrecker. Then a former neighbor who I had hooked up with several times (also a decade ago, while both of us were single), has started reaching out over text intermittently. He is married as well and has a child. The texts have been platonic but odd- since there's no real reason for him being in touch, I'm expecting he's looking for an opening for some innuendo or something to turn sexual.

Just not into either scenario and it makes me sad altogether for people in committed relationships (myself included bc spouse cheated on me) who are being played. Is this as rampant as it feels, based on these scenarios? Either give me hope for the future or tell me the truth so I can brace myself for eventual dating.

[Anonymous]

I think it's likely that these people are coming out of the woodwork. They've always been cheaters and you're just finding out about it because they think you're up to play.

My husband and I have been married well over a decade, don't cheat and are very happy together. I think out of all our couple-friends we've had over the years, only two have gotten divorced.

[Anonymous]

They might actually have their wives’ explicit or implied permission for that. Ofc agree that it’s much more likely they’re just being dirtbags, but you just never know what’s going on even in seemingly normal boring happy marriages. Speaking as the wife who has given my Dh explicit permission to step outside the marriage in certain situations bc frankly the thought turns me on. We’re extremely boring, committed and happy otherwise though! Two kids, ten years of marriage.

[Anonymous]

Seems like a trio of losers. To answer your question I'm married 6 years with a 4 and two year old and one on the way and in an extremely happy and stable marriage. My first reaction to my husband cheating would be deep deep surprise. I would have trouble believing it. So I think it exists, but you're not getting it with any of these guys for sure.

[Anonymous]

married 18 years with two children. Very committed to my wife. She is still in my eyes the most beautiful woman I ever met.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's likely that these people are coming out of the woodwork. They've always been cheaters and you're just finding out about it because they think you're up to play.

My husband and I have been married well over a decade, don't cheat and are very happy together. I think out of all our couple-friends we've had over the years, only two have gotten divorced.

My experience is that when they think you're available, they start coming out of the woodwork. My mother was widowed at 47 after a happy marriage. It was stunning to see how often and who hit on her (My father's best friend who was married! I saw it with my own eyes!). Same thing happened after my divorce - but not my father's best friend!

[Anonymous]

Together for 15, married for 10, have a 6 year old. DH and I have an amazing relationship and always had. We did not have that struggle that people have when kids are babies/young. I think a lot of it we are very similar. We are both laid back, we both need some alone time here and there, we are both respectful of each other. We are fairly boring people. But it works for us

[Anonymous]

The couples we know who divorced after kids divorced due to non stop arguing about roles/chores/money/values/child raising/too much work and verbal abuse, not cheating.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been with my husband for 16 years. We have been married for 12 and have two children in early elementary.

Our marriage is generally good. For some reason i have been feeling more frustrated with him than I did during the little kid years and honestly I’m not sure why. We are different people, and that’s OK. We are both fundamentally committed to our family and our marriage. Every time I could imagine cheating I would just picture my kids faces and the effect it would have on their lives. That’s enough for me. And he’s a fundamentally good man. And a good husband.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Seems like a trio of losers. To answer your question I'm married 6 years with a 4 and two year old and one on the way and in an extremely happy and stable marriage. My first reaction to my husband cheating would be deep deep surprise. I would have trouble believing it. So I think it exists, but you're not getting it with any of these guys for sure.

Same here, married nearly 10 years with a 5 year old and 2 year old. Very happy. Of course there are always things we can work on. I would be astonished if my husband cheated. He is really not the type and also, our lives are nuts with work and kids -- I don't know where he'd find the time!

Out of all our friends and family (which includes at least 10 similar-aged cousins on each side) I can only think of 4 couples who have divorced, and 2 of those were due to abuse. Of course I've no idea if anyone has cheated. Probably someone, somewhere has, but I don't know about it.

[Anonymous]

Who was it that said "men are only as faithful as their options"? Chris Rock? He's probably right, sadly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who was it that said "men are only as faithful as their options"? Chris Rock? He's probably right, sadly.

I thought that was true until I got divorced. I had a lot more options that I realized but was faithful while married.

[Anonymous]

Man here, My 20-60-20 is your guide:

20% of men are absolute dirtbags and are cheating at every turn.
60% of men are generally faithful but if the perfect opportunity presented or if drinking with an old girlfriend will take the plunge.
20% of men are boyscouts and would turn down naked Kate Upton.

Despite that most men have or would cheat doesn't mean they aren't content in their marriage. Monogamy is a charade.

[Anonymous]

I am surprised that OP and other women are surprised that men think with their penis, ring or no ring. You didn't figure that out by high school?

[Anonymous]

I'm happily married.

I know quite a few divorces where infidelity was the reason for divorce. Most of them the women were the cheaters.

Sadly from reading this forum and seeing the people who have cheated in real life I no longer think I would be blindsided if I found out my husband was cheating. I think we are happy but so did a lot of these other people and the ones who have cheated are not who you would guess for doing it.

On top of that there would be so many cheating and not divorcing. It's quite sad really.