Is anyone committed/content in marriage after a handful of years and kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents were faithfully married for 50 years; siblings all faithfully married for 19, 22, 22, and 28 years.

This is huge. Both coming from intact families makes staying together much more likely (if that's what you want).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, My 20-60-20 is your guide:

20% of men are absolute dirtbags and are cheating at every turn.
60% of men are generally faithful but if the perfect opportunity presented or if drinking with an old girlfriend will take the plunge.
20% of men are boyscouts and would turn down naked Kate Upton.

Despite that most men have or would cheat doesn't mean they aren't content in their marriage. Monogamy is a charade.

This is interesting. I think my husband is a boy scout. I don't think he'd cheat, not because he's so in love with me or that I'm so special (believe me, I know I'm not) but just because he's not wired that way and he wouldn't want to have to think badly of himself. He was raised Catholic and he is a lot more ethical/moral than I am. I wouldn't cheat because I know I have a good thing going with him. But I'm not super ethical like he is.

And, frankly, I think the 20% who are boy scouts have low testosterone or low self-esteem or no swagger or little interest in sex, which doesn't exactly make them ideal husbands either. My husband would never, ever cheat. Unfortunately that means he also never really desires me either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents were faithfully married for 50 years; siblings all faithfully married for 19, 22, 22, and 28 years.

This is huge. Both coming from intact families makes staying together much more likely (if that's what you want).

Studies have shown it all goes back to the family. Look at liars and cheaters then look at the bad role models they had. In most cases you see a pattern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, My 20-60-20 is your guide:

20% of men are absolute dirtbags and are cheating at every turn.
60% of men are generally faithful but if the perfect opportunity presented or if drinking with an old girlfriend will take the plunge.
20% of men are boyscouts and would turn down naked Kate Upton.

Despite that most men have or would cheat doesn't mean they aren't content in their marriage. Monogamy is a charade.

This is interesting. I think my husband is a boy scout. I don't think he'd cheat, not because he's so in love with me or that I'm so special (believe me, I know I'm not) but just because he's not wired that way and he wouldn't want to have to think badly of himself. He was raised Catholic and he is a lot more ethical/moral than I am. I wouldn't cheat because I know I have a good thing going with him. But I'm not super ethical like he is.

And, frankly, I think the 20% who are boy scouts have low testosterone or low self-esteem or no swagger or little interest in sex, which doesn't exactly make them ideal husbands either. My husband would never, ever cheat. Unfortunately that means he also never really desires me either.

Not all of them.

[Anonymous]

3 kids. Together 15+ years. Our sex is usually very toe curling. I’d like more frequency and kinkiness but I know I have it very good and I’m very content.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents were faithfully married for 50 years; siblings all faithfully married for 19, 22, 22, and 28 years.

This is huge. Both coming from intact families makes staying together much more likely (if that's what you want).

For what its worth, OP here and my parents are celebrating their 50th this fall. My sister (who is older and married much earlier) will celebrate her 22nd in August. I was raised to believe marriage was a commitment and you worked on the challenges together. Unfortunately, I picked poorly and my spouse didn't buy into that. I wouldn't have imagined landing here.

[Anonymous]

I was also naive about how many married people cheat, but after a couple situations of being hit on by people who knew I was in a serious relationship/married and going to some work related conferences where LOTS of married people of both sexes were cheating very openly (I don’t know for sure they weren’t in open relationships but it seems highly unlikely that all/most were), I now believe lots and lots of people cheat. But that doesn’t mean I have or would. Every person is different. Some people in your life are showing you their true colors. Doesn’t mean everyone is like that. 20-60-20 seems about right to me, for both sexes. Though I think the 60 in the middle have a range of susceptibility and how perfect of an opportunity it would need to be.

[Anonymous]

Together for 21 years, married 11 years, 2 kids. Very happy, very committed, and no marital problems. Divorce has never been a thought.

[Anonymous]

Committed.
Not content.
DH has mental issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, My 20-60-20 is your guide:

20% of men are absolute dirtbags and are cheating at every turn.
60% of men are generally faithful but if the perfect opportunity presented or if drinking with an old girlfriend will take the plunge.
20% of men are boyscouts and would turn down naked Kate Upton.

Despite that most men have or would cheat doesn't mean they aren't content in their marriage. Monogamy is a charade.

This is interesting. I think my husband is a boy scout. I don't think he'd cheat, not because he's so in love with me or that I'm so special (believe me, I know I'm not) but just because he's not wired that way and he wouldn't want to have to think badly of himself. He was raised Catholic and he is a lot more ethical/moral than I am. I wouldn't cheat because I know I have a good thing going with him. But I'm not super ethical like he is.

And, frankly, I think the 20% who are boy scouts have low testosterone or low self-esteem or no swagger or little interest in sex, which doesn't exactly make them ideal husbands either. My husband would never, ever cheat. Unfortunately that means he also never really desires me either.

Quite a bit of projecting in this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just looking for a weigh in here because my context of men's behavior in marriage is pretty poor. (Not to single out men- curious about women's behavior here too).

Hubs wants divorce. I'm accepting of it and we are moving forward with it because I recognize I can't change the fact that he just doesn't want to be with me or work on the relationship and I found out late in the game he wasn't faithful anyway. (Its not as neat and tidy as that but for the sake of this question, keeping that short). When an ex-boyfriend of 10 years ago (who lives overseas with his wife and 3 kids) found out we were divorcing, he asked me if I wanted to take a vacation with him in the fall. I'm still separated and he is married so I declined and said I'm not going to be in touch with him because I'm not planning on being a home wrecker. Then a former neighbor who I had hooked up with several times (also a decade ago, while both of us were single), has started reaching out over text intermittently. He is married as well and has a child. The texts have been platonic but odd- since there's no real reason for him being in touch, I'm expecting he's looking for an opening for some innuendo or something to turn sexual.

Just not into either scenario and it makes me sad altogether for people in committed relationships (myself included bc spouse cheated on me) who are being played. Is this as rampant as it feels, based on these scenarios? Either give me hope for the future or tell me the truth so I can brace myself for eventual dating.

Does he want a divorce because you call him "Hubs?"

Are you sure?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just looking for a weigh in here because my context of men's behavior in marriage is pretty poor. (Not to single out men- curious about women's behavior here too).

Hubs wants divorce. I'm accepting of it and we are moving forward with it because I recognize I can't change the fact that he just doesn't want to be with me or work on the relationship and I found out late in the game he wasn't faithful anyway. (Its not as neat and tidy as that but for the sake of this question, keeping that short). When an ex-boyfriend of 10 years ago (who lives overseas with his wife and 3 kids) found out we were divorcing, he asked me if I wanted to take a vacation with him in the fall. I'm still separated and he is married so I declined and said I'm not going to be in touch with him because I'm not planning on being a home wrecker. Then a former neighbor who I had hooked up with several times (also a decade ago, while both of us were single), has started reaching out over text intermittently. He is married as well and has a child. The texts have been platonic but odd- since there's no real reason for him being in touch, I'm expecting he's looking for an opening for some innuendo or something to turn sexual.

Just not into either scenario and it makes me sad altogether for people in committed relationships (myself included bc spouse cheated on me) who are being played. Is this as rampant as it feels, based on these scenarios? Either give me hope for the future or tell me the truth so I can brace myself for eventual dating.

Does he want a divorce because you call him "Hubs?"

Are you sure?

Didn't even realize I wrote that. Maybe I was supposed to say DH so it fit in better?

Yes, so sure I don't want cheap sex from married men. I loved my ex dearly when we were together and I was really into the other guy at the time I was single but the thought of it is so unappealing in many ways.

[Anonymous]

Read the mid life crisis thread. Completely and totally out of the blue I found out my DH cheated. Nothing to do with frequency or our relationship, etc. shocked to my core.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, My 20-60-20 is your guide:

20% of men are absolute dirtbags and are cheating at every turn.
60% of men are generally faithful but if the perfect opportunity presented or if drinking with an old girlfriend will take the plunge.
20% of men are boyscouts and would turn down naked Kate Upton.

Despite that most men have or would cheat doesn't mean they aren't content in their marriage. Monogamy is a charade.

This is interesting. I think my husband is a boy scout. I don't think he'd cheat, not because he's so in love with me or that I'm so special (believe me, I know I'm not) but just because he's not wired that way and he wouldn't want to have to think badly of himself. He was raised Catholic and he is a lot more ethical/moral than I am. I wouldn't cheat because I know I have a good thing going with him. But I'm not super ethical like he is.

And, frankly, I think the 20% who are boy scouts have low testosterone or low self-esteem or no swagger or little interest in sex, which doesn't exactly make them ideal husbands either. My husband would never, ever cheat. Unfortunately that means he also never really desires me either.

PP here, not my experience. My husband wants sex way more often than I do. He's a 2-3 times a week guy. I'm more of a 1x a week girl, if that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, My 20-60-20 is your guide:

20% of men are absolute dirtbags and are cheating at every turn.
60% of men are generally faithful but if the perfect opportunity presented or if drinking with an old girlfriend will take the plunge.
20% of men are boyscouts and would turn down naked Kate Upton.

Despite that most men have or would cheat doesn't mean they aren't content in their marriage. Monogamy is a charade.

This is interesting. I think my husband is a boy scout. I don't think he'd cheat, not because he's so in love with me or that I'm so special (believe me, I know I'm not) but just because he's not wired that way and he wouldn't want to have to think badly of himself. He was raised Catholic and he is a lot more ethical/moral than I am. I wouldn't cheat because I know I have a good thing going with him. But I'm not super ethical like he is.

And, frankly, I think the 20% who are boy scouts have low testosterone or low self-esteem or no swagger or little interest in sex, which doesn't exactly make them ideal husbands either. My husband would never, ever cheat. Unfortunately that means he also never really desires me either.

PP here, not my experience. My husband wants sex way more often than I do. He's a 2-3 times a week guy. I'm more of a 1x a week girl, if that.

Another boy scout wife. I think my DH does have a lower drive than normal but he desires me plenty and we actually match up perfectly!