Is anyone committed/content in marriage after a handful of years and kids?

[Anonymous]

Married 41 years....yes...41 years. I’ve never cheated and I’ve had plenty of opportunities but my wife is so off the charts special that I’d be a fool to cheat. It helps that she is still beautiful and loves sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just looking for a weigh in here because my context of men's behavior in marriage is pretty poor. (Not to single out men- curious about women's behavior here too).

Hubs wants divorce. I'm accepting of it and we are moving forward with it because I recognize I can't change the fact that he just doesn't want to be with me or work on the relationship and I found out late in the game he wasn't faithful anyway. (Its not as neat and tidy as that but for the sake of this question, keeping that short). When an ex-boyfriend of 10 years ago (who lives overseas with his wife and 3 kids) found out we were divorcing, he asked me if I wanted to take a vacation with him in the fall. I'm still separated and he is married so I declined and said I'm not going to be in touch with him because I'm not planning on being a home wrecker. Then a former neighbor who I had hooked up with several times (also a decade ago, while both of us were single), has started reaching out over text intermittently. He is married as well and has a child. The texts have been platonic but odd- since there's no real reason for him being in touch, I'm expecting he's looking for an opening for some innuendo or something to turn sexual.

Just not into either scenario and it makes me sad altogether for people in committed relationships (myself included bc spouse cheated on me) who are being played. Is this as rampant as it feels, based on these scenarios? Either give me hope for the future or tell me the truth so I can brace myself for eventual dating.

You just like cheaters.

[Anonymous]

You attract cheaters. Try to figure out why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm happily married.

I know quite a few divorces where infidelity was the reason for divorce. Most of them the women were the cheaters.

Sadly from reading this forum and seeing the people who have cheated in real life I no longer think I would be blindsided if I found out my husband was cheating. I think we are happy but so did a lot of these other people and the ones who have cheated are not who you would guess for doing it.

On top of that there would be so many cheating and not divorcing. It's quite sad really.

+ 1

I was just going to say something like this. I've been with my husband for close to 20 years and we'll be celebrating our fifteenth wedding anniversary next spring. We have 3 kids. As far as I know, we are happy and he is faithful. We had toe curling sex the other day so it still happens 1 or 2 a week.

But yeah reading these forums has made me paranoid. Too many women have said "as far as I know we are happy and he is faithful" for me to put 100% stock in it. I would be shocked and devastated if it turned out he cheated but these stories are too common for me to think it would NEVER EVER happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm happily married.

I know quite a few divorces where infidelity was the reason for divorce. Most of them the women were the cheaters.

Sadly from reading this forum and seeing the people who have cheated in real life I no longer think I would be blindsided if I found out my husband was cheating. I think we are happy but so did a lot of these other people and the ones who have cheated are not who you would guess for doing it.

On top of that there would be so many cheating and not divorcing. It's quite sad really.

Keep your husband's toes curled and you greatly minimize the chances. Not eliminate, since some men are chronic philanderers but you would know that by now if you were married to one

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here, My 20-60-20 is your guide:

20% of men are absolute dirtbags and are cheating at every turn.
60% of men are generally faithful but if the perfect opportunity presented or if drinking with an old girlfriend will take the plunge.
20% of men are boyscouts and would turn down naked Kate Upton.

Despite that most men have or would cheat doesn't mean they aren't content in their marriage. Monogamy is a charade.

This is interesting. I think my husband is a boy scout. I don't think he'd cheat, not because he's so in love with me or that I'm so special (believe me, I know I'm not) but just because he's not wired that way and he wouldn't want to have to think badly of himself. He was raised Catholic and he is a lot more ethical/moral than I am. I wouldn't cheat because I know I have a good thing going with him. But I'm not super ethical like he is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:married 18 years with two children. Very committed to my wife. She is still in my eyes the most beautiful woman I ever met.

15 years for me, and two kids. Marriage is strong, DW is still as sexy as she was when we dated.

[Anonymous]

OP, how many men do you know? Really, a ballpark figure is fine. Of those hundreds or thousands of men you know, one cheated on you and two seem to want to cheat with you. I am almost 12 years into marriage with two kids and DH and I are both very happy. I have never cheated and I feel fairly certain DH has not either. I have been hit on by a married man once. You are noticing the cheaters and it seems like they are every where. And there are a lot, no doubt, the ones tyou know of, and many you don't, but there are also many, many, many people who are relatively happy in their marriages and not cheating (or trying to cheat).

[Anonymous]

Parents were faithfully married for 50 years; siblings all faithfully married for 19, 22, 22, and 28 years.

[Anonymous]

We’ve been together over 25 years and I would be stunned if I found out my husband was unfaithful. When I look around it is hard for me to see any couple that is happier. But, except for death and taxes there are no sure things in life. I do my very best to be a great partner and I believe he does too as I believe that marriage is always a work in process. I’d be very surprised if he had a need for a better sex life as I really enjoy it and I do my best to be very adventurous and not let our sex life get predictable and boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been together over 25 years and I would be stunned if I found out my husband was unfaithful. When I look around it is hard for me to see any couple that is happier. But, except for death and taxes there are no sure things in life. I do my very best to be a great partner and I believe he does too as I believe that marriage is always a work in process. I’d be very surprised if he had a need for a better sex life as I really enjoy it and I do my best to be very adventurous and not let our sex life get predictable and boring.

Your husband is very lucky. We’ve been married 23 years and I’m pretty sure my wife sees sex as an obligation every couple of weeks just to keep me sane. But it is so tempting to want to find someone who might really enjoy it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been together over 25 years and I would be stunned if I found out my husband was unfaithful. When I look around it is hard for me to see any couple that is happier. But, except for death and taxes there are no sure things in life. I do my very best to be a great partner and I believe he does too as I believe that marriage is always a work in process. I’d be very surprised if he had a need for a better sex life as I really enjoy it and I do my best to be very adventurous and not let our sex life get predictable and boring.

PP who has been married for close to 15 years. I do the same, especially after discovering this board and reading about how common "dead bedrooms" seem to be and how impacted men are by them.

However, I recognize that sex with a new person that you are super attracted to is an aphrodisiac that is almost impossible for a long time married person to fight. There's just no competition in terms of physical desire alone. Think about what those butterflies and the overall giddiness and lust are like. It's very akin to a drug. You just have to hope that your partner realizes that the other things that are good in your relationship - trust, respect, history, children - outweigh the short term desire to f*ck a new body.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised that OP and other women are surprised that men think with their penis, ring or no ring. You didn't figure that out by high school?

I guess I never figured so many people would be willing to risk so much after years of marriage and having kids. The stakes are higher now- maybe that's my surprise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been together over 25 years and I would be stunned if I found out my husband was unfaithful. When I look around it is hard for me to see any couple that is happier. But, except for death and taxes there are no sure things in life. I do my very best to be a great partner and I believe he does too as I believe that marriage is always a work in process. I’d be very surprised if he had a need for a better sex life as I really enjoy it and I do my best to be very adventurous and not let our sex life get predictable and boring.

Our sex life was very predictable until we became empty nesters. The night we got home after dropping our youngest off at college we were standing in the kitchen when my husband asked me if I’d like to fool around and I said yes and we didn’t leave the kitchen. It was a huge turn on for both of us and since then it’s never been boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You attract cheaters. Try to figure out why.

Yep. You dated cheaters (or future cheaters). You're cheated on and potentially cheating with. Bad choices of men? Hope you figure out why for the sake of your future relationship.