20 year old coworker

[Anonymous]

Creepy. If I were her mother, I’d advise that the young girl not go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, we middle-aged men can't be allowed to mentor or otherwise involve ourselves with young women at work, even accompanied by our S/O or spouse.

It's because all of the other women will assume we're trying to get in her pants. Or that she's sleeping with us.

Honestly, if women are ever going to get a break, the first one is going to have to come from other women, but I'm not holding my breath.

Middle-aged man here. You're being a jackanape.

Mentoring is fine. Inappropriate socializing not fine.

I wouldn't invite a 20 y/o MALE subordinate to a concert under any circumstances.

Heck, I wouldn't invite a 20 y/o other than my kids to a concert. It's self-evidently creepy/weird.

Taking a young adult out with your spouse is "inappropriate," unless it's to the golf course? Who TF wrote this rule?

"Middle-aged man," my foot, Irene. You have a nice day.

48. Bald except on sides (#1 all around). Hair in my ears. Is that good enough for you or do you want details of my last prostate exam?

I'd invite a 20y/o subordinate to a business lunch. To golf. To a cup of coffee during workday.

But not to a concert. I was raised right.

56y/o male here but I wouldn’t do that unless it’s a group event. No way I am spending any time with a 20yo woman outside work. No f-ing way.

+1

[Anonymous]

Asking a subordinate to give up their birthday evening to hang out with their significantly older boss? Strange.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like OP (older man’s girlfriend) thinks this concert will be, at best, an awkward situation she’ll have to put up with. At worst, she finds it creepy and wonders about her BF’s intentions. Older man agrees, in retrospect, that the ticket to join him and GF at the concert was not an appropriate birthday present for a 20 year old co-worker.

My advice — give all 3 tickets to the co-worker and make up an excuse why OP and BF can’t go. If the tix were expensive and/or OP and BF really want to see this concert, then OP, talk through your discomfort with your BF and agree to go and enjoy the show on the condition that he asks you next time before he invites a 3rd person that you’ve never met before to come along on one of your dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he has a crush on her, but really really knows it is wrong and it is sort of icky to him as well, but he still finds her hot as well as feeling parental and it's got him in a bind so he bought her the ticket but taking her with you to show that he's married (although she really thinks of him as a grandfather figure ...).

Just give her all three tickets and be done with it.

+1

WhoTF gives a 20 yo intern or FT junior employee a birthday present at all?

Or worse, wtf gives a junior employee ONE concert ticket?

Or more odd, gives ONe concert ticket next to themselves and a significant other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, we middle-aged men can't be allowed to mentor or otherwise involve ourselves with young women at work, even accompanied by our S/O or spouse.

It's because all of the other women will assume we're trying to get in her pants. Or that she's sleeping with us.

Honestly, if women are ever going to get a break, the first one is going to have to come from other women, but I'm not holding my breath.

How is purchasing a birthday gift, especially one that is an “experience” that must be shared with the mentor outside of work professional mentorship?

Your response is equivalent to men who pout because they’re no longer “allowed” to compliment women’s bodies in the workplace. Women never needed that crap in the first place.

You're right, I wasn't thinking. I won't invite women at work to play golf or tennis with the boys anymore, either. It's not "professional" and contributes nothing to their development and advancement.

"If I don't get to use my position of authority to force young women into awkward psuedo-dates with me then I shouldn't be expected to treat them equally at work!"

There we have it, more sexual jealousy. This would not be an issue if the 20 year-old in question was a man.

None of you would think twice about it.

Pretty sure several comments have pointed out that this would be weird even if it was a male colleague. Trust me, no one is jealous of the middle aged guy who thinks he's still got it and doesn't realize how he's coming across to the 20 something he's trying to ingratiate himself with, and to everyone else in the office who's watching and wincing.

You're only watching because a young woman is at issue. Again, if it was a young man (despite what the female poster posing as a man said up thread), you wouldn't be watching because you wouldn't care.

Sexual jealousy is what this is about, nothing more.

I'm watching because a young woman is at issue because I was that young woman and know what it's like to have an inappropriate boss trying to break down your boundaries at work with little gifts and outings and emails/texts outside of work hours. I'm not jealous of her, I'm in her corner. But if you need to think the office is full of jealous harpies who all secretly want you in order to keep it in your pants, then think that.

I he invited her WITHOUT his girlfriend I could see your point. But if he's trying to get next to her, why would he invite her and the girlfriend? It might not be the most fun for her, but I really don't see why this warrants a post on DCUM. She can decline to go if she doesn't want to be a third wheel. But they're older and more mature and presumably won't be making out in front of her.

People here are so uptight, maybe you would be more comfortable living under ISIS or the Taliban!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 56y/o Bfriend bought a 20y/o F coworker a concert ticket as bday gift to go with us bcz she likes 80s.  He took me w/him to his job to tell her Yet it felt wrong to me. I expressed my disagreement & said I dont want her to go with us. He admits it was the wrong thing to do but doesn't want to break his "word" & uninvited her. So he asked me if I can do it just this once. Not to long ago he asked to move in with him. We've been together 2yrs.  Am I overreacting? Concert is in August.

Gross. That is definitely inappropriate. He's testing your boundaries and seeing how far he can overstep them. My take on it is that he orchestrated this to be an "oopsie, ask for forgiveness" situation vs. an "ask for permission" situation. Because he knows if he told you what he wanted to do and asked you for your input first, you would have said no (I would have said no, too. That is totally inappropriate and creepy).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, we middle-aged men can't be allowed to mentor or otherwise involve ourselves with young women at work, even accompanied by our S/O or spouse.

It's because all of the other women will assume we're trying to get in her pants. Or that she's sleeping with us.

Honestly, if women are ever going to get a break, the first one is going to have to come from other women, but I'm not holding my breath.

How is purchasing a birthday gift, especially one that is an “experience” that must be shared with the mentor outside of work professional mentorship?

Your response is equivalent to men who pout because they’re no longer “allowed” to compliment women’s bodies in the workplace. Women never needed that crap in the first place.

You're right, I wasn't thinking. I won't invite women at work to play golf or tennis with the boys anymore, either. It's not "professional" and contributes nothing to their development and advancement.

Golf game =/= concert

One is a well-established event used to network and socialize. The other is an excuse to get drunk and listen to music.

Actually lots and lots of socializing between men goes on in my industry (IT Sales) outside of work between men. Acting like all men who invite colleagues out are wanting to get in their pants is just harmful to women. When women miss out on these opportunities, they miss out on much more than a concert.

there are always tickets floating around my office. Hockey play off games last year, even the Stanley cup, countless concerts at VZ, Jiffy Lube, ect...If men only ask men, due to fear mongering then its only women who get hurt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 56y/o Bfriend bought a 20y/o F coworker a concert ticket as bday gift to go with us bcz she likes 80s.  He took me w/him to his job to tell her Yet it felt wrong to me. I expressed my disagreement & said I dont want her to go with us. He admits it was the wrong thing to do but doesn't want to break his "word" & uninvited her. So he asked me if I can do it just this once. Not to long ago he asked to move in with him. We've been together 2yrs.  Am I overreacting? Concert is in August.

Gross. That is definitely inappropriate. He's testing your boundaries and seeing how far he can overstep them. My take on it is that he orchestrated this to be an "oopsie, ask for forgiveness" situation vs. an "ask for permission" situation. Because he knows if he told you what he wanted to do and asked you for your input first, you would have said no (I would have said no, too. That is totally inappropriate and creepy).

He is grooming her. Bet he dumps OP for the younger women.

[Anonymous]

I’d be surprised if she didn’t already report this to HR or Ethics. At best to CYA, at worst she thinks it’s creepy, awkward, and off-putting.

[Anonymous]

56y/o male here but I wouldn’t do that unless it’s a group event. No way I am spending any time with a 20yo woman outside work. No f-ing way.

Hello man of reason and integrity.

[Anonymous]

No 56 year old guy should ever socialize with a young, single co-worker.....period! If he's your BF I would seriously question his intelligence in making such a dumb move.

[Anonymous]

Is this where we pretend it's wrong for 55 year old men to be attracted to 30 year old women, but its totally cool and hip for 55 year old women to claim 30 year old men want to smash them all day?

LOL, DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this where we pretend it's wrong for 55 year old men to be attracted to 30 year old women, but its totally cool and hip for 55 year old women to claim 30 year old men want to smash them all day?

LOL, DCUM.

key word here is : co-worker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
You're right, I wasn't thinking. I won't invite women at work to play golf or tennis with the boys anymore, either. It's not "professional" and contributes nothing to their development and advancement.

You can keep your creepy mentoring activities to yourself.