20 year old coworker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I will step in on the other side here. When I was in my early 20s and moved to DC on my own, one of my older male colleagues invited me to lunch at his house with his wife. I'd known him several months by that point and we just got along, and I had a really nice time. There was never any hint of a creepy vibe, then or ever after; he was just a nice person who thought we could all hang out, which we did. And yes, I got hit on by plenty of old lechers in my day who thought they were either subtle or God's gift, so I know plenty well what that's like by comparison. And now that I'm in my 40s I look upon those 20 year olds as if they could be my own kids - in his case his own son had recently gone to college so I think there was some element of empty-nest syndrome on their part - not every guy is a lustful creep.

Thank you for this. The guy included his WIFE in this, for crying out loud.

Seems a lot of posters here have missed the little detail about the boss's S/O being part of the outing in question. That is key.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Yep, we middle-aged men can't be allowed to mentor or otherwise involve ourselves with young women at work, even accompanied by our S/O or spouse.

It's because all of the other women will assume we're trying to get in her pants. Or that she's sleeping with us.

Honestly, if women are ever going to get a break, the first one is going to have to come from other women, but I'm not holding my breath.

How is purchasing a birthday gift, especially one that is an “experience” that must be shared with the mentor outside of work professional mentorship?

Your response is equivalent to men who pout because they’re no longer “allowed” to compliment women’s bodies in the workplace. Women never needed that crap in the first place.

You're right, I wasn't thinking. I won't invite women at work to play golf or tennis with the boys anymore, either. It's not "professional" and contributes nothing to their development and advancement.

"If I don't get to use my position of authority to force young women into awkward psuedo-dates with me then I shouldn't be expected to treat them equally at work!"

There we have it, more sexual jealousy. This would not be an issue if the 20 year-old in question was a man.

None of you would think twice about it.

Pretty sure several comments have pointed out that this would be weird even if it was a male colleague. Trust me, no one is jealous of the middle aged guy who thinks he's still got it and doesn't realize how he's coming across to the 20 something he's trying to ingratiate himself with, and to everyone else in the office who's watching and wincing.

You're only watching because a young woman is at issue. Again, if it was a young man (despite what the female poster posing as a man said up thread), you wouldn't be watching because you wouldn't care.

Sexual jealousy is what this is about, nothing more.

I'm watching because a young woman is at issue because I was that young woman and know what it's like to have an inappropriate boss trying to break down your boundaries at work with little gifts and outings and emails/texts outside of work hours. I'm not jealous of her, I'm in her corner. But if you need to think the office is full of jealous harpies who all secretly want you in order to keep it in your pants, then think that.

Bolded part is BS. You're jealous, that's it. If it was a young man you wouldn't care.

What middle-aged man invites a young woman out, along with his significant other, in an attempt to get in the former's pants? Answer is none.

[Anonymous]

Your DH thinks strategically. His plan is to initiate a threesome once DW and 20-year-old are comfortable with each other. I tried the same thing a couple of times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, I will step in on the other side here. When I was in my early 20s and moved to DC on my own, one of my older male colleagues invited me to lunch at his house with his wife. I'd known him several months by that point and we just got along, and I had a really nice time. There was never any hint of a creepy vibe, then or ever after; he was just a nice person who thought we could all hang out, which we did. And yes, I got hit on by plenty of old lechers in my day who thought they were either subtle or God's gift, so I know plenty well what that's like by comparison. And now that I'm in my 40s I look upon those 20 year olds as if they could be my own kids - in his case his own son had recently gone to college so I think there was some element of empty-nest syndrome on their part - not every guy is a lustful creep.

Thank you for this. The guy included his WIFE in this, for crying out loud.

Seems a lot of posters here have missed the little detail about the boss's S/O being part of the outing in question. That is key.

Some women are not very bright. The guy knows going without his wife is a non-starter. He is trying to test the water. Omg.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, we middle-aged men can't be allowed to mentor or otherwise involve ourselves with young women at work, even accompanied by our S/O or spouse.

It's because all of the other women will assume we're trying to get in her pants. Or that she's sleeping with us.

Honestly, if women are ever going to get a break, the first one is going to have to come from other women, but I'm not holding my breath.

How is purchasing a birthday gift, especially one that is an “experience” that must be shared with the mentor outside of work professional mentorship?

Your response is equivalent to men who pout because they’re no longer “allowed” to compliment women’s bodies in the workplace. Women never needed that crap in the first place.

You're right, I wasn't thinking. I won't invite women at work to play golf or tennis with the boys anymore, either. It's not "professional" and contributes nothing to their development and advancement.

"If I don't get to use my position of authority to force young women into awkward psuedo-dates with me then I shouldn't be expected to treat them equally at work!"

There we have it, more sexual jealousy. This would not be an issue if the 20 year-old in question was a man.

None of you would think twice about it.

Pretty sure several comments have pointed out that this would be weird even if it was a male colleague. Trust me, no one is jealous of the middle aged guy who thinks he's still got it and doesn't realize how he's coming across to the 20 something he's trying to ingratiate himself with, and to everyone else in the office who's watching and wincing.

You're only watching because a young woman is at issue. Again, if it was a young man (despite what the female poster posing as a man said up thread), you wouldn't be watching because you wouldn't care.

Sexual jealousy is what this is about, nothing more.

I'm watching because a young woman is at issue because I was that young woman and know what it's like to have an inappropriate boss trying to break down your boundaries at work with little gifts and outings and emails/texts outside of work hours. I'm not jealous of her, I'm in her corner. But if you need to think the office is full of jealous harpies who all secretly want you in order to keep it in your pants, then think that.

Bolded part is BS. You're jealous, that's it. If it was a young man you wouldn't care.

What middle-aged man invites a young woman out, along with his significant other, in an attempt to get in the former's pants? Answer is none.

Repetition doesn't create reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are bringing her together, so it’s more of a “parental” thing; he’s not taking her alone.

He doesn't have kids. He never wanted them and only has a niece and nephew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 56y/o Bfriend bought a 20y/o F coworker a concert ticket as bday gift to go with us bcz she likes 80s.  He took me w/him to his job to tell her Yet it felt wrong to me. I expressed my disagreement & said I dont want her to go with us. He admits it was the wrong thing to do but doesn't want to break his "word" & uninvited her. So he asked me if I can do it just this once. Not to long ago he asked to move in with him. We've been together 2yrs.  Am I overreacting? Concert is in August.

He wants the both of you in bed together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He wants you to uninvite her? Do you even know her like that? I am confused but intrigued.

"So he asked me if I can do it just this once." He asked me if I can put up with it, meaning dealing with her going just for a couple hours. Which is what the concert lasts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who asked to move in with who again?

He asked ME the girlfriend to move in with him.

[Anonymous]

Sure at some point I got jealous, I do not think is unreasonable on my part.... BUT my sinking feeling was more as 48 yr old mother of 4. My youngest being 18 (male) She just turned 20!

Thank you for all points.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he has a crush on her, but really really knows it is wrong and it is sort of icky to him as well, but he still finds her hot as well as feeling parental and it's got him in a bind so he bought her the ticket but taking her with you to show that he's married (although she really thinks of him as a grandfather figure ...).

Just give her all three tickets and be done with it.

Or it sounds like she's a nice kid and he's a nice guy that likes that they share a common interest and made a kind gesture without thinking it through completely.

They should go andnhave a good time. I doubt he is crushing on her or she on him. She is part of the instagram generation. He doesn't speak her language. Stop over thinking it and have fun at the concert.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he has a crush on her, but really really knows it is wrong and it is sort of icky to him as well, but he still finds her hot as well as feeling parental and it's got him in a bind so he bought her the ticket but taking her with you to show that he's married (although she really thinks of him as a grandfather figure ...).

Just give her all three tickets and be done with it.

Or it sounds like she's a nice kid and he's a nice guy that likes that they share a common interest and made a kind gesture without thinking it through completely.

They should go andnhave a good time. I doubt he is crushing on her or she on him. She is part of the instagram generation. He doesn't speak her language. Stop over thinking it and have fun at the concert.

So easy to have an open mind when it’s not your DH/boyfriend, isn’t it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he has a crush on her, but really really knows it is wrong and it is sort of icky to him as well, but he still finds her hot as well as feeling parental and it's got him in a bind so he bought her the ticket but taking her with you to show that he's married (although she really thinks of him as a grandfather figure ...).

Just give her all three tickets and be done with it.

+1000

[Anonymous]

This sounds like good intentions bad execution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This sounds like good intentions bad execution.

+1