20 year old coworker

[Anonymous]

My 56y/o Bfriend bought a 20y/o F coworker a concert ticket as bday gift to go with us bcz she likes 80s.  He took me w/him to his job to tell her Yet it felt wrong to me. I expressed my disagreement & said I dont want her to go with us. He admits it was the wrong thing to do but doesn't want to break his "word" & uninvited her. So he asked me if I can do it just this once. Not to long ago he asked to move in with him. We've been together 2yrs.  Am I overreacting? Concert is in August.

[Anonymous]

You are bringing her together, so it’s more of a “parental” thing; he’s not taking her alone.

[Anonymous]

It's weird, but weirder he would invite her along with you. What 20 year old wants to hang with their 56 year old boss and his gf? Why doesn't she just keep the ticket and go to the concert alone or bring her own friends, why is this a group activity? And why did you need to go to the office to give this to her? Bizarre.

[Anonymous]

He wants you to uninvite her? Do you even know her like that? I am confused but intrigued.

[Anonymous]

Who asked to move in with who again?

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he has a crush on her, but really really knows it is wrong and it is sort of icky to him as well, but he still finds her hot as well as feeling parental and it's got him in a bind so he bought her the ticket but taking her with you to show that he's married (although she really thinks of him as a grandfather figure ...).

Just give her all three tickets and be done with it.

[Anonymous]

Very poor taste of him. Give her you and your DH’s tickets and ash her to find two friends she can go with. A lot of early 20s kids like 80s music. That will send a msg to your DH.

[Anonymous]

I am remembering being 20, and how I felt about 50-something people (my parents were 48 when I was 20, so someone like your husband would be 8 years older than my dad).

I would not want to accompany you and your husband, but I was a people-pleaser and had problems saying no to people I regarded as parental types, so I would have gone along anyway, even though I didn't want to do it.

[Anonymous]

Yep, we middle-aged men can't be allowed to mentor or otherwise involve ourselves with young women at work, even accompanied by our S/O or spouse.

It's because all of the other women will assume we're trying to get in her pants. Or that she's sleeping with us.

Honestly, if women are ever going to get a break, the first one is going to have to come from other women, but I'm not holding my breath.

[Anonymous]

You are overreacting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep, we middle-aged men can't be allowed to mentor or otherwise involve ourselves with young women at work, even accompanied by our S/O or spouse.

It's because all of the other women will assume we're trying to get in her pants. Or that she's sleeping with us.

Honestly, if women are ever going to get a break, the first one is going to have to come from other women, but I'm not holding my breath.

How is purchasing a birthday gift, especially one that is an “experience” that must be shared with the mentor outside of work professional mentorship?

Your response is equivalent to men who pout because they’re no longer “allowed” to compliment women’s bodies in the workplace. Women never needed that crap in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, we middle-aged men can't be allowed to mentor or otherwise involve ourselves with young women at work, even accompanied by our S/O or spouse.

It's because all of the other women will assume we're trying to get in her pants. Or that she's sleeping with us.

Honestly, if women are ever going to get a break, the first one is going to have to come from other women, but I'm not holding my breath.

How is purchasing a birthday gift, especially one that is an “experience” that must be shared with the mentor outside of work professional mentorship?

Your response is equivalent to men who pout because they’re no longer “allowed” to compliment women’s bodies in the workplace. Women never needed that crap in the first place.

You're right, I wasn't thinking. I won't invite women at work to play golf or tennis with the boys anymore, either. It's not "professional" and contributes nothing to their development and advancement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, we middle-aged men can't be allowed to mentor or otherwise involve ourselves with young women at work, even accompanied by our S/O or spouse.

It's because all of the other women will assume we're trying to get in her pants. Or that she's sleeping with us.

Honestly, if women are ever going to get a break, the first one is going to have to come from other women, but I'm not holding my breath.

How is purchasing a birthday gift, especially one that is an “experience” that must be shared with the mentor outside of work professional mentorship?

Your response is equivalent to men who pout because they’re no longer “allowed” to compliment women’s bodies in the workplace. Women never needed that crap in the first place.

You're right, I wasn't thinking. I won't invite women at work to play golf or tennis with the boys anymore, either. It's not "professional" and contributes nothing to their development and advancement.

Golf game =/= concert

One is a well-established event used to network and socialize. The other is an excuse to get drunk and listen to music.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yep, we middle-aged men can't be allowed to mentor or otherwise involve ourselves with young women at work, even accompanied by our S/O or spouse.

It's because all of the other women will assume we're trying to get in her pants. Or that she's sleeping with us.

Honestly, if women are ever going to get a break, the first one is going to have to come from other women, but I'm not holding my breath.

Middle-aged man here. You're being a jackanape.

Mentoring is fine. Inappropriate socializing not fine.

I wouldn't invite a 20 y/o MALE subordinate to a concert under any circumstances.

Heck, I wouldn't invite a 20 y/o other than my kids to a concert. It's self-evidently creepy/weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep, we middle-aged men can't be allowed to mentor or otherwise involve ourselves with young women at work, even accompanied by our S/O or spouse.

It's because all of the other women will assume we're trying to get in her pants. Or that she's sleeping with us.

Honestly, if women are ever going to get a break, the first one is going to have to come from other women, but I'm not holding my breath.

Middle-aged man here. You're being a jackanape.

Mentoring is fine. Inappropriate socializing not fine.

I wouldn't invite a 20 y/o MALE subordinate to a concert under any circumstances.

Heck, I wouldn't invite a 20 y/o other than my kids to a concert. It's self-evidently creepy/weird.

+1 I agree with a PP.. he has a crush on her. It's one thing if he bought her two tickets so she could go with *her* friend; it's another to buy her 1 ticket so she could with them. Or maybe he sees her like a daughter? I'm thinking not.

-- signed a 49 yr old.