Husband screamed at me and never apologized or acknowledged it

[Anonymous]

I grew up with mother like op. Everything turned into her feelings. If you ever oncevdared to express your frustration or disagreement she would turn it all around to her, how desperately she needed reassurance. As a child my job was to deal with her anxiety, her anger, her insecurities.

She also pounced.anytine my dad went off--to a conference or party she didn't want to go to-- she would sit and stew and start to think about how disappointed she was. The minute he returned home she would ambush.

As I grew older, she would do this to me too. Once, I received a scholarship to spend a few weeks in Italy studying. At first she acted proud. A week in she called me (2 am her time, 7 am mine) to scream at me, how selfish I was (?), Just like my father, I gallivanted in Europe while shehad to deal with endless crap (never mind she didn't work, and I was both worked and in grad school).. Then she always acts all innocent and hurt whenever I try to call her on anything. It is always "but I just wanted reassurance/don't understand why you are so upset."she doest the constant nagging and badgering until you explode, then acts surprised

and innocent, with absolutle no understanding of how she created the situation.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure, 100 percent sure and certain, it was your DH? This sounds out of character for him and am wondering if it could be case of mistaken identity, perhaps caused by poor lighting (it was night), lack of sleep, etc. Just urging you to to examine all possibilities. Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Hopefully DH wises up and gets a divorce. Can't imagine dealing with that level of crazy every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure, 100 percent sure and certain, it was your DH? This sounds out of character for him and am wondering if it could be case of mistaken identity, perhaps caused by poor lighting (it was night), lack of sleep, etc. Just urging you to to examine all possibilities. Best of luck!

Good point... it was late and maybe you dreamed it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up with mother like op. Everything turned into her feelings. If you ever oncevdared to express your frustration or disagreement she would turn it all around to her, how desperately she needed reassurance. As a child my job was to deal with her anxiety, her anger, her insecurities.

She also pounced.anytine my dad went off--to a conference or party she didn't want to go to-- she would sit and stew and start to think about how disappointed she was. The minute he returned home she would ambush.

As I grew older, she would do this to me too. Once, I received a scholarship to spend a few weeks in Italy studying. At first she acted proud. A week in she called me (2 am her time, 7 am mine) to scream at me, how selfish I was (?), Just like my father, I gallivanted in Europe while shehad to deal with endless crap (never mind she didn't work, and I was both worked and in grad school).. Then she always acts all innocent and hurt whenever I try to call her on anything. It is always "but I just wanted reassurance/don't understand why you are so upset."she doest the constant nagging and badgering until you explode, then acts surprised

and innocent, with absolutle no understanding of how she created the situation.

She sound very abusive. You may need to get so help with that baggage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He told you repeatedly to leave him alone. What is your question?

This. God. If my husband badgered me like you did I probably would’ve reacted the way he did, drinks or not! WTF is your problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure, 100 percent sure and certain, it was your DH? This sounds out of character for him and am wondering if it could be case of mistaken identity, perhaps caused by poor lighting (it was night), lack of sleep, etc. Just urging you to to examine all possibilities. Best of luck!

Good point... it was late and maybe you dreamed it?

DP. Think mistaken identity is more likely. Could the screamer have actually been the friend, or someone else? Just saying OP might not want to automatically "assume" it was DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On Wednesday evening my husband came home after drinking with a friend. I was in a pissy mood and made a comment about how I feel we are behind and all our friends are moving on, growing up, buying houses, having babies etc.

He grows cold and snaps at me saying he’s not dealing with this again.

I am taken aback by his sudden change of tone and tell him I’d like for him to listen to me.

He refuses and walks out of the room. I follow him in the living room and he tells me to go away. I feel confused and ask why. He says leave me alone. I say no you have to talk to me. He started yelling and screaming at me to leave him alone. I tell him to stop acting that way. I go over and touch him saying I love him and it’s ok and that he needs to calm down. He screams in my face, “ go away!!! Leave me alone!!! I want to bash my head against a wall!”

I start crying and go hide in the bedroom.

The next morning I leave for work. He texts me at noon as if it’s another ordinary day.

It’s Friday now and he still hasn’t apologized.

This sounds like a Tennessee Williams play.

[Anonymous]

More like Tennessee Ernie Ford.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On Wednesday evening my husband came home after drinking with a friend. I was in a pissy mood and made a comment about how I feel we are behind and all our friends are moving on, growing up, buying houses, having babies etc.

He grows cold and snaps at me saying he’s not dealing with this again.

I am taken aback by his sudden change of tone and tell him I’d like for him to listen to me.

He refuses and walks out of the room. I follow him in the living room and he tells me to go away. I feel confused and ask why. He says leave me alone. I say no you have to talk to me. He started yelling and screaming at me to leave him alone. I tell him to stop acting that way. I go over and touch him saying I love him and it’s ok and that he needs to calm down. He screams in my face, “ go away!!! Leave me alone!!! I want to bash my head against a wall!”

I start crying and go hide in the bedroom.

The next morning I leave for work. He texts me at noon as if it’s another ordinary day.

It’s Friday now and he still hasn’t apologized.

OP this is a lousy dynamic. Think about it- you go out with your friends, you're having fun, and then you come home to your spouse nagging you about issues that cannot immediately be resolved.

Ask yourself: why did DH have to be confronted with YOUR pissy mood? Why is that HIS problem? Did you engage in any pleasant conversation at all? When DH goes out with friends I ask him how it went, what he and his friends did, we gossip about whoever he was with, and then I tell him what I did while he was gone. And then we go to SLEEP because that is not the time for deep conversation! And what was he supposed to say when you told him all your friends are ahead? "Yes honey, they all have better wives than I do," would that type of response have made you happy?

There is a time to resolve problems and work out issues and it is not after a night with friends when the person at home is in a pissy mood. Now DH just perceives you as a nag and doesn't even feel the need to apologize to you anymore.

[Anonymous]

OP, was anyone else (other than you) in the home at the time your husband, if that's who it was, entered the house? Does anyone else have a key? TIA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You authored the “husband says I’m a monster” thread, right?

I thought This sounded familiar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure, 100 percent sure and certain, it was your DH? This sounds out of character for him and am wondering if it could be case of mistaken identity, perhaps caused by poor lighting (it was night), lack of sleep, etc. Just urging you to to examine all possibilities. Best of luck!

WTH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Serious conversations need the right time and place. Following your drink husband around while you are in a pissy mood and refusing to back off when asked is all on you. Ambushing someone is guaranteed to fail.

Instead of waiting for an apology (yours too?) Find the right time to discuss your feelings, and allow him to have his feelings too.
+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, was anyone else (other than you) in the home at the time your husband, if that's who it was, entered the house? Does anyone else have a key? TIA

WTF am I missing in this thread???