Think my wife is cheating with a woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The girl has a girlfriend but no kids... I doubt it’s about my kids. Right?

DP here:
In my experience with my lesbian friends (in our 30s and 40s), they will typically already have another woman lined up before they break up with their current partner. I've seen it happen many times with multiple lesbian friends who are childless. There is very little time spent as a "single" once lesbians are in their 30s.

So no, I do not think the colleague having a girlfriend is necessarily a sign that you can let down your guard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has given me a lot to think about... I think trust but verify (who said that—thanks) is appealing, but this nagging feeling...

As for a threesome, no. I don’t think I could watch her with another person even a girl . I would be pissed.

So if the women on here, you think you’d text all the time with a new lesbian friend? And I mean as soon as we get the kids to bed and until after I’ve fallen asleep and in the morning pretty much when I leave. It just feels like a lot. I guess I should ask to see her phone. But I don’t want to be an asshole.

She may be having an emotional affair with this woman but not really be aware that that's what is happening. If you get negative and accusatory, I think it's easy for her to fall back on "you're controlling!" and "I guess I'm not allowed to have friends now." I think it will be more effective to focus on the positive: "I'd really like to have some screen free time with you every day so we can connect." Can you two go away for a long weekend? It's tough. I'm a woman and my (now) ex wife left me for a woman coworker. In retrospect, the only thing that would have changed that outcome is putting more effort into my marriage earlier on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This has given me a lot to think about... I think trust but verify (who said that—thanks) is appealing, but this nagging feeling...

As for a threesome, no. I don’t think I could watch her with another person even a girl . I would be pissed.

So if the women on here, you think you’d text all the time with a new lesbian friend? And I mean as soon as we get the kids to bed and until after I’ve fallen asleep and in the morning pretty much when I leave. It just feels like a lot. I guess I should ask to see her phone. But I don’t want to be an asshole.

She may be having an emotional affair with this woman but not really be aware that that's what is happening. If you get negative and accusatory, I think it's easy for her to fall back on "you're controlling!" and "I guess I'm not allowed to have friends now." I think it will be more effective to focus on the positive: "I'd really like to have some screen free time with you every day so we can connect." Can you two go away for a long weekend? It's tough. I'm a woman and my (now) ex wife left me for a woman coworker. In retrospect, the only thing that would have changed that outcome is putting more effort into my marriage earlier on.

NP: I agree that being controlling etc is not the way to go. If I had a redo I would say to her that you’ve noticed that she showing friend more attention etc and you think it’s at the expense of your marriage. Indicate that if that is what she wants then that’s her choice but you aren’t waiting around. Then watch and observe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The woman has a girlfriend but no kids... I doubt it’s about my kids. Right?

FIFY. God you're annoying.

[Anonymous]

BFD...OP, you are deluded.

[Anonymous]

Some lesbians enjoy the challenge of "turning out" a formerly straight woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has given me a lot to think about... I think trust but verify (who said that—thanks) is appealing, but this nagging feeling...

As for a threesome, no. I don’t think I could watch her with another person even a girl . I would be pissed.

So if the women on here, you think you’d text all the time with a new lesbian friend? And I mean as soon as we get the kids to bed and until after I’ve fallen asleep and in the morning pretty much when I leave. It just feels like a lot. I guess I should ask to see her phone. But I don’t want to be an asshole.

Sometimes we get enamored by a new friend. But this sounds like more. Like a lot more. Either she's having an actual affair or an emotional affair.

I like the PPs suggestions of asking for some screen-free time so you can connect more. Don't demand her phone at this time, but I think you'll find there is a negative reaction to your request.

I had an affair. If DH had asked me to spend more time with him at that time ... I would not wanted to do that. At all.

[Anonymous]

Get up in the middle of the night, take her phone, and use iPhone cracking software to dump the contents of her phone onto the hard drive of your computer. Then you can examine her texts at your leisure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you find out it's true, ask if you can watch.

than drop your pants and see if her friend is a vegetarian too