Think my wife is cheating with a woman?

[Anonymous]

I’m sure I will get roasted for this but I’m really curious and obviously can’t ask in our group of friends.

My wife and have been together 14 years, married 11. We have two boys that are 5 and 9. They’re great kids. No problems. My wife and I met in college and got married after. We both work and are financially stable. Pretty average house and cars, nothing fancy but we aren’t like that so it’s good. We have a great sex life and don’t have any problems. Other than small usual stuff— mostly my fault (or so it seems) for being forgetful or whatever. We don’t fight regularly and definately never really yell or anything like that.

But

My wife has a new friend at work who is a lesbian and I’m starting to worry that maybe there’s something going on. They met almost a year ago when this girl transferred from the same company but in Maryland. My wife never had any lesbian stuff in her past and I know that, but she’s been texting this girl a lot— like at night when we go to bed and in the morning after I leave for work. I looked up our records and they text all day, too. She talks about this girl a lot and says they have a lot in common and she’s “so funny” and stuff. She swears they are just friends and all the people at work are good friends (which is true) but sometimes I get this feeling that’ she’s not being honest. She’s never cheated on me and NEVER said anything about women before so I’m confused. She’s never had a friend that she texts this much. I’ve met the girl a few times and my wife is way more attractive so I don’t get that. The girl is nice but I can’t understand the closeness. Why does she want to go do stuff with this girl outside work? She sees her everyday. Why weekends too?

Do you think she’s lying to me? Or is it just a good friend thing and it doesn’t matter the girl is a lesbian?

Before you get pissed, I’m not a homophobe. My youngest brother is gay— I don’t care.

[Anonymous]

Your wife has a FRIEND.

Has she never had a close friend who is a woman before? I'm assuming she has, but that it didn't worry you because her previous close friends were not lesbians.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your intuition is sounding the alarm. Listen to your gut.

[Anonymous]

I think the lesbian thing is a huge mental hurdle for some men who have only seen lesbian women as portrayed in porn.

Having said that, if she’s taking too much time away from the family to do things with others, then that’s the issue you address.

[Anonymous]

Would you consider her having a purely sexual lesbian affair as cheating? My wife is allowed to do so, it doesn't detract from our marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the lesbian thing is a huge mental hurdle for some men who have only seen lesbian women as portrayed in porn.

Having said that, if she’s taking too much time away from the family to do things with others, then that’s the issue you address.

For some reason, men thing that lesbians have a man's sex drive. This doesn't seem like anything more than a close friendship among two people who have a lot in common.

[Anonymous]

Well, you are probably onto something. Maybe they are “just friends “ technically, but I bet your wife is enjoying the attention/flirting without the guilt/suspicion a similar relationship with a man would bring. Your relationship with her is comfortable but guessing not very exciting, which is fine, that’s what long term marriage with kids looks like in the best case scenario. But this new relationship is bringing excitement, and walking the line between friendship and affair is part of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like your intuition is sounding the alarm. Listen to your gut.

We also call it “the sixth sense”. Keep it on.

[Anonymous]

Me again— could a woman just all of a sudden be into other women?

[Anonymous]

I think crushes exist in the context of friendships, as well as romantic relationships, OP. I doubt that your wife is sexually attracted to this other woman, but perhaps she's in a crush phase, friend-mode. Does she tend to be impulsive and take a sudden liking or dislike to people?

[Anonymous]

I think it’s definitely possible she wants to/is having an affair with this woman. It wouldn’t be OK if the person was a man, would it? Even if OP’s wife said they were just friends the masses would be screaming that it’s an emotional affair.

We live in a society where it’s way more acceptable and way less taboo to be gay or lesbian. So for me I take gender out of the equation here. It’s a relationship that’s possibly drawing OP’s DW’s attention and emotional resource away from their marriage. It’s not OK. They should at least talk it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you consider her having a purely sexual lesbian affair as cheating? My wife is allowed to do so, it doesn't detract from our marriage

Two good friends of mine left their husband for a woman FYI. Before that, they never had any lesbian relationships.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you should be paying so much attention to the other woman’s sexual preferences – this isn’t what’s going on here. Your wife obviously likes this person and she likes your wife but this is a new friendship and new friendships can get pretty intense in the beginning then they plateau to normal levels.

However, if these two start going to Lavender Jane concerts or weekend yoga retreats by themselves then you’re gonna need to have some serious talks. but right now it’s just a new friendship and I wouldn’t worry about it; and after a few months or when the lesbian gets a serious girlfriend you’ll see everything fall off.

[Anonymous]

If you find out it's true, ask if you can watch.

[Anonymous]

PP here: here’s the link if you’re interested in Lavender Jane
https://youtu.be/xjzs_x5bPiA