Give me a reality check on if I'm being a b****

[Anonymous]

I am simply confused as to how people ask others to arrange their wedding chairs, I suppose this is some cheap hick wedding?
You should have told her, "sure, we'll drop off Jimmy and bobby foe you to watch while we arrange your wedding venue. So much fun for you to get the feel of parenting young kids!"

[Anonymous]

Idk, I can see both sides. On one hand, it's a lot to ask guests, especially oot and have little ones, to help pitch in when they'd rather be visiting the area and family.
Otoh, it's family. We went to my first cousin's wedding cross country. It was a 4 evening event and we helped out quite a bit. They would and have absolutely done similarly for us.

You're not in the wrong for feeling putt off though, so I get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Idk, I can see both sides. On one hand, it's a lot to ask guests, especially oot and have little ones, to help pitch in when they'd rather be visiting the area and family.
Otoh, it's family. We went to my first cousin's wedding cross country. It was a 4 evening event and we helped out quite a bit. They would and have absolutely done similarly for us.

You're not in the wrong for feeling putt off though, so I get it.

They should have asked more than 4 days before the wedding, too!

[Anonymous]

I flew cross country for my SILs wedding. When we got there we were exhausted beyond belief. And we only had ONE toddler at the time.

We needed every minute of downtime that weekend. If my in-laws has asked us to do something like this I would have been seriously hurt and annoyed. The stress was already huge - for both of us!. Do not underestimate how tired you will be after managing 2 kids on a cross country flight, renting a car, etc. and being in a new location.

Don’t worry about the relationship. When SIL has kids she’ll realize how ridiculous this request was.

[Anonymous]

We recently went to the wedding of a son of a good friend several states away and they asked us to help with the chairs and tables. And we’re in our late 50s. And it was hot. And the chairs and tables were heavy. And we did it gladly. Without complaining. Because that’s what people do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why did YOU insert yourself at all? This type of communication and plan needs to be worked out directly by siblings. You support whatever your husband decides. End of story.

OP here. I didn't insert myself. She called me and asked. I said I didn't think we'd be able to. If people think it's reasonable for DH to go off and help set up, then that's what I'll suggest

Yeah, it's more than reasonable. So do it.

Next time any of his family asks for a "we" favor, *discuss it with your husband first,* then HE needs to be the one to respond.

Even if they try to pull you in stuff, stay out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm going to just volunteer DH (if he actually wants to go, and let him handle it if he doesn't). I appreciate the reality check for those who responded.
But just to answer a few questions...

She called and asked today for a wedding that's this weekend

We are the first one in the family to have kids, and the venue is kind of kid friendly, so I think she doesn't think it would be a big deal for the kids to tag along / hang out while set up is happening

The venue is off the beaten path. It's about a 45 min drive from everything (hotel & place that chairs / tables are being rented).

The wedding will have 150 people.

The bride doesn’t get it. Setting up tents and chairs for 150 people after traveling cross country with 2 toddlers ? Jet lag? Fussy children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We recently went to the wedding of a son of a good friend several states away and they asked us to help with the chairs and tables. And we’re in our late 50s. And it was hot. And the chairs and tables were heavy. And we did it gladly. Without complaining. Because that’s what people do.

They should’ve been embarrassed to ask you. That’s totally ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

SIL should not be asking you or her brother to help with this task. You're flying across the country at your own expense and there is other family you'd like to visit with, too.

At best, she's clueless.

But how I read it was that she is being bratty and trying to get her brother to jump through a hoop on "HER day". I'll bet you anything she thought they were close at one point, and now she doesn't hear from her brother all that much because he's busy with his wife and two extremely young children. Now, in her mind, her wedding is the day she gets to set everyone's priorities.

Do you think that could be the dynamic, OP?

[Anonymous]

Not to pile on OP but I was married in my early 20s and seriously needed help. I just couldn’t afford what people could a decade later. We didn’t have siblings to help ( they were in high school!) but we asked friends to help. Only relatives and parents acted like they couldn’t help us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to pile on OP but I was married in my early 20s and seriously needed help. I just couldn’t afford what people could a decade later. We didn’t have siblings to help ( they were in high school!) but we asked friends to help. Only relatives and parents acted like they couldn’t help us.

Then you did a poor job planning a wedding you could afford/pull off. And apparently haven’t matured much since.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your DH goes to help. You take care of the kids. Very straightforward.

Yeah. Why is "we" are not available to help. Your DH absolutely could.

This. This is what your husband should’ve offered in the first place if you knew help was needed ahead of time

+2.

[Anonymous]

It's ridiculous to ask wedding guests to act as transport for the wedding furniture/essentials.
On the other hand, if bride said no kids invited to the wedding events, that would perfectly within her province.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's ridiculous to ask wedding guests to act as transport for the wedding furniture/essentials.
On the other hand, if bride said no kids invited to the wedding events, that would perfectly within her province.

Uh no. She can’t un-invite the children AFTER they flew across the country to be there. It doesn’t matter how annoyed the bride is that her brother and SIL can’t taken last minute tasks because they have children.

It’s pretty rude to ask your brother and his wife to carry tables the day before your wedding. It’s an entire new level of crazy to tell your brother your nice/nephews are no longer welcome at the wedding because he said no. I mean if SIL is looking for a way to end the relationship, this would be a great way to go about it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not to pile on OP but I was married in my early 20s and seriously needed help. I just couldn’t afford what people could a decade later. We didn’t have siblings to help ( they were in high school!) but we asked friends to help. Only relatives and parents acted like they couldn’t help us.

Did those relatives have young children by any chance?

Asking for a friend