To anyone who has dealt with having a child/adult child with addiction problems

[Anonymous]

If you are interested in a recovery program based on science, not religion I strongly suggest Self Management and Recovery Training (smartrecovery.org)

There is also a Family and Friends program (www.smartrecovery.org/family) for those with loved ones suffering from a maladaptive behavior.

Both programs are offered online with over 50+ meetings available a week (verifications are provided at some of the meetings for those who need it) and some local meetings are going back to face to face

Good luck OP and anyone dealing with this. It's hard.

[Anonymous]

Our relative had to do a full 12 mos at a center in California,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does battling addiction cost six figures? Can someone explain?

Cost of rehab. Inpatient can be like $650 a day and insurance does not always pay for it - or maybe there is no insurance. It adds up unbelievably fast.

Yes, $100k for the 12 mos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How does battling addiction cost six figures? Can someone explain?

Cost of rehab. Inpatient can be like $650 a day and insurance does not always pay for it - or maybe there is no insurance. It adds up unbelievably fast.

Yes, $100k for the 12 mos.

If not more!

[Anonymous]

Just...giant hugs, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This could take me hours to tell our story but the gist of it is we have a 26 year old bright, handsome son from a "good" family who fell into addiction about 5 years ago. Its been a very slippery slope, with him being close to death twice. Yes, the absolute worst nightmare for any parent and the pain that we have suffered has aged both my husband and myself beyond measure.

You think you do it all right, giving up a career to raise my kids, thankfully 3 of the 4 are thriving but not sure what happened with my son. Until late high school, he had it all together, top athlete,recreuited for his sport to a top college, really thriving. One accident got him hooked onto painkillers and then the rest is history, same textbook story that you hear every day. He has such potential and as I speak we are between him "being clean" for 2 weeks now and us at a point where we decided him living at home is not conducive to his well being nor ours. We have gone to several therapists who all say the same thing. So we are trying to find a sober living facility or we recommend he goes back to rehab for 30 days. Won't even go into the amounts of money we have spent, could have bought a nice home with the money we have shelled out.

Just wondering for anyone else who has "been there" if you have one or two pieces of sage advice, what would it be? We are extremely private and I. know we are approaching it wrong but we are not comfortable going to meetings though I am getting close (my husband is not). I may go to one on my own because I am in such pain internally and feel that being able to be open and honest with people who can relate would take a huge load off of the dark black cloud that hangs over me.

Sadly this is a problem that affects all demographics and most certainly does not discriminate, my husband is a doctor, I have advanced degrees, we thought we did everything right to the best of out ability and somehow we still could not prevent this from happening. It is heartbreaking but every day I wake up trying to find a reason (the success of my other 3 kids is a big one) to find joy in the day. Any advice here for someone struggling to make sense of what to do/how to move on.

Thank you.

OP, please take this with the love with which I am offering it. You will not move forward if you keep this a secret. Addiction is a disease of secrets. Go to a meeting not only to find the support that you need, but in order to acknowledge the first step towards your recovery. Do not rely on online or Facebook groups, you need to be in the presence of people that you can look at and exchange with. It is not replicated online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does battling addiction cost six figures? Can someone explain?

Many friend just completed a one week rehab. $18k.

[Anonymous]

There comes a time when you can do no more. Do not feel guilty. Get on with your life and I speak from experience.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you’re still reading, here is my advice, as the sibling to someone addicted to alcohol and as a professional with training in addiction:

-Find individualized treatment, based in evidence: see a physician board-certified in addiction medicine or addiction psychiatry, go to individual therapy, seek mutual help that works for your son (AA or SMART recovery are great options)
-Do that first, before you shell out for “rehab,” most of which are not evidence-based. Many don’t even have a board-certified physician on staff
-Get support for you (therapy, Al-Anon, etc.)

Recovery is possible. It’s hard work, but it’s possible.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I am sorry for all you and your son are suffering through.

What I have to share is from my own personal experience. I was the addict in my family - oldest of 3. Both parents with phds, went to prep school in this area etc... my substances of choice were different. I started to use in high school and spiraled out of control in college.

I went to rehab in my early twenties and then straight into a sober living situation for 10 months. This was a brutal period of life for me and the sobriety I experienced was purely done by white knuckling it. My parents took hard advice during this time and basically stripped me of all my support and privileges except for paying for sober living rent. One more slip up and they were going to cut me off and they meant it. They wouldn’t even give me cash for a coffee - if desperate only gift cards.

I’m not going to include all the details of my story because it would take too long and there would be too many ups and downs. But basically my sobriety didn’t last and I had a few more years of ups and downs. I was totally independent though. There was no way I was being helped financially with anything so through it all I had this intense focus to support myself. Essentially long story short I ultimately made it on my own to true sobriety. It wasn’t ultimately between me and my higher power.

That year and a half I spent in rehab and then a sober house (while remaining with the same therapist) were key though. And the financial withdrawal from my parents. Even though in the short run that might have seemed like a failure in ways since I picked up certain substances again, it wasn’t. So many seeds were planted. And not having my parents to fall back on was huge.

Throughout it all I had hope to want to keep living. I had this belief that if I couldn’t see into the future that that meant maybe the future could be good. That kept me going and living and trying.

Throughout it all I openly want to AA, NA, and many therapists and support groups.

My only advice to you would be to let go of whatever being a “private person” means to you in relation to groups. I just sense that whatever is holding you back there will free you in some way. There is no shame or judgment in struggling with addiction or having a dear family member struggle with it. Other posters are right that this is a family disease. Take care of yourself, share what is on your heart with your son, get clear on your own boundaries and where your financial support for him ends, and then follow through.

Best of luck and God speed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I am sorry for all you and your son are suffering through.

What I have to share is from my own personal experience. I was the addict in my family - oldest of 3. Both parents with phds, went to prep school in this area etc... my substances of choice were different. I started to use in high school and spiraled out of control in college.

I went to rehab in my early twenties and then straight into a sober living situation for 10 months. This was a brutal period of life for me and the sobriety I experienced was purely done by white knuckling it. My parents took hard advice during this time and basically stripped me of all my support and privileges except for paying for sober living rent. One more slip up and they were going to cut me off and they meant it. They wouldn’t even give me cash for a coffee - if desperate only gift cards.

I’m not going to include all the details of my story because it would take too long and there would be too many ups and downs. But basically my sobriety didn’t last and I had a few more years of ups and downs. I was totally independent though. There was no way I was being helped financially with anything so through it all I had this intense focus to support myself. Essentially long story short I ultimately made it on my own to true sobriety. It wasn’t ultimately between me and my higher power.

That year and a half I spent in rehab and then a sober house (while remaining with the same therapist) were key though. And the financial withdrawal from my parents. Even though in the short run that might have seemed like a failure in ways since I picked up certain substances again, it wasn’t. So many seeds were planted. And not having my parents to fall back on was huge.

Throughout it all I had hope to want to keep living. I had this belief that if I couldn’t see into the future that that meant maybe the future could be good. That kept me going and living and trying.

Throughout it all I openly want to AA, NA, and many therapists and support groups.

My only advice to you would be to let go of whatever being a “private person” means to you in relation to groups. I just sense that whatever is holding you back there will free you in some way. There is no shame or judgment in struggling with addiction or having a dear family member struggle with it. Other posters are right that this is a family disease. Take care of yourself, share what is on your heart with your son, get clear on your own boundaries and where your financial support for him ends, and then follow through.

Best of luck and God speed.

If it is of any comfort it is almost two decades later. I am weirdly the most stable and grounded of all my siblings, am married, have my own child, have had a successful career so far and do pretty well for myself. I joke with people sometimes that God front loaded my problems. It is partially true though. I dug myself into hell and with Gods help, back out. I truly believe that God was watching out for me and put me on the right path. There are so many times I should very well not have made it. Fwiw, I was raised in an agnostic family, but my experience with my addictions, mental illness and how I came to be with my spouse truly lead me to have faith and believe in God.

[Anonymous]

Also, other posters are right. Secrets are the fuel and fire of addictions. Addictions love them and harbor them to sustain themselves. It doesn’t matter if it is the addicts secrets they hold themselves - how they use, when they use, where they use, where they really were, what they stole etc... or the unspoken secrets of their family - their parents unhappiness, own unworked through shame, the infidelity of a parent everyone just ignores etc... all the buried secrets come out to burn in the form of addiction.

When I was swamping my way through recovery and felt like I was drowning, one of the rules i used to, and still, give myself, was no f*ckg secrets! Go to a meeting and share your story. Believe in the transformative power of being honest, open and free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There comes a time when you can do no more. Do not feel guilty. Get on with your life and I speak from experience.

Yep. Been there. So true. Accept that this is not your problem. Sure you can get support, therapy, etc. but you aren’t the problem. If your kid doesn’t want your help, there is literally nothing you can do. All the meetings in the world won’t change it.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This could take me hours to tell our story but the gist of it is we have a 26 year old bright, handsome son from a "good" family who fell into addiction about 5 years ago. Its been a very slippery slope, with him being close to death twice. Yes, the absolute worst nightmare for any parent and the pain that we have suffered has aged both my husband and myself beyond measure.

You think you do it all right, giving up a career to raise my kids, thankfully 3 of the 4 are thriving but not sure what happened with my son. Until late high school, he had it all together, top athlete,recreuited for his sport to a top college, really thriving. One accident got him hooked onto painkillers and then the rest is history, same textbook story that you hear every day. He has such potential and as I speak we are between him "being clean" for 2 weeks now and us at a point where we decided him living at home is not conducive to his well being nor ours. We have gone to several therapists who all say the same thing. So we are trying to find a sober living facility or we recommend he goes back to rehab for 30 days. Won't even go into the amounts of money we have spent, could have bought a nice home with the money we have shelled out.

Just wondering for anyone else who has "been there" if you have one or two pieces of sage advice, what would it be? We are extremely private and I. know we are approaching it wrong but we are not comfortable going to meetings though I am getting close (my husband is not). I may go to one on my own because I am in such pain internally and feel that being able to be open and honest with people who can relate would take a huge load off of the dark black cloud that hangs over me.

Sadly this is a problem that affects all demographics and most certainly does not discriminate, my husband is a doctor, I have advanced degrees, we thought we did everything right to the best of out ability and somehow we still could not prevent this from happening. It is heartbreaking but every day I wake up trying to find a reason (the success of my other 3 kids is a big one) to find joy in the day. Any advice here for someone struggling to make sense of what to do/how to move on.

Thank you.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. A family friend also had one of 3 kids from a doctors family fall into addiction in his 20s. They brougt him home, put him into serious rehab for quite a long time and it worked -- 5 years sober now and he is working, has a life.