DH Appears to Have Given Me an Ultimatum

[Anonymous]

My husband works full time and I work 2-3 times a month and take care of our kid. My husband goes nuts once a month, wants a divorce, and goes crazy about how I don’t contribute to the household ?. I actually fund our son’s 529 (4-8k per year depending on how much I earn), pay for our once a month maid, buy groceries, and buy anything our son needs (clothes, shoes, toys, health care deductibles). My husband just discounts everything I do when he’s mad because he is crazy and irrational when he is mad. I’ve learned to ignore his crazy episodes. I did see a divorce lawyer twice to find out my rights and would encourage you to do the same so that you aren’t surprised by anything in the event of a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he is paying for them to live and she is investing her money into properties and then calling him reckless.

I'm all for women being independent and financially savvy, but OP is neither.

This. If he's paying the bills and she's investing "her" money in real estate, I don't blame him for feeling frustrated.

Also, when you divorce, it doesn't matter whose money was used to buy what--it will almost certainly be treated like marital property and divided evenly. Especially if he's been paying their living expenses while she's buying up property--a court is not going to reward her for living off his salary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce him, but be ready to lose half of your properties. It sounds like you are an immigrant? Immigrant women are often reluctant to divorce their US husbands, don't be. You don't need his sorry a**.

Yes, I haven't filed for divorce because I don't want him to take my money. And yes, I am an immigrant.

It is not your money. It is both of yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why does counseling embarrass you?

I'd like to hear his side of the story before making a decision. I'm guessing it's has a lot of info not included above. Have you consider a professional mediator?

A few items:

1. I don't like counseling because I feel it doesn't work. He brings out all our dirty laundry before some stranger and our problems are not resovled. Example: 10 years ago, he filed for divorce. I convinced him to pull it back. We went to counseling, but he still ended taking an overseas assignment rather than find a new job like I was begging him to. He left me and my DD and went off, and I know he probably cheated on me during that assignment. He had to, because when I visited he knew all sorts of women.

2. I grew up very poor. After following DH around to two countries, I wanted to stay in the U.S. when we move here. It took me five years to find a job. I now have a good paying job. I don't want to give it up. When I had a job and we comingled finances, DH took my money to pay his student loans. I don't want him to have access to my money because he will just be profligate.

3. Thanks to me, we own two homes and three apartments. We bought our current house with money I earned, ditto for the three apartments. DH has terrible credit b/c he is bad with money. He always had and always has debts.

4. DH tried to hang me out with the IRS, claiming I owed incomce taxes on the rent generated by my three apartments. I am sorry, but they withhold my taxes at work.

Anything else?

Except you say that he wants you to start chipping in on the mortgage. So you may have made the down payment with money you earned, but he's paying on the house, too.

Also, your employer is not withholding taxes on your rental income. You are required to report all rental income and pay taxes on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Welcome to the Trump Era, where paying your students loans is profligate.

Oh STFU! This thread has nothing to do with Trump. Hate women like you.

[Anonymous]

So because you have no bills, you were able to build up a nest egg on his dime? You're horrible and I hope that he divorces you ASAP. He should have left you the first time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your savings and investments from money you earned during the marriage will be considered joint if you split.

My ex-wife considered my savings and investments and 401k from before my marriage to be hers, and filed papers with the court asserting that. I then got to spend lots of lawyer fees producing court filings that argued against her assertions. Had I not done that, much of my pre-marital money might have been awarded to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
A few items:

1. I don't like counseling because I feel it doesn't work. He brings out all our dirty laundry before some stranger and our problems are not resovled. Example: 10 years ago, he filed for divorce. I convinced him to pull it back. We went to counseling, but he still ended taking an overseas assignment rather than find a new job like I was begging him to. He left me and my DD and went off, and I know he probably cheated on me during that assignment. He had to, because when I visited he knew all sorts of women.

One way to avoid dirty laundry coming out in counseling is to not have dirty laundry. It also outraged my ex-wife when I told counselors and others about her behavior. Best of all was telling a judge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce him, but be ready to lose half of your properties. It sounds like you are an immigrant? Immigrant women are often reluctant to divorce their US husbands, don't be. You don't need his sorry a**.

Why is he the sorry a** loser rather than she being someone who doesn't want to contribute? She seems to be financially abusive.

Doubtful. She is an immigrant that got a job, traveled the world wit him, and he sounds like a petulant baby.

Hi Harpie!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you need some actual legal advice.

Spend $500 and have a consult with a lawyer. You can look in the Washingtonian for lists of good lawyers. Before you make the appointment, explain you have a complicated financial situation and ask if they can handle it.

Are you now a citizen? Will divorce affect your ability to be in the US? If so, also ask about this. Make sure the lawyer you consult can address these issues.

Then, listen for an hour (asking intelligent questions) and figure out what the best case scenario (and worst case) for you is.

You will likely have to pay to end this relationship. Figure out what that's going to look like, and then decide if you can live like this. I don't think you have many options - so figure out what that looks like. If it's unappealing, decide what is more appealing and follow that path. Maybe you send him off to this international assignment, and take over mortgage, bills, etc, and wait a few years and then divorce. Hard to know what will be best for you, but bottom line you need more info to make these decisions.

You're also going to have to explain your entire financial situation both what your husband and you have made over the years and where it was invested.

I don't think you have an accurate picture of how the law in the US will view "your savings" and "your apartment". In general, if those things were funded from money that your earned during the marriage, and regardless of how they are titled, they will be subject to some kind of equitable split in divorce. How and exactly how much depends on what state you live in and what the other marital assets are and what you and your STBX husband can agree on. (For example, sometimes you can agree that one party will keep one asset but give up something else that has value to the STBX spouse.) The split of assets is not affected by who made decisions about an asset during the marriage. So, even if you decided to buy an apartment, selected which one, carried out and paid for a renovation and then managed the rental property all by yourself, if you paid for any of that with $$$ you earned during the marriage, it probably is subject to some kind of split between you and your STBX.

I don't think you have as much of your own money as you think you have. See an attorney to figure that out before you make any moves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce him, but be ready to lose half of your properties. It sounds like you are an immigrant? Immigrant women are often reluctant to divorce their US husbands, don't be. You don't need his sorry a**.

Why is he the sorry a** loser rather than she being someone who doesn't want to contribute? She seems to be financially abusive.

Doubtful. She is an immigrant that got a job, traveled the world wit him, and he sounds like a petulant baby.

Hi Harpie!!!!!

Hi, subservient "knows her place" wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce him, but be ready to lose half of your properties. It sounds like you are an immigrant? Immigrant women are often reluctant to divorce their US husbands, don't be. You don't need his sorry a**.

Why is he the sorry a** loser rather than she being someone who doesn't want to contribute? She seems to be financially abusive.

Doubtful. She is an immigrant that got a job, traveled the world wit him, and he sounds like a petulant baby.

Hi Harpie!!!!!

Hi, subservient "knows her place" wife.

ahh, the frigid hag has reared her ugly head again....you never grow tired of blindly beating up on anything and everything about men. get some help, seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband works full time and I work 2-3 times a month and take care of our kid. My husband goes nuts once a month, wants a divorce, and goes crazy about how I don’t contribute to the household ?. I actually fund our son’s 529 (4-8k per year depending on how much I earn), pay for our once a month maid, buy groceries, and buy anything our son needs (clothes, shoes, toys, health care deductibles). My husband just discounts everything I do when he’s mad because he is crazy and irrational when he is mad. I’ve learned to ignore his crazy episodes. I did see a divorce lawyer twice to find out my rights and would encourage you to do the same so that you aren’t surprised by anything in the event of a divorce.

It sounds like your SAHM status is not mutually agreed upon. He probably wants you to get a job before he divorces you, rightly so, if the SAHM was not agreed upon. How is he crazy if he wants you to work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce him, but be ready to lose half of your properties. It sounds like you are an immigrant? Immigrant women are often reluctant to divorce their US husbands, don't be. You don't need his sorry a**.

Why is he the sorry a** loser rather than she being someone who doesn't want to contribute? She seems to be financially abusive.

Doubtful. She is an immigrant that got a job, traveled the world wit him, and he sounds like a petulant baby.

Hi Harpie!!!!!

Hi, subservient "knows her place" wife.

ahh, the frigid hag has reared her ugly head again....you never grow tired of blindly beating up on anything and everything about men. get some help, seriously.

Did you sign all your "assets" to your DH? Do you make him "welcome" at home? Do you appreciate HIM? No doubt you spend all your time on dcum since he doesn't let you out of the house, where you belong. Or are you literary chained up and "loving it?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce him, but be ready to lose half of your properties. It sounds like you are an immigrant? Immigrant women are often reluctant to divorce their US husbands, don't be. You don't need his sorry a**.

Why is he the sorry a** loser rather than she being someone who doesn't want to contribute? She seems to be financially abusive.

Doubtful. She is an immigrant that got a job, traveled the world wit him, and he sounds like a petulant baby.

Hi Harpie!!!!!

Hi, subservient "knows her place" wife.

ahh, the frigid hag has reared her ugly head again....you never grow tired of blindly beating up on anything and everything about men. get some help, seriously.

Did you sign all your "assets" to your DH? Do you make him "welcome" at home? Do you appreciate HIM? No doubt you spend all your time on dcum since he doesn't let you out of the house, where you belong. Or are you literary chained up and "loving it?"

oh my, so many things wrong with you, you tired, nasty excuse of a human being. have a blessed day