DS is a Magnet for Crazy

[Anonymous]

I was pretty crazy in my 20s. Got engaged 3 times and dated a bunch of very successful professional men (weirdly all in my current profession, which is a small world and is now awkward sometimes).

It’s true. Men love crazy.

Somehow after I had a kid (unplanned with someone I was just dating) I grew out out it.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he loves crazy until crazy loves him back!

That, or he's a perpetual "fixer" and goes into these relationships knowing a small problem/issue with the SO but thinks he can fix them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he loves crazy until crazy loves him back!

That, or he's a perpetual "fixer" and goes into these relationships knowing a small problem/issue with the SO but thinks he can fix them.

Or, crazy enjoys relationships, so it’s easier to enter one with crazy than with non-crazy.

[Anonymous]

I don't see how crazy would create anything but turmoil and disappointment in a relationship.

Any man who enjoys taking sexual advantage of mentally unbalanced women is sick and pathetic.

[Anonymous]

A lot of volatile people are also very charismatic and interesting. They won’t usually show anxiety, manipulativeness, or other emotional extremes until the relationship has developed to the point where each person depends on the other. Someone with good self esteem who is comfortable being alone might notice that these volatile people seem “off” in the early stages of a romantic relationship. Maybe their highs are too high. Sometimes they get too close too fast, which can feel good if you’re not attuned to it. Perhaps they show signs of black-and-white thinking. They blame others —parents, bosses, exes— when life didn’t turn out the way they wanted it to, but down own up to or understand their own piece. Maybe they lie about small things that seem weird or inconsequential in the beginning stages of the relationship. Hell, even perfectionism looks good at first. In short, when the negativity is infrequent or targeted to those outside the relationship, sometimes it’s hard to spot. No one, even sociopaths, appears all bad to everyone all the time. Otherwise these people would have no supportive relationships whatsoever. What you sense in someone else depends on the context in which you meet, your respective personalities, how healthy that person is feeling at the time, and how much you depend on each other.

As to how to help your son, that can be tricky. Listen to him talk about all his relationships, even friendships and professional relationships, when he wants to. Be a mirror to reflect back the good and the bad, but try not to judge. If you sense signs of low self esteem or codependency, encourage him to seek out a therapist who’s experienced in these areas. And, yes, taking a break from dating might be good. But don’t expect him to take that advice from a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe he likes crazy?

Men in their 20s often like crazy.

Crazy p*ssy is phenomenal, if you can stand the crazy.

[Anonymous]

DS 16 is destined to attract crazy. Way too kind! Odd amount of empathy and not enough bad boy. 10-11 at night his phone blows up. Not because he is alpha hot (hes actually a late bloomer) it's prime time for ALL the homework answers to be shared with the cute-crazy-girl universe.

I forsee a future of femme fatale. I'm trying to coach him to spot the signs. It's really hard since social media magnifies the whole sordid mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS 16 is destined to attract crazy. Way too kind! Odd amount of empathy and not enough bad boy. 10-11 at night his phone blows up. Not because he is alpha hot (hes actually a late bloomer) it's prime time for ALL the homework answers to be shared with the cute-crazy-girl universe.

I forsee a future of femme fatale. I'm trying to coach him to spot the signs. It's really hard since social media magnifies the whole sordid mess.

Well, you could y’know parent him and shut his phone off at 9:50 PM. There are apps that will handle that for you with zero discussion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the common denominator in all of those relationships is your son, so perhaps he needs to do a little self-reflection on why he’s so attracted to a particular type of woman.

X1 mil

[Anonymous]

OP here. If I could guess I would say that these women pursue him in the beginning and they are attractive so he is flattered ...but doesn't see that it's too good to be true. Once he gets involved the crazy comes out and then it's hard to flee from them without drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is 'crazy sex'?? It doesn't sound appealing.

Generally speaking it’s sex with a woman who authentically and genuinely enjoys it. You hear guys in their 20s talk a lot about sleeping with women who act like it was a gift that they gave them and the men should be happy to have received it. That sex sucks. Good sex is a sex with a girl who is into it. Unfortunately, that’s usually relegated to the crazy ones. On the upside, they tend to be incredibly hot.

If you believe a crazy person who tells that you are a great lover you are the delusional one. Funny that you like 'crazy sex' because you got positive feedback from a crazy woman. Hahaha.

You still don't get it. I'm a woman and even I understand crazy sex. Many women are simply prudes in bed, very vanilla. A crazy woman will usually be open to a lot of experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is 'crazy sex'?? It doesn't sound appealing.

Generally speaking it’s sex with a woman who authentically and genuinely enjoys it. You hear guys in their 20s talk a lot about sleeping with women who act like it was a gift that they gave them and the men should be happy to have received it. That sex sucks. Good sex is a sex with a girl who is into it. Unfortunately, that’s usually relegated to the crazy ones. On the upside, they tend to be incredibly hot.

If you believe a crazy person who tells that you are a great lover you are the delusional one. Funny that you like 'crazy sex' because you got positive feedback from a crazy woman. Hahaha.

You still don't get it. I'm a woman and even I understand crazy sex. Many women are simply prudes in bed, very vanilla. A crazy woman will usually be open to a lot of experiences.

I think you mean crazy in a colloquial way, vs. the wide variety of actual mental illnesses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is 'crazy sex'?? It doesn't sound appealing.

Generally speaking it’s sex with a woman who authentically and genuinely enjoys it. You hear guys in their 20s talk a lot about sleeping with women who act like it was a gift that they gave them and the men should be happy to have received it. That sex sucks. Good sex is a sex with a girl who is into it. Unfortunately, that’s usually relegated to the crazy ones. On the upside, they tend to be incredibly hot.

If you believe a crazy person who tells that you are a great lover you are the delusional one. Funny that you like 'crazy sex' because you got positive feedback from a crazy woman. Hahaha.

You still don't get it. I'm a woman and even I understand crazy sex. Many women are simply prudes in bed, very vanilla. A crazy woman will usually be open to a lot of experiences.

I think you mean crazy in a colloquial way, vs. the wide variety of actual mental illnesses.

NP, but this seems correct. Huge difference in how the two of you are using the term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sister had mental health issues in her early 20's including anorexia, depression and a psychotic break for which she was hospitalized. She got better into her 30's and married nice guy who was clueless about her MH history. In her 40's her mental health deteriorated and he is stuck dealing with her and kids. I feel bad like our family should have told him, even though she warned us not to bring the past up to him.

Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually he doesn't like crazy or high maintenance women that's why he breaks up with them. He is naive and a nice guy. That may be part of the problem. I wish I could give him a checklist of red flags but if someone is concealing their mental problems, I don't know what clues there would be.

OP, if your son keeps going out with people like this that means he is seeking them out. He needs to do some introspection and some therapy and figure out why he continues to pursue women like this. I say this as someone who was always chasing unavailable people when I was young and I had to take a hard look at why I was only attracted to people I couldn't have.