Reply to DS is a Magnet for Crazy

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[quote=Anonymous]A lot of volatile people are also very charismatic and interesting. They won’t usually show anxiety, manipulativeness, or other emotional extremes until the relationship has developed to the point where each person depends on the other. Someone with good self esteem who is comfortable being alone might notice that these volatile people seem “off” in the early stages of a romantic relationship. Maybe their highs are too high. Sometimes they get too close too fast, which can feel good if you’re not attuned to it. Perhaps they show signs of black-and-white thinking. They blame others —parents, bosses, exes— when life didn’t turn out the way they wanted it to, but down own up to or understand their own piece. Maybe they lie about small things that seem weird or inconsequential in the beginning stages of the relationship. Hell, even perfectionism looks good at first. In short, when the negativity is infrequent or targeted to those outside the relationship, sometimes it’s hard to spot. No one, even sociopaths, appears all bad to everyone all the time. Otherwise these people would have no supportive relationships whatsoever. What you sense in someone else depends on the context in which you meet, your respective personalities, how healthy that person is feeling at the time, and how much you depend on each other.

As to how to help your son, that can be tricky. Listen to him talk about all his relationships, even friendships and professional relationships, when he wants to. Be a mirror to reflect back the good and the bad, but try not to judge. If you sense signs of low self esteem or codependency, encourage him to seek out a therapist who’s experienced in these areas. And, yes, taking a break from dating might be good. But don’t expect him to take that advice from a parent.[/quote]

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