DS is a Magnet for Crazy

[Anonymous]

I married a crazy woman in my 20's. She went through a midlife crisis and left me and her kids in her 40's and remarried the first man she dated post breakup. The kids dont have a relationship with her and they dont believe this marriage will last.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Op here, I agree that there is something that my DS is doing that is drawing in women with mental illness. I am trying to give him some feedback on what he is doing wrong. DS shared the details with me because he is frustrated and wants a healthy relationship with a woman. I am not meddling, or setting him up with women, but I would like to help him change.

I would like to hear from single mentally ill women to hear their perspective on dating.

Why? Your son isn’t the one with the mental illness or is he? Why do you want someone to bare their feeling in dating and dealing with their mental illness so you can use that for your son to avoid them???

Absolutely yes. Men should understand mental illness when they see it so they can avoid getting into relationship with unwell women

[Anonymous]

I understand that mentally ill women are sick, but it's very underhanded to hide it to trick a man into a relationship. It's lying and that's not cool. How would women like it if men hid their criminal past/tendencies to trick women into getting involved?

[Anonymous]

Men are often attracted to their "mothers." Are you crazy OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men are often attracted to their "mothers." Are you crazy OP?

No, but there is a history of depression in the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men are often attracted to their "mothers." Are you crazy OP?

Oh stop with the Freudian b.s. I married a flake. She resembled neither my mother nor anyone else in my family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are often attracted to their "mothers." Are you crazy OP?

No, but there is a history of depression in the family.

Talk to your DS about self esteem, that might help. My 20 year old DS just had an experience with a "crazy." Luckily she went crazy before they were way too involved. Begged him to tell her she is the only one in his thoughts... and then went back to her ex who is nuts the next day. Luckily they are in college still where crazy is the norm. I had a talk with DS(also told me all about it and about his broken heart) and after a few talks, I finally just said, you deserve better(DS is way too good, like seriously good and nice person), never give a thought to a person that mistreats you. I think we tell this to our daughters but somehow we forget to install this self esteem when it comes to relationships in our sons.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think it might be useful for you to learn about codependency. It’s what keeps people from being happy alone, drives people to get too deeply involved too quickly, and keeps people from walking away.

As for what attracts “crazy” women to your son, he’s probably an empath. That’s a good thing. He just needs to become an empath with better boundaries. Does he have trouble turning people down generally? If people ask him for help (moving, planning a party, advice), does he tend to oblige? Does he ever do things for others or try to avoid conflict to the point where he’s exhausted?

I say all of this as someone who used to be involved in toxic relationships. There’s no one-size-fits-all Truth to them, but there do tend to be some themes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are often attracted to their "mothers." Are you crazy OP?

Oh stop with the Freudian b.s. I married a flake. She resembled neither my mother nor anyone else in my family.

When did you realize DW was off?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you believe Imago therapy we subconsciously find ourselves attracted to what was normal in our childhood. My mom has NPD and then I married one.

So it looks like your son is just accidentally repeating patterns and you are crazy, OP.

Sad but true. I had an absent father and married an absent husband. Regret it daily.

Very true. I kept dating jerks like my father until I realized there are quality men out there. It’s a hard pattern to break but entirely possible.

OP the commonality of all of these women is that your soon is choosing to date them. Stop making excuses for his poor choices, he is not a victim. From these posts you sound like a meddling busybody who needs to step out.

Op here, I agree that there is something that my DS is doing that is drawing in women with mental illness. I am trying to give him some feedback on what he is doing wrong. DS shared the details with me because he is frustrated and wants a healthy relationship with a woman. I am not meddling, or setting him up with women, but I would like to help him change.

I would like to hear from single mentally ill women to hear their perspective on dating.

Most people who are crazy don’t think they’re crazy.

It’s not like they wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and decide “yes, today is the day I let 72% of the crazy show.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are often attracted to their "mothers." Are you crazy OP?

Oh stop with the Freudian b.s. I married a flake. She resembled neither my mother nor anyone else in my family.

When did you realize DW was off?

I’m guessing she was hot.

He probably noticed after the honeymoon ended.

[Anonymous]

How about, OP, you just gently let your DS know you've noticed a pattern, and then but the f out of his love life?

[Anonymous]

Listen - men, especially young men can be attracted by crazy because crazy doesn't just describe the woman, it describes the sex. If it had a movie title, it would be Fast and Furious.

I went down crazy road a few times but never got sucked in deep. Once you go down that rabbit hole too far, it can be tough to climb back out. A normal relationship becomes "boring". You don't realize why you think it's boring you just know it's not the follow you into a bathroom, push you into a stall and initiate everything exciting. It's not providing oral pleasure while you drive the beltway at rush hour exciting. It's the same high as an adrenalin junkie.

It's not so much that he attacks crazy as that crazy is attractive to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are often attracted to their "mothers." Are you crazy OP?

Oh stop with the Freudian b.s. I married a flake. She resembled neither my mother nor anyone else in my family.

When did you realize DW was off?

Quite early, but she was really worth keeping in my life.

[Anonymous]

No one is a "magnet" for crazy or "losers." They date these people.

A lot of people *claim* to hate crazy and they might mean it, but on some they feel validated by the drama or they feel powerful or noble rescuing a dysfunctional person.