The reality of loosing a parent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 23:02. The article even has "Lose" right in the title- not Loose.

Yes, I think many of us know that, but we're just not dickish enough to point it out to an OP who is clearly grieving.

I wouldn’t assume OP is grieving. I think OP may be one of the anti-boundaries posters who tries to guilt-trip posters over their decisions to limit contact with their parents.

I'm a Grade A bitch and am an editor by trade, and correcting grammar in a thread about grief is still too dickish for me. Pray on that and stop being such an asshole.

PP here, I didn’t correct anyone’s grammar. Perhaps you meant to respond to the post further up?

I was referring to your choice of words. I never heard “Grade A bitch” and I like it. As for the rest of your post, you seem like a nice person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 23:02. The article even has "Lose" right in the title- not Loose.

Yes, I think many of us know that, but we're just not dickish enough to point it out to an OP who is clearly grieving.

I wouldn’t assume OP is grieving. I think OP may be one of the anti-boundaries posters who tries to guilt-trip posters over their decisions to limit contact with their parents.

I'm a Grade A bitch and am an editor by trade, and correcting grammar in a thread about grief is still too dickish for me. Pray on that and stop being such an asshole.

PP here, I didn’t correct anyone’s grammar. Perhaps you meant to respond to the post further up?

I was referring to your choice of words. I never heard “Grade A bitch” and I like it. As for the rest of your post, you seem like a nice person.

Huh? What choice of words are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother has cancer and reading that article made me feel a little panicky. I’m a level headed adult but she’s about to start chemo so it’s an emotional time for all of us. I feel like a lost and scared kid again even though I’m a middle age woman with kids of my own.

I was upset to learn that cancer treatment for beloved elderly grandma was of a kind that would not extend life beyond few months yet make them very sick so it was very difficult to understand what the benefit was. It was misrepresented by the med staff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother has cancer and reading that article made me feel a little panicky. I’m a level headed adult but she’s about to start chemo so it’s an emotional time for all of us. I feel like a lost and scared kid again even though I’m a middle age woman with kids of my own.

I was upset to learn that cancer treatment for beloved elderly grandma was of a kind that would not extend life beyond few months yet make them very sick so it was very difficult to understand what the benefit was. It was misrepresented by the med staff.

Same thing happened with my dad. They kept telling him he could live with it chronically and how great he was doing. This was Stage IV colon cancer at good hospital/oncology center. I’m convinced they lie to experiment their drug treatments and get data. He was so optimistic and they never addressed end of life until he was literally almost unconscious in the ER at a different hospital that explained to us for the first time just how far gone he was. They robbed him and us of final goodbyes or an educated choice to deny treatment. I honestly think he would have made it longer without treatment, at least he wouldn’t ha e suffered as much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother has cancer and reading that article made me feel a little panicky. I’m a level headed adult but she’s about to start chemo so it’s an emotional time for all of us. I feel like a lost and scared kid again even though I’m a middle age woman with kids of my own.

I was upset to learn that cancer treatment for beloved elderly grandma was of a kind that would not extend life beyond few months yet make them very sick so it was very difficult to understand what the benefit was. It was misrepresented by the med staff.

Same thing happened with my dad. They kept telling him he could live with it chronically and how great he was doing. This was Stage IV colon cancer at good hospital/oncology center. I’m convinced they lie to experiment their drug treatments and get data. He was so optimistic and they never addressed end of life until he was literally almost unconscious in the ER at a different hospital that explained to us for the first time just how far gone he was. They robbed him and us of final goodbyes or an educated choice to deny treatment. I honestly think he would have made it longer without treatment, at least he wouldn’t ha e suffered as much.

+1

The chemo is the killer, in a lot of cases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother has cancer and reading that article made me feel a little panicky. I’m a level headed adult but she’s about to start chemo so it’s an emotional time for all of us. I feel like a lost and scared kid again even though I’m a middle age woman with kids of my own.

I was upset to learn that cancer treatment for beloved elderly grandma was of a kind that would not extend life beyond few months yet make them very sick so it was very difficult to understand what the benefit was. It was misrepresented by the med staff.

Same thing happened with my dad. They kept telling him he could live with it chronically and how great he was doing. This was Stage IV colon cancer at good hospital/oncology center. I’m convinced they lie to experiment their drug treatments and get data. He was so optimistic and they never addressed end of life until he was literally almost unconscious in the ER at a different hospital that explained to us for the first time just how far gone he was. They robbed him and us of final goodbyes or an educated choice to deny treatment. I honestly think he would have made it longer without treatment, at least he wouldn’t ha e suffered as much.

+1

The chemo is the killer, in a lot of cases.

I think the same thing about my dad’s lung cancer treatment. The side effects were barbaric.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother has cancer and reading that article made me feel a little panicky. I’m a level headed adult but she’s about to start chemo so it’s an emotional time for all of us. I feel like a lost and scared kid again even though I’m a middle age woman with kids of my own.

I was upset to learn that cancer treatment for beloved elderly grandma was of a kind that would not extend life beyond few months yet make them very sick so it was very difficult to understand what the benefit was. It was misrepresented by the med staff.

Same thing happened with my dad. They kept telling him he could live with it chronically and how great he was doing. This was Stage IV colon cancer at good hospital/oncology center. I’m convinced they lie to experiment their drug treatments and get data. He was so optimistic and they never addressed end of life until he was literally almost unconscious in the ER at a different hospital that explained to us for the first time just how far gone he was. They robbed him and us of final goodbyes or an educated choice to deny treatment. I honestly think he would have made it longer without treatment, at least he wouldn’t ha e suffered as much.

+1

The chemo is the killer, in a lot of cases.

I think the same thing about my dad’s lung cancer treatment. The side effects were barbaric.

It is awful, but it is hard to make the "right" decision. Do what you think is right, at the time, given the circumstances. I miss them every day. OP, you are not alone.

[Anonymous]

This list was clearly written by someone who was in the early stages of grief.

It's been many, many years since both my parents have passed and I remember feeling those things in the early years but as time goes on, the feelings most definitely fade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother has cancer and reading that article made me feel a little panicky. I’m a level headed adult but she’s about to start chemo so it’s an emotional time for all of us. I feel like a lost and scared kid again even though I’m a middle age woman with kids of my own.

I was upset to learn that cancer treatment for beloved elderly grandma was of a kind that would not extend life beyond few months yet make them very sick so it was very difficult to understand what the benefit was. It was misrepresented by the med staff.

Same thing happened with my dad. They kept telling him he could live with it chronically and how great he was doing. This was Stage IV colon cancer at good hospital/oncology center. I’m convinced they lie to experiment their drug treatments and get data. He was so optimistic and they never addressed end of life until he was literally almost unconscious in the ER at a different hospital that explained to us for the first time just how far gone he was. They robbed him and us of final goodbyes or an educated choice to deny treatment. I honestly think he would have made it longer without treatment, at least he wouldn’t ha e suffered as much.

\

EXACT same experience with my mom and lung cancer last year. Had we had any idea, we would absolutely have declined all treatment. I felt and feel so robbed. Instead of shuttling her to treatments, we should have been soaking up the little time she had left.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very accurate.

Not really. I was best friends with my parents. They both died and many of those aren’t true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother has cancer and reading that article made me feel a little panicky. I’m a level headed adult but she’s about to start chemo so it’s an emotional time for all of us. I feel like a lost and scared kid again even though I’m a middle age woman with kids of my own.

I was upset to learn that cancer treatment for beloved elderly grandma was of a kind that would not extend life beyond few months yet make them very sick so it was very difficult to understand what the benefit was. It was misrepresented by the med staff.

Same thing happened with my dad. They kept telling him he could live with it chronically and how great he was doing. This was Stage IV colon cancer at good hospital/oncology center. I’m convinced they lie to experiment their drug treatments and get data. He was so optimistic and they never addressed end of life until he was literally almost unconscious in the ER at a different hospital that explained to us for the first time just how far gone he was. They robbed him and us of final goodbyes or an educated choice to deny treatment. I honestly think he would have made it longer without treatment, at least he wouldn’t ha e suffered as much.

I feel the same thing happened with my mother. They put her on an experimental drug treatment for cancer and I am convinced it sped up her decline. She had beat cancer once before but the second time around they recommended a new drug in addition to chemo. Unfortunately, she ended up unconscious in the hospital the day after receiving one of her chemo treatments and died a few days later. Her decline was so rapid and unexpected. The doctor said she shouldn't have gotten chemo and I really wish we would have been made aware of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks, OP. My mom died two weeks ago and I'm working on her memorial, and this happens to be the time when my DH is traveling. It's a little lonely.

I lost my dad in 2001, and I inherited his little house in another city and have it rented out. A couple of years ago my friend (who struggles a little financially) was talking to me about how nice it must be for me to get that extra rental money. She just kept going on about it; you could see she was envious (she gets that way with people) and finally I said, "I'd give the house away if I could have just ten minutes talking to my dad again" and that shut her up. Her dad lives a block away...she's had her dad all this time for 18 extra years and still going. I'm happy for her, not jealous. But other people often forget that when you inherit something, it's because someone died.

x10000

I know someone who is constantly at odds with her ILs who pay her bills! Luxury car, kids' private school tuition, whatever she wants. She has the audacity to compalin about them all the freaking time. I just want to shake her and tell her how lucky she is. She is so clueless and ungrateful. That, and she has at least one parent. We have none of that. People are so freaking tone deaf, it is disgusting.

interesting way to respond to a post about being careful with jealousy. jealous much?

[Anonymous]

The beginning paragraphs are a real turnoff (barf inducing). Wanted to stop reading before even getting to the list.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother has cancer and reading that article made me feel a little panicky. I’m a level headed adult but she’s about to start chemo so it’s an emotional time for all of us. I feel like a lost and scared kid again even though I’m a middle age woman with kids of my own.

I was upset to learn that cancer treatment for beloved elderly grandma was of a kind that would not extend life beyond few months yet make them very sick so it was very difficult to understand what the benefit was. It was misrepresented by the med staff.

Same thing happened with my dad. They kept telling him he could live with it chronically and how great he was doing. This was Stage IV colon cancer at good hospital/oncology center. I’m convinced they lie to experiment their drug treatments and get data. He was so optimistic and they never addressed end of life until he was literally almost unconscious in the ER at a different hospital that explained to us for the first time just how far gone he was. They robbed him and us of final goodbyes or an educated choice to deny treatment. I honestly think he would have made it longer without treatment, at least he wouldn’t ha e suffered as much.

I feel the same thing happened with my mother. They put her on an experimental drug treatment for cancer and I am convinced it sped up her decline. She had beat cancer once before but the second time around they recommended a new drug in addition to chemo. Unfortunately, she ended up unconscious in the hospital the day after receiving one of her chemo treatments and died a few days later. Her decline was so rapid and unexpected. The doctor said she shouldn't have gotten chemo and I really wish we would have been made aware of that.

I'm very sorry. I'm the dad poster. My dad was a brilliant guy and very sharp. He would not have done a treatment if he was righly told the risks and odds---but the entire year they kept telling him he would beat this and that it would be managed like a chronic disease and he would not die of cancer. My mother who is a nurse was at every single appointment with him as well. They also told him do not go on the Internet---that new treatments were out every day and the info and statistics for survival are outdated. What a crock of shit.

I have been reading this happening more and more. Pharma fuels a lot of it as well because Cancer drugs are BIG $$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mother has cancer and reading that article made me feel a little panicky. I’m a level headed adult but she’s about to start chemo so it’s an emotional time for all of us. I feel like a lost and scared kid again even though I’m a middle age woman with kids of my own.

I was upset to learn that cancer treatment for beloved elderly grandma was of a kind that would not extend life beyond few months yet make them very sick so it was very difficult to understand what the benefit was. It was misrepresented by the med staff.

Same thing happened with my dad. They kept telling him he could live with it chronically and how great he was doing. This was Stage IV colon cancer at good hospital/oncology center. I’m convinced they lie to experiment their drug treatments and get data. He was so optimistic and they never addressed end of life until he was literally almost unconscious in the ER at a different hospital that explained to us for the first time just how far gone he was. They robbed him and us of final goodbyes or an educated choice to deny treatment. I honestly think he would have made it longer without treatment, at least he wouldn’t ha e suffered as much.

I feel the same thing happened with my mother. They put her on an experimental drug treatment for cancer and I am convinced it sped up her decline. She had beat cancer once before but the second time around they recommended a new drug in addition to chemo. Unfortunately, she ended up unconscious in the hospital the day after receiving one of her chemo treatments and died a few days later. Her decline was so rapid and unexpected. The doctor said she shouldn't have gotten chemo and I really wish we would have been made aware of that.

I'm very sorry. I'm the dad poster. My dad was a brilliant guy and very sharp. He would not have done a treatment if he was righly told the risks and odds---but the entire year they kept telling him he would beat this and that it would be managed like a chronic disease and he would not die of cancer. My mother who is a nurse was at every single appointment with him as well. They also told him do not go on the Internet---that new treatments were out every day and the info and statistics for survival are outdated. What a crock of shit.

I have been reading this happening more and more. Pharma fuels a lot of it as well because Cancer drugs are BIG $$.

PP here whose mom had lung cancer. She was basically terminal from diagnosis, but they didn’t come out and say that. My mother explicitly told all of her doctors she did not want to go through excruciating treatment just to buy an extra month or two. She basically only agreed to treatment (radiation and chemo) because they assured her it would alleviate her symptoms for awhile. In the end it is did neither. She did not gain any time and her symptoms did not improve and she gained horrible side effects. She was dead less than 7 months after diagnosis. Worst year of my life.