The reality of loosing a parent
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Anonymous
| Sadly many dcumers don't get this at all. As shown by pp that her mom complains about her dead father. My cousin said something insightful, it is like you lose 1/4 of yourself, at first you don't get it, but then part of you is missing. I think a lot of well off people on dcum only think of themselves and are never capable to truly grow up and accept their parents as they are, people with flaws. One pp posted that her mother claims she owns her as she came from her body, rather than learning from this in raising her own kids, her next sentence is that her kids came from HER body so she owns them, in context of not allowing mom to see her kids. Yet, that same pp can never understand that she is making all the same mistakes her parents made with her own kids. |
Anonymous
|
My 4-year old daughter was cuddling in bed with me last night and suddenly said, “Mommy when you die, who will cook for me? How will I make my food? I don’t know how.”
It broke my heart. I hugged her and told her that she wouldn’t have to worry about mommy not cooking for s long long time, and when the day comes that I leave, she will know how to cook for herself, and maybe her own kids. But it was sobering to think about and made me think of the posters in this thread. I have both of my parents, but I’ve lost s child. I’ve also had 10+ loved ones die within my lifetime. Tragic deaths: car accidents, hit and runs, shootings, cancer. Some old age. Losing my child made me stop feeling them the same way. Having my child ask about what it would be like to lose me though seems to have eveu Thing surging back again, because that I just would t bear for her. I pray all my pain in life is just a perfect path for her peace and grace in hers. |
Anonymous
|
Not really OP.
My dad died two months ago, fairly suddenly after several years in frail health. My relationship with him was complicated by substance abuse, abusive parenting, some wonderful gifts and examples he gave me, great love, great pain, etc... I think of him pretty often - when I think of something I wish I could share with him, and I feel free of the weight and challenge of the relationship w/ him also. The thing I have been most struck by since his death, is how much a part of me he is - and how now I am able to accept the good and let go of the bad in a way I couldn't when he was alive. I was at peace with him and our relationship before he died and I am at peace with him now. The article doesn't resonate with me. |
Anonymous
| My mother has cancer and reading that article made me feel a little panicky. I’m a level headed adult but she’s about to start chemo so it’s an emotional time for all of us. I feel like a lost and scared kid again even though I’m a middle age woman with kids of my own. |
Anonymous
I am sorry, pp. I agree. I lost my dad to cancer 15 months ago and we were very, very close. It was brutal. It is brutal. I’ve been very weepy lately—and I am more anxious and definitely not myself. A huge chunk of me is gone and I mourn the lost relationship he had with my kids who he adored. Now that I am here, I am absolutely terrified of my mom dying now. They were such a big part of holidays and family events. My dad died much sooner than any of us anticipated. His parents were a decade older when they died. The end was also very fast and unexpected after being clear of cancer for some time. It was so hard to watch him go through that and the entire time he was thinking of all of us, not himself. I still can’t wrap my head around the fact I will not have him in my life and that I have 30 some years or more to go on living without him. |
Anonymous
| Losing, not Loosing. LOSING. |
Anonymous
| I'm 23:02. The article even has "Lose" right in the title- not Loose. |
Anonymous
| Lost my Dad 25 years ago about to lose my Mom. Thanks for posting. One thing you won’t lose is the love. I love my Dad as much as I did and the love for my Mom right now has burned any childish resentments away thankfully while she is still here. I just cherish her each day I see her. |
Anonymous
Yes, I think many of us know that, but we're just not dickish enough to point it out to an OP who is clearly grieving. |
Anonymous
| I was estranged from my father when he died, and I’d say the only one that applies to me is #6. Now that I’m free of him, it’s easier for me to accept that he was a very broken person and probably couldn’t have done better than he did (which isn’t the same as saying I would have a relationship with him if I could - if I hadn’t it to do over again, I’d make the same choice). His death has made forgiveness easier. |
Anonymous
I wouldn’t assume OP is grieving. I think OP may be one of the anti-boundaries posters who tries to guilt-trip posters over their decisions to limit contact with their parents. |
Anonymous
OP here. How did you spin that? |
Anonymous
I'm a Grade A bitch and am an editor by trade, and correcting grammar in a thread about grief is still too dickish for me. Pray on that and stop being such an asshole. |
Anonymous
| Grade A bitch. Love it! I think I’m part of your tribe. |
Anonymous
PP here, I didn’t correct anyone’s grammar. Perhaps you meant to respond to the post further up? |