Is this rude?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are these your DH's sisters? Or your brothers' wives? And yes I think it makes a difference.

If it was your DH's sister I think that sucks. If these women are married to your brothers, eh, they aren't *technically* related to this baby so they get a pass.

I disagree. It sucks either way. When I married my husband I joined his whole family. I am as much of an aunt to the kids on his side as I am to the kids on my side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not RSPVing means they aren't coming. I would be more annoyed if they said RSVPed no and came and you didn't have enough food.

Are they local?

Yes they’re both local. The one who didn’t RSVP did send a gift but didn’t say anything to me about the shower, at all. The other said she couldn’t come but didn’t send anything for the baby.

I guess it’s just sad to me because these women are all DD will have for aunts in her life once she’s born and neither one has shown interest at all. I just feel it’s rude to not even acknowledge the shower.

Honey, get over it. She will be fine. I have five aunts and they’ve all been nonexistent in my life. I’m fine. My DD doesn’t even have any aunts. She I’ll be fine.

YOU are upset. YOU need to accept this. You want forced and fabricated love from disinterested women for your daughter? You need to ask yourself why.

honey, she said why. She wants loving aunts for her DD. These aren't "disinterested women" they are family so she is right to be upset about what does look to be like selfish people who will not go out of their way for you.

She need not "get over it" but it is information that I would file away for how I interact with them going forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m trying to not sound bitter, but my baby shower was this weekend and neither one of my SIL’s came. One texted me to let me know she would be out of town, the other didn’t respond to the invitation at all but did send a big box of stuff for the baby shortly after the invitations went out from the registry.

I’m a little annoyed that my SIL couldn’t even bother to tell me she wasn’t coming. Thankfully my friends and other family members were there, but the silence irritates me. You never know how much food to prepare if people don’t properly RSVP!

Why are you collecting RSVP’s or preparing food. Did YOU host your own shower? Please say you didn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not RSPVing means they aren't coming. I would be more annoyed if they said RSVPed no and came and you didn't have enough food.

Are they local?

Yes they’re both local. The one who didn’t RSVP did send a gift but didn’t say anything to me about the shower, at all. The other said she couldn’t come but didn’t send anything for the baby.

I guess it’s just sad to me because these women are all DD will have for aunts in her life once she’s born and neither one has shown interest at all. I just feel it’s rude to not even acknowledge the shower.

No, one of them sent a gift. The other would likely wait until she actually saw you. Get over yourself and change your expectations[i].

+1

OP, consider yourself showered by the one SIL. She sent a “box” of gifts!

I’m not trying to be cold, but everyone has their own ideas about showers. I’d rather celebrate once the baby is born. I’m older than many on this board, but I’ve seen enough to actually contemplate big showers when invites.

Like everyone, your SILs likely need to weigh the benefits of sitting and having lunch with your friends whilst watching you open ten packages of musclin bibs.

Attendance at a party has nothing to do with the life.one relationship they will have with your children.

Why should your other SIL send a gift for a child thatis in theory, in theory?

In this vein, Mostly, your child isn’t born yet. You’re really feeling the shower is about you. Did they attend your wedding? Are you not getting enough attention in general in life?

[Anonymous]

Am I the only one dying to know if OP hosted her own shower? She sounds way too intimately involved in the details.

Maybe the one RSVP got lost or went to junk mail or something. The other DID RSVP, just not in the way you’d like? Or you’re mad she didn’t send a gift too? Maybe she’ll give you one when she sees you? I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not RSPVing means they aren't coming. I would be more annoyed if they said RSVPed no and came and you didn't have enough food.

Are they local?

Yes they’re both local. The one who didn’t RSVP did send a gift but didn’t say anything to me about the shower, at all. The other said she couldn’t come but didn’t send anything for the baby.

I guess it’s just sad to me because these women are all DD will have for aunts in her life once she’s born and neither one has shown interest at all. I just feel it’s rude to not even acknowledge the shower.

Honey, get over it. She will be fine. I have five aunts and they’ve all been nonexistent in my life. I’m fine. My DD doesn’t even have any aunts. She I’ll be fine.

YOU are upset. YOU need to accept this. You want forced and fabricated love from disinterested women for your daughter? You need to ask yourself why.

honey, she said why. She wants loving aunts for her DD. These aren't "disinterested women" they are family so she is right to be upset about what does look to be like selfish people who will not go out of their way for you.

She need not "get over it" but it is information that I would file away for how I interact with them going forward.

There is no DD yet, other than a fetus.

People should have to go out of their way for a fetus that isn’t theirs, and isn’t in danger?

I would go to the ends of the earth for my niece, and have in many ways, including babysitting her for free every weekend, overnights, for more than a year, but I didn’t go to the shower for her. I bought her her (well, two) car seat, bassinet, and a whole bunch of things as my very young brother and his partner could not really afford them. I have been there endlesslyover the years, but I couldn’t attend a single party before she was born. I guess I’m horrible for missing two hours of cake and baby naming games.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one dying to know if OP hosted her own shower? She sounds way too intimately involved in the details.

Maybe the one RSVP got lost or went to junk mail or something. The other DID RSVP, just not in the way you’d like? Or you’re mad she didn’t send a gift too? Maybe she’ll give you one when she sees you? I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.

I asked this too - I think she may have.

[Anonymous]

I think there are a lot of people like OP who are into the "me, me, me". And I think it is very wrong.

OP is collecting RSVP's and planning food for the shower. OP gets acknowledgments from her SIL's about her shower, but doesn't give it back. If one SIL sent her regrets that she would be out-of-town, that is acknowledging the shower. Did you send back a comment that you're sorry she can't make it and she will be missed? The other SIL sent a box of gifts. Did you even send your thanks for the gifts? Seems like you also dropped the ball on courtesy by not acknowledging them.

I go through life appreciating the things that are done for me and my family and not bean-counting what is and is not done for me. There are many people that I do positive and nice things for that don't necessarily reciprocate in kind. I do things not only for the people who do kind things for me, but also for the people I like. I do them because I like them, not because I feel I owe them something and I certainly don't feel someone who I've done a kind turn for, owes me anything. My siblings have double standards. When their children were young and I was single, I was expected to come to visit them and to adhere to their school schedule. Now, years later, I have young children, but they don't come to visit us and they don't really pay attention to our school schedule. Not really something to get bothered over. We go to visit them when we can and we decline things that don't fit our school schedule. Life is too short to have expectations of others and have negative feelings when someone doesn't meet our expectations. I live my life, do good things when I can and appreciate what is done for me. Otherwise, I keep my expectations low for others. My father taught me that when you have time and resources, do things for others. When you don't, others will do things for you. I have been blessed with a wonderful group of friends from many walks of life and different parts of our lives. When we have been in need, someone has popped out and helped us. It isn't always a person who I've helped or done a kind turn to, it may come from the least expected quarter, but often friends step up and help. And when they don't, my spouse and I rely on each other.

I don't carry these times of grudges and I'm much happier for it. I think more people need to stop having expectations of what others are supposed to do for you and just live your lives, and appreciate whatever comes.

[Anonymous]

I bet this is a shower op is hosting herself and this isn't her first child. Tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I bet this is a shower op is hosting herself and this isn't her first child. Tacky.

Even if it IS her first child, you do NOT under any circumstances hold your own shower. Talk about a gift grab! Even the "showers for second babies is okay" people must agree with this!

I have a feeling this is just the tip of the iceberg why OP's SIL's don't like her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m trying to not sound bitter, but my baby shower was this weekend and neither one of my SIL’s came. One texted me to let me know she would be out of town, the other didn’t respond to the invitation at all but did send a big box of stuff for the baby shortly after the invitations went out from the registry.

I’m a little annoyed that my SIL couldn’t even bother to tell me she wasn’t coming. Thankfully my friends and other family members were there, but the silence irritates me. You never know how much food to prepare if people don’t properly RSVP!

Why are you collecting RSVP’s or preparing food. Did YOU host your own shower? Please say you didn’t.

This is what really needs to be discussed. Because if you threw your own shower, OP, what your SILs did or did not do is a total moot point.

[Anonymous]

Op here.

No I’m not throwing my own shower. Technically it’s a “sprinkle”, but I still had a registry. A family member offered to throw one for me and it’s been almost 4 years since my last one, so.

I didn’t think etiquette indicated you had to thank someone right away, isn’t typical etiquette to follow up with a thank you card?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

No I’m not throwing my own shower. Technically it’s a “sprinkle”, but I still had a registry. A family member offered to throw one for me and it’s been almost 4 years since my last one, so.

I didn’t think etiquette indicated you had to thank someone right away, isn’t typical etiquette to follow up with a thank you card?

It’s your 2nd kid. That’s why they don’t care/aren’t coming. Duh.

[Anonymous]

OP, whether your SILs attend your shower or not has nothing to do with their future relationship to your or your kids. Send a nice (and sincere) thank you to the SIL who sent you a gift and please do not spend one additional second brooding over their absence. Hope you had fun with the friends and family members who came. If you go around looking for things to be offended by, you're going to have a rough life...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

No I’m not throwing my own shower. Technically it’s a “sprinkle”, but I still had a registry. A family member offered to throw one for me and it’s been almost 4 years since my last one, so.

I didn’t think etiquette indicated you had to thank someone right away, isn’t typical etiquette to follow up with a thank you card?

It’s your 2nd kid. That’s why they don’t care/aren’t coming. Duh.

+1

And a thank-you card is appropriate, but you are supposed to send it right away. And there's nothing stopping you from also sending a text or calling someone. The fact that you didn't says you're not that close to these people, and the fact that they sent you a bunch of gifts for a second kid is pretty nice on their part.