For the men on here in relationships

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here. I was lying to my wife and had a very close relationship to a few women in my office. Wife started questioning my whereabouts. She used my phone and found some things that weren’t good. She demanded to see my phone and emails. I said no, had everything deleted off my phone and then gave it to her. I don’t like anyone looking at my stuff. It’s private. None of her business.

I suspect you'd think it was your business if your wife had a "very close relationship" to a few men in her office.

And you'd be right.

[Anonymous]

NP here for the first few years of my marriage I never checked on husband and the thought never occurred to me to ever look in phone or email; fast forward a few years and I get a call from a man complaining my husband is having affair with his wife; holy shit, I was floored and surprised; my DH and I have worked through it but he will NEVER be entitled to total privacy again and once the trust is lost it is lost.

My point is the operative part of their question is that DH is not cheating and you are checking anyway; but for anyone who has been betrayed in past by DH even if they are not cheating now I think it would be hard not to check occasionally ;

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP here for the first few years of my marriage I never checked on husband and the thought never occurred to me to ever look in phone or email; fast forward a few years and I get a call from a man complaining my husband is having affair with his wife; holy shit, I was floored and surprised; my DH and I have worked through it but he will NEVER be entitled to total privacy again and once the trust is lost it is lost.

My point is the operative part of their question is that DH is not cheating and you are checking anyway; but for anyone who has been betrayed in past by DH even if they are not cheating now I think it would be hard not to check occasionally ;

LOL!!! That is hilarious. Y'all ain't worked thru jack squat if your respective roles have shifted from husband & wife to ex-con & parole-officer. Sounds like you two have got a wonderful relationship

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here for the first few years of my marriage I never checked on husband and the thought never occurred to me to ever look in phone or email; fast forward a few years and I get a call from a man complaining my husband is having affair with his wife; holy shit, I was floored and surprised; my DH and I have worked through it but he will NEVER be entitled to total privacy again and once the trust is lost it is lost.

My point is the operative part of their question is that DH is not cheating and you are checking anyway; but for anyone who has been betrayed in past by DH even if they are not cheating now I think it would be hard not to check occasionally ;

LOL!!! That is hilarious. Y'all ain't worked thru jack squat if your respective roles have shifted from husband & wife to ex-con & parole-officer. Sounds like you two have got a wonderful relationship

We definitely don’t have a wonderful relationship at all but are tying to make t work as we have kids - thanks for your judjemental value though LOL - we may even consider an open marriage but my point is that once trust is lost you can’t regain it back so easily - my point also is that I would NEVER have thought I would be someone checking emails/phones but be careful thinking you wouldn’t do it - that is pure hubris

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP here for the first few years of my marriage I never checked on husband and the thought never occurred to me to ever look in phone or email; fast forward a few years and I get a call from a man complaining my husband is having affair with his wife; holy shit, I was floored and surprised; my DH and I have worked through it but he will NEVER be entitled to total privacy again and once the trust is lost it is lost.

My point is the operative part of their question is that DH is not cheating and you are checking anyway; but for anyone who has been betrayed in past by DH even if they are not cheating now I think it would be hard not to check occasionally ;

LOL!!! That is hilarious. Y'all ain't worked thru jack squat if your respective roles have shifted from husband & wife to ex-con & parole-officer. Sounds like you two have got a wonderful relationship

We definitely don’t have a wonderful relationship at all but are tying to make t work as we have kids - thanks for your judjemental value though LOL - we may even consider an open marriage but my point is that once trust is lost you can’t regain it back so easily - my point also is that I would NEVER have thought I would be someone checking emails/phones but be careful thinking you wouldn’t do it - that is pure hubris

I agree with you. You were nice enough to give him another chance, goes without saying you will be checking on him. If he has nothing to hide he won't care. Plus why on earth would you care if a spouse looks at your emails or your phone? My spouse can look anytime. Being secretive is a red flag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You MADE IT her business when you lied to her and cheated (at least emotionally) on her. You deserve everything she now gives you, hopefully including a divorce. She has every right to know what’s going on in her own marriage.

Yes. Some of these creeps shouldn't be married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the other people on here thatbif you have done something to cause her to snoop then it’s different. I was checking his phone last year because of a friendship with one of his colleagues in which they were texting all the time, late in the evenings and on weekends. They also spend a lot of time together at work. I had confronted him and he was in complete denial that it was anything inappropriate. She’s also his subordinate, which made it even more inappropriate. Because of his not understanding my point of view I had to make sure he wasn’t continuing the contact.
So yes if you’re doing something that makes her suspicious and you don’t see what’s wrong, then she might be snooping.

Wow. You've completely rationalized your total lack of respect for his privacy.

Not at all. Her husband was having a very inappropriate relationship with another woman. He had no business "texting all the time" to another female.

[Anonymous]

Newsflash men: all women do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash men: all women do this.

Nothing more inaccurate or indicative of sheer ignorance than a broad generalization.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash men: all women do this.

Wrong, I’m a woman and I’ve NEVER done this. And yes, I’ve been cheated on.

You either trust me or GTFO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash men: all women do this.

Wrong. I am a woman. I would never do that. If I felt for one second I needed to snoop, I would end it. If a man tried to do it to me, I would end it.

[Anonymous]

I had an emotional affair during a rough patch in life. (I have written about that before). Basically, marriage issues coupled with bad medical diagnosis (Stage IV cancer). I want to feel young again, and connected up with a woman/girl I had a ONS with when I was 18. Wife found out about it because my iPad sent the messages to the lock screen (while I was not home).

I do have my phone locked but now, she can check it anytime she wants (I now have nothing to hide). She does not check it. (it has been several years).

I can not giver her access to my work computer -- that would be against the rules, and my job would be at risk. But, there is nothing inappropriate on it. I only use it for work. I also have two classified accounts which she does not have access to.

We were in family therapy, and the subject of trust came up. I explained that I can not physically give her access to my JWICS or SIPR accounts.

The old ONS was my mid-life crisis. It is in the past. Furthermore, as I learned more about her, I would not have anything to do with her. I will not share my soul with a MAGA person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash men: all women do this.

Wrong, I’m a woman and I’ve NEVER done this. And yes, I’ve been cheated on.

You either trust me or GTFO.

+1. Once trust is gone, on either side, the relationship is over. I wouldn't stoop to snooping, nor would I put up with being checked up on for one minute.

-Another woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Newsflash men: all women do this.

Wrong. I am a woman. I would never do that. If I felt for one second I needed to snoop, I would end it. If a man tried to do it to me, I would end it.

If people aren’t ending marriages over actual cheating because they’ve been married 15 years have young kids whatever, I don’t think they are running to the divorce lawyer over the spouse checking up if shady/changed behavior x years into the relationship is cheating. Now if this is a surveillance state where all passwords must be shared, all emails and texts are being read and you track all movements just in case something might happen and that’s your normal state - then ah no, we wouldn’t even make it to marriage and having kids together.

[Anonymous]

No, I wouldn't care.