SAHMs: Stop complaining to me about how busy you are

[Anonymous]

I recently listened to a friend complain about how she had so much to do with planning travel, her kids meal planning (no special needs she’s just really into health). I have four kids and work full time and travel a lot. Same with my husband. We do have a full time nanny.

Friend doesn’t work outside the home and kids are school and she has a full time nanny and housekeeper. It just seemed tone deaf

[Anonymous]

I'm a SAHM and my kids are in school. They have ADHD so the 2:45 pm to 8:45 pm shift is exhausting. I actually went back to work and put them in after care for awhile thinking it would help. It helped me to get to go to work, and be able to split things more evenly with dh, but it didn't help the homework situation or evenings at all. The evenings were far worse. So I am back to not working during the day.

Everyone's kids are different - that is something to keep in mind. Some kids are just more challenging. I read on other boards about these middle schoolers who aren't even home until after 6 pm because they have sports (that their parents don't have to drive them to/from!) and then they do their homework with no problems... I am sure the posters aren't lying but... WOW.

Very different from my life.

[Anonymous]

Another parent of an SN kid here and a preschooler and I am literally busy all the time with them. The SN kid's needs never end and we are too broke from therapy to outsource anything. DOn't worry though. I won't complain to you because nobody talks to us in our neighborhood since I'm not in the school clique (my kid does not attend the neighborhood school and my other one is not old enough). Also I've probably don't have time anyway because I have to call insurance to straighten out an EOB issue or billing at Children's or a bunch of new therapy providers to find one for us. And then I have mountains of laundry to do and walls to clean because my SN kid is way way messier than your average kid.

[Anonymous]

Say it to my face and I will tell you that you need to raise your own kid. Come back when your kid is in HS and doing drugs and you have no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently listened to a friend complain about how she had so much to do with planning travel, her kids meal planning (no special needs she’s just really into health). I have four kids and work full time and travel a lot. Same with my husband. We do have a full time nanny.

Friend doesn’t work outside the home and kids are school and she has a full time nanny and housekeeper. It just seemed tone deaf

As does your whining since you have a full time nanny. Honestly just one nanny? And a daily housekeeper? I assume your SAH friend has a full time housekeeper too? Why did you have kids if you are only a vallet to them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not disrespecting your choice...just saying please don't complain to me about how busy you are. My kids are school age, so all of us have child care during the school day. I come home and finish working at home with my kids at home. No nanny. One SAHM could not believe I have to go grocery shopping on the weekends.

School is not a day care, you ignorant troll. Are you the one posting, how dare they close the school for snow?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been a SAH mom and a working mom. I’ve worked both full-time and part-time with young kids. Plus, other than daycare, i. Ever had any hired help (cleaning service ). I find these arguments ridiculous. Both of these positions are hard in their own right. My sweet spot turned out to be a working part time while my kids were in school. I do this so that I can take them to activities and spend time with them after school, and help them with their homework and such. I still have no hired help for anything. Working part time allows me to do everything that I want/need to do, and I’m very lucky that DH and I are able to make it happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, once kids are in school, SAHMs are not as busy as working moms.

So you think. Now that kids are in school, many of us are taking care of aging or ill parents. I thought I would get a break, but I feel busier now than when my kids were little. Maybe because taking care of parents is more stressful and less fun than taking care of children.

Don’t judge what you don’t know.

[Anonymous]

I’ve done both. SAH is in many ways easier once the kids are in school full time. Working is easier when the kids are little and super demanding. Work was a respite! But all of us are busy, we’re all trying to do right by our families, and in this area life is full and hectic. Guess what? It’s not a competition to see who’s busier! Just like it’s not a competition when both people are sad, or sick, or annoyed at their spouses. And as long as women keep tearing each other down, they’re attacking the wrong target. Family-friendly workplaces, family-supportive legislation, and equitable gender roles. That’s what we should be talking about. Not whether SAH Larla has it easier than she claims.

[Anonymous]

I am a mom and I work. I find ANYONE who complains a lot about how busy they are to be incredibly annoying. I find it's usually a way for people to brag about "how much" they are doing to inflate their own sense of self importance. The SAHM's who are "so busy they don't have time to breathe" are the equivalent of office workers who have "so many important things to do" they are frantically running around, working late etc, trying to show how much harder they're working than everyone else. I don't think this is a contest between working moms and stay at home moms...this is more a question of annoying people versus non annoying people.

[Anonymous]

Since we are making silly requests, here is mine:

Can the married working moms of just ONE kid, and school aged at that, stop complaining about how hard the work-life balance is? You have ONE kid and he is at school all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom and I work. I find ANYONE who complains a lot about how busy they are to be incredibly annoying. I find it's usually a way for people to brag about "how much" they are doing to inflate their own sense of self importance. The SAHM's who are "so busy they don't have time to breathe" are the equivalent of office workers who have "so many important things to do" they are frantically running around, working late etc, trying to show how much harder they're working than everyone else. I don't think this is a contest between working moms and stay at home moms...this is more a question of annoying people versus non annoying people.

Same here. In this area especially, everyone says they are sooooo busy. It’s like a contest for who is busiest and it’s stupid.

[Anonymous]

My MIL was a SAHM who was always “so busy” and running late / chaos according to my husband. I see how that was possible because she is so inefficient and bad at managing her time now in retirement.
My own mother is always “so busy” in retirement. I just nod and smile and sometimes say “it’s amazing you ever had time to work”.
Sometimes I am late to preschool drop off and I cross paths with SAHMs who do half-day and they move so slowly, with no apparent regard that other people have places to go. It drives me nuts. No I have never seen a full-day parent allow their toddler to walk by themselves the whole length of the parking lot - in the parking lot instead of moving to the sidewalk.

People fill the time they have. People make time for the things they want to make time for. Happens at work. Happens at home. I do think there is a big difference between SAHMs who had a career that required some project managemt and supervising a staff prior to staying home and those who never worked in an office environment or had other people prioritize their work and set their goals for them. I imagine planning out your day / week is a hard skill to learn on the fly with small kids in the mix.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a mom and I work. I find ANYONE who complains a lot about how busy they are to be incredibly annoying. I find it's usually a way for people to brag about "how much" they are doing to inflate their own sense of self importance. The SAHM's who are "so busy they don't have time to breathe" are the equivalent of office workers who have "so many important things to do" they are frantically running around, working late etc, trying to show how much harder they're working than everyone else. I don't think this is a contest between working moms and stay at home moms...this is more a question of annoying people versus non annoying people.

Same here. In this area especially, everyone says they are sooooo busy. It’s like a contest for who is busiest and it’s stupid.

SAHM of 3 here. I often say I’m tired and say I feel busy. I’m sorry if this bothers you.

DH is a surgeon and never says he is tired although he works long hours operating on people.

I think it is just small talk.

How are you?
I’m tired. My toddler is sick and hasn’t been sleeping well.

How are the kids?
We are so busy. I am dreading soccer and having to go to soccer 5x per week.

Really don’t think it is a competition of who is busier.

[Anonymous]

I think the context is important.

A SAHM of school aged kids. A SAHM of school aged kids with a housekeeper and nanny. A SAHM to young kids. A WOHM with a nanny/childcare. A WOHM with a nanny and house cleaner. A WOHM who works only 40 verse 40+ hours.

And there is always the husband...that's a wild card. Some of us are single parents, some of us have a workaholic husband (who works long hours so we can afford to be a SAHM), some of us husbands but not that "helpful" of a parent, etc.