Pansexual 8th Grader

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, it's trendy. But it's not a big deal. What type of influence are you concerned about this having on your child?

OP here. I'm not sure about what type of influence, just it was so odd for this girl to blurt out (in front of me) while talking to my DD and their other friend that she is a pansexual and all her Valentine's dating plans are "wide open."

In general, my DD is not really into talking about dating, boys, etc. I know she has had "crushes" on male tv characters/celebrities.

Are you sure she wasn't joking? I have an 8th grade daughter whose friends are a wry, sarcastic and quirky bunch. Some are trying out different ideas about their sexual orientations. I can very easily see one of them making a comment like this, and I would have laughed.
Yes, this particular girl may be attention-seeking (or more attention-seeking than most her age), but I am really missing what the big worry is here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I have kid in high school and it seemed like a zillion kids in my kid’s Catholic school middle school were gay, pan, bi, trans, etc. They are kids figuring out who they are and they have a lot more freedom and acceptance to be whatever than many of us did. I smiled and ignored a lot of it. I encourage you to nod and smile. If the girl wants attention, let her seek it. You certainly don’t have to give it and if you express dislike, disapproval, etc., your son may feel the need to defend his friend to you.

Oh, dear. I was hoping that my sending my DD to Catholic school that we would avoid this mess. Is your kid's Catholic school rather progressive overall?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I really appreciate all of the responses. PP, my DD would not want to end the friendship, nor I want to steer her that way.

You are right that the dynamic has changed, in my mind. I guess I am wondering if this friend will develop a crush on my DD. I never really thought about that scenario.

Oh no, a crush! The horror!

Why would that matter to you?

Because their friendship would be over, basically. DD doesn’t have male friends that she hangs out with, only acquaintances at school. She is 13 and kind of still young (as I posted, not interested in dating).

I agree with this. Dating your same-sex friends ruins your closest friendships. Relationships don't last long in middle school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I have kid in high school and it seemed like a zillion kids in my kid’s Catholic school middle school were gay, pan, bi, trans, etc. They are kids figuring out who they are and they have a lot more freedom and acceptance to be whatever than many of us did. I smiled and ignored a lot of it. I encourage you to nod and smile. If the girl wants attention, let her seek it. You certainly don’t have to give it and if you express dislike, disapproval, etc., your son may feel the need to defend his friend to you.

Oh, dear. I was hoping that my sending my DD to Catholic school that we would avoid this mess. Is your kid's Catholic school rather progressive overall?

DP. Why? Don't middle-schoolers in Catholic school go through figuring out who they are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I have kid in high school and it seemed like a zillion kids in my kid’s Catholic school middle school were gay, pan, bi, trans, etc. They are kids figuring out who they are and they have a lot more freedom and acceptance to be whatever than many of us did. I smiled and ignored a lot of it. I encourage you to nod and smile. If the girl wants attention, let her seek it. You certainly don’t have to give it and if you express dislike, disapproval, etc., your son may feel the need to defend his friend to you.

Oh, dear. I was hoping that my sending my DD to Catholic school that we would avoid this mess. Is your kid's Catholic school rather progressive overall?

My Catholic is the same, not progressive just accepting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what OP is really reacting to is the fact this child is inappropriate. I really don’t expect my kids’ tween friends to blurt out information about their sexuality in front of me, period. It’s rude, disrespectful, and clearly being done for a reaction. I don’t care what their sexual preferences are. If they’re looking for a trusted adult to talk to, that’s one thing. Not really seeing how this is different than some tween saying “I like women with big boobs and my schedule’s wide open this V-day!” It’s unnecessary info sharing.

OP has an 8th grader and ought to have a pretty good understanding of the idea that 8th graders often say and do inappropriate things.

I’m the PP you’re responding to. I have a child this age too, so... no sh!t. Yes, they sure do say inappropriate things. There is a spectrum of inappropriate things and most parents would find this super inappropriate. And again, not because it’s related to sexual orientation. That’s fine if it’s witin your comfort zone but many parents wouldn’t feel that way.

Would "My plans for Valentine's Day are wide open!" be super inappropriate if the assumption were that OP's daughter's friend was talking about boys?

It’s not something that needs to be addressed at all. You’re actually making my point. Just say “My plans are wide open!” It doesn’t matter who with. Wouldn’t it sound strange to say “My plans are wide open this Vday for boys!” I assume some of my kids friends identify in other ways, mine did in high school so by saying “My plans are wide open!” I also wouldn’t assume that meant just for boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I have kid in high school and it seemed like a zillion kids in my kid’s Catholic school middle school were gay, pan, bi, trans, etc. They are kids figuring out who they are and they have a lot more freedom and acceptance to be whatever than many of us did. I smiled and ignored a lot of it. I encourage you to nod and smile. If the girl wants attention, let her seek it. You certainly don’t have to give it and if you express dislike, disapproval, etc., your son may feel the need to defend his friend to you.

Oh, dear. I was hoping that my sending my DD to Catholic school that we would avoid this mess. Is your kid's Catholic school rather progressive overall?

DP. Why? Don't middle-schoolers in Catholic school go through figuring out who they are?

I went to Catholic middle school and I never wondered if I was pansexual. I guess I was hoping that Catholic school kids wouldn't have all of these choices in their faces all of the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I have kid in high school and it seemed like a zillion kids in my kid’s Catholic school middle school were gay, pan, bi, trans, etc. They are kids figuring out who they are and they have a lot more freedom and acceptance to be whatever than many of us did. I smiled and ignored a lot of it. I encourage you to nod and smile. If the girl wants attention, let her seek it. You certainly don’t have to give it and if you express dislike, disapproval, etc., your son may feel the need to defend his friend to you.

Oh, dear. I was hoping that my sending my DD to Catholic school that we would avoid this mess. Is your kid's Catholic school rather progressive overall?

DP. Why? Don't middle-schoolers in Catholic school go through figuring out who they are?

I went to Catholic middle school and I never wondered if I was pansexual. I guess I was hoping that Catholic school kids wouldn't have all of these choices in their faces all of the time.

It hadn't been invented yet. But now it's 2019, even at Catholic school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what OP is really reacting to is the fact this child is inappropriate. I really don’t expect my kids’ tween friends to blurt out information about their sexuality in front of me, period. It’s rude, disrespectful, and clearly being done for a reaction. I don’t care what their sexual preferences are. If they’re looking for a trusted adult to talk to, that’s one thing. Not really seeing how this is different than some tween saying “I like women with big boobs and my schedule’s wide open this V-day!” It’s unnecessary info sharing.

OP has an 8th grader and ought to have a pretty good understanding of the idea that 8th graders often say and do inappropriate things.

I’m the PP you’re responding to. I have a child this age too, so... no sh!t. Yes, they sure do say inappropriate things. There is a spectrum of inappropriate things and most parents would find this super inappropriate. And again, not because it’s related to sexual orientation. That’s fine if it’s witin your comfort zone but many parents wouldn’t feel that way.

Would "My plans for Valentine's Day are wide open!" be super inappropriate if the assumption were that OP's daughter's friend was talking about boys?

It’s not something that needs to be addressed at all. You’re actually making my point. Just say “My plans are wide open!” It doesn’t matter who with. Wouldn’t it sound strange to say “My plans are wide open this Vday for boys!” I assume some of my kids friends identify in other ways, mine did in high school so by saying “My plans are wide open!” I also wouldn’t assume that meant just for boys.

You're saying that it's inappropriate to specify the gender(s) of the people you might be interested in for Valentine's Day? Because everybody just assumes that anybody might be interested in anybody? Not in my experience, everybody doesn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what OP is really reacting to is the fact this child is inappropriate. I really don’t expect my kids’ tween friends to blurt out information about their sexuality in front of me, period. It’s rude, disrespectful, and clearly being done for a reaction. I don’t care what their sexual preferences are. If they’re looking for a trusted adult to talk to, that’s one thing. Not really seeing how this is different than some tween saying “I like women with big boobs and my schedule’s wide open this V-day!” It’s unnecessary info sharing.

OP has an 8th grader and ought to have a pretty good understanding of the idea that 8th graders often say and do inappropriate things.

I’m the PP you’re responding to. I have a child this age too, so... no sh!t. Yes, they sure do say inappropriate things. There is a spectrum of inappropriate things and most parents would find this super inappropriate. And again, not because it’s related to sexual orientation. That’s fine if it’s witin your comfort zone but many parents wouldn’t feel that way.

Would "My plans for Valentine's Day are wide open!" be super inappropriate if the assumption were that OP's daughter's friend was talking about boys?

It’s not something that needs to be addressed at all. You’re actually making my point. Just say “My plans are wide open!” It doesn’t matter who with. Wouldn’t it sound strange to say “My plans are wide open this Vday for boys!” I assume some of my kids friends identify in other ways, mine did in high school so by saying “My plans are wide open!” I also wouldn’t assume that meant just for boys.

You're saying that it's inappropriate to specify the gender(s) of the people you might be interested in for Valentine's Day? Because everybody just assumes that anybody might be interested in anybody? Not in my experience, everybody doesn't.

That’s not what I’m saying, but you obviously have some agenda you seem pretty determined to push. I’ve made my position pretty clear on the context of this particular situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what OP is really reacting to is the fact this child is inappropriate. I really don’t expect my kids’ tween friends to blurt out information about their sexuality in front of me, period. It’s rude, disrespectful, and clearly being done for a reaction. I don’t care what their sexual preferences are. If they’re looking for a trusted adult to talk to, that’s one thing. Not really seeing how this is different than some tween saying “I like women with big boobs and my schedule’s wide open this V-day!” It’s unnecessary info sharing.

OP has an 8th grader and ought to have a pretty good understanding of the idea that 8th graders often say and do inappropriate things.

I’m the PP you’re responding to. I have a child this age too, so... no sh!t. Yes, they sure do say inappropriate things. There is a spectrum of inappropriate things and most parents would find this super inappropriate. And again, not because it’s related to sexual orientation. That’s fine if it’s witin your comfort zone but many parents wouldn’t feel that way.

Would "My plans for Valentine's Day are wide open!" be super inappropriate if the assumption were that OP's daughter's friend was talking about boys?

It’s not something that needs to be addressed at all. You’re actually making my point. Just say “My plans are wide open!” It doesn’t matter who with. Wouldn’t it sound strange to say “My plans are wide open this Vday for boys!” I assume some of my kids friends identify in other ways, mine did in high school so by saying “My plans are wide open!” I also wouldn’t assume that meant just for boys.

You're saying that it's inappropriate to specify the gender(s) of the people you might be interested in for Valentine's Day? Because everybody just assumes that anybody might be interested in anybody? Not in my experience, everybody doesn't.

That’s not what I’m saying, but you obviously have some agenda you seem pretty determined to push. I’ve made my position pretty clear on the context of this particular situation.

I'm the PP you're responding to, and I honestly don't understand what you're saying. It's inappropriate to talk about your plans for Valentine's Day because...?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else think it is hysterical that an 8th grader stated her “V Day plans are wide open”? I think I would have burst out laughing.

+1 lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what OP is really reacting to is the fact this child is inappropriate. I really don’t expect my kids’ tween friends to blurt out information about their sexuality in front of me, period. It’s rude, disrespectful, and clearly being done for a reaction. I don’t care what their sexual preferences are. If they’re looking for a trusted adult to talk to, that’s one thing. Not really seeing how this is different than some tween saying “I like women with big boobs and my schedule’s wide open this V-day!” It’s unnecessary info sharing.

OP has an 8th grader and ought to have a pretty good understanding of the idea that 8th graders often say and do inappropriate things.

I’m the PP you’re responding to. I have a child this age too, so... no sh!t. Yes, they sure do say inappropriate things. There is a spectrum of inappropriate things and most parents would find this super inappropriate. And again, not because it’s related to sexual orientation. That’s fine if it’s witin your comfort zone but many parents wouldn’t feel that way.

Would "My plans for Valentine's Day are wide open!" be super inappropriate if the assumption were that OP's daughter's friend was talking about boys?

It’s not something that needs to be addressed at all. You’re actually making my point. Just say “My plans are wide open!” It doesn’t matter who with. Wouldn’t it sound strange to say “My plans are wide open this Vday for boys!” I assume some of my kids friends identify in other ways, mine did in high school so by saying “My plans are wide open!” I also wouldn’t assume that meant just for boys.

You're saying that it's inappropriate to specify the gender(s) of the people you might be interested in for Valentine's Day? Because everybody just assumes that anybody might be interested in anybody? Not in my experience, everybody doesn't.

That’s not what I’m saying, but you obviously have some agenda you seem pretty determined to push. I’ve made my position pretty clear on the context of this particular situation.

I'm the PP you're responding to, and I honestly don't understand what you're saying. It's inappropriate to talk about your plans for Valentine's Day because...?

How are you getting from that exchange that she’s discussing Valentine’s Day plans?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

How are you getting from that exchange that she’s discussing Valentine’s Day plans?

Here's the OP:

OP here. I'm not sure about what type of influence, just it was so odd for this girl to blurt out (in front of me) while talking to my DD and their other friend that she is a pansexual and all her Valentine's dating plans are "wide open."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

How are you getting from that exchange that she’s discussing Valentine’s Day plans?

Here's the OP:

OP here. I'm not sure about what type of influence, just it was so odd for this girl to blurt out (in front of me) while talking to my DD and their other friend that she is a pansexual and all her Valentine's dating plans are "wide open."

Right. So, how are you getting from that that she's discussing Valentine's Day plans?