Pansexual 8th Grader

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of my DD's best friends (female) just announced that she is a pansexual. The friend has displayed a lot of narcissistic/dramatic tendencies in the past, but I am at a loss for this recent sexual-orientation announcement. I am trying to understand this sexual orientation and read this thread on a 6th grade pansexual student:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/679191.page


Not sure what I am asking, but my DD is a bit impressionable and I worry about this other child's influence on her regarding this issue. Is pansexuality kind of "trendy" right now? I am open-minded to young adults embracing their sexuality, but I have honestly never encountered anyone of this orientation.

I looked it up- I'm old but open minded. I can't figure out the difference between pansexual and bisexual, except maybe it's more gender fluid? I have a MS boy- when it comes to his friends, I'm more concerned about behavior. It doesn't matter to me how other kids identify, and it's good for DS to have a variety of friends- I just don't want him hanging out with kids who are encouraging him down destructive paths of promiscuity, drugs, school failure, etc.
I'm reading between the lines that you may not consider the friend's personality/attention seeking issues and pansexuality announcement to be mutually exclusive? I would think about on that one- you might not be as open minded as you think- or you think the other girl is manipulative, wants attention and drama, and you are skeptical about whether she is truly "pansexual." If it is the latter, advise your DD to be low key and not give it much attention.

OP here. Yes, you have expressed my feelings with the bolded.

How is it relevant to you whether your daughter's friend is "truly pansexual" or just wants attention and drama?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid's friend's sexual orientation has ZERO impact on you.

Maybe she's being dramatic, or maybe she's articulating her sexual orientation.

Either way, butt out. Also, consider that you're not as tolerant as you think you are.

OP here. I know this is anonymous forum, and I know there is no way to prove my tolerance. My best friend and nephew are both gay, and our church has openly gay and lesbian leaders. As a PP indicated which I agreed to, I am most concerned that this girl's dramatic tendencies, which I have witnessed and heard through my DD.

[Anonymous]

Just ignore it.

Like 95% of all the other self declared bi/whatever/insert name of fashionable sexuality here, she'll turn out to be a boring old straight woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid's friend's sexual orientation has ZERO impact on you.

Maybe she's being dramatic, or maybe she's articulating her sexual orientation.

Either way, butt out. Also, consider that you're not as tolerant as you think you are.

OP here. I know this is anonymous forum, and I know there is no way to prove my tolerance. My best friend and nephew are both gay, and our church has openly gay and lesbian leaders. As a PP indicated which I agreed to, I am most concerned that this girl's dramatic tendencies, which I have witnessed and heard through my DD.

If you were concerned about her dramatic tendencies, you would have said... DD's dramatic friend talks about going to Harvard and she can hardly maintain a B average or some other dramatic talk.

How about all the other 8th graders talking about 'boyfriend" ... nothing more dramatic than a cis 8th grader and dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid's friend's sexual orientation has ZERO impact on you.

Maybe she's being dramatic, or maybe she's articulating her sexual orientation.

Either way, butt out. Also, consider that you're not as tolerant as you think you are.

OP here. I know this is anonymous forum, and I know there is no way to prove my tolerance. My best friend and nephew are both gay, and our church has openly gay and lesbian leaders. As a PP indicated which I agreed to, I am most concerned that this girl's dramatic tendencies, which I have witnessed and heard through my DD.

If you were concerned about her dramatic tendencies, you would have said... DD's dramatic friend talks about going to Harvard and she can hardly maintain a B average or some other dramatic talk.

How about all the other 8th graders talking about 'boyfriend" ... nothing more dramatic than a cis 8th grader and dating.

Yes, I guess you are right. I did write upthread that my DD is not interested in dating yet, nor would we support her dating anyone yet.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for this chain. My 7th grader just tried to explain to me that if you're pan sexual, you are attracted to objects not people . . . I guess he's got it wrong. It's a free but confusing world to keep up with! But I love how accepting the kids in MS and HS are in our area. As my HS DD says "you do you" is the overwhelming sentiment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid's friend's sexual orientation has ZERO impact on you.

Maybe she's being dramatic, or maybe she's articulating her sexual orientation.

Either way, butt out. Also, consider that you're not as tolerant as you think you are.

OP here. I know this is anonymous forum, and I know there is no way to prove my tolerance. My best friend and nephew are both gay, and our church has openly gay and lesbian leaders. As a PP indicated which I agreed to, I am most concerned that this girl's dramatic tendencies, which I have witnessed and heard through my DD.

pp here- I kind of get where you're coming from- someone asked why it's relevant if she's doing it for attention or if she truly believes this is who she is. It is relevant because it changes the dynamic. In short, if OP's DD decides this girl is too dramatic and narcissistic to be friends with, and ends the friendship for those reasons, and after the pansexual announcement- how do you think the friend is going to characterize that, especially since she may be looking for attention and an opportunity to play the victim?
The best thing OP's DD can do for self preservation, is give this minimal attention and neutral comments to see if it sticks or fades, then end the friendship later when it's not a hot topic.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I really appreciate all of the responses. PP, my DD would not want to end the friendship, nor I want to steer her that way.

You are right that the dynamic has changed, in my mind. I guess I am wondering if this friend will develop a crush on my DD. I never really thought about that scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I really appreciate all of the responses. PP, my DD would not want to end the friendship, nor I want to steer her that way.

You are right that the dynamic has changed, in my mind. I guess I am wondering if this friend will develop a crush on my DD. I never really thought about that scenario.

In 3 years you are going to wish this was your biggest worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I really appreciate all of the responses. PP, my DD would not want to end the friendship, nor I want to steer her that way.

You are right that the dynamic has changed, in my mind. I guess I am wondering if this friend will develop a crush on my DD. I never really thought about that scenario.

Oh no, a crush! The horror!

Why would that matter to you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I really appreciate all of the responses. PP, my DD would not want to end the friendship, nor I want to steer her that way.

You are right that the dynamic has changed, in my mind. I guess I am wondering if this friend will develop a crush on my DD. I never really thought about that scenario.

pp here- well, that's an easier dilemma to solve. Just teach your DD to decline with grace- the same way that you would teach her to gently let down a boy who is interested, when it's not mutual. FWIW, our friends who are gay or bisexual have never shown any romantic interest in us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I really appreciate all of the responses. PP, my DD would not want to end the friendship, nor I want to steer her that way.

You are right that the dynamic has changed, in my mind. I guess I am wondering if this friend will develop a crush on my DD. I never really thought about that scenario.

pp here- well, that's an easier dilemma to solve. Just teach your DD to decline with grace- the same way that you would teach her to gently let down a boy who is interested, when it's not mutual. FWIW, our friends who are gay or bisexual have never shown any romantic interest in us

Yeah, OP is engaging in that bigoted tendency to assume that just because someone *can* be attracted to you, they automatically will be.

[Anonymous]

Does anyone else think it is hysterical that an 8th grader stated her “V Day plans are wide open”? I think I would have burst out laughing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I really appreciate all of the responses. PP, my DD would not want to end the friendship, nor I want to steer her that way.

You are right that the dynamic has changed, in my mind. I guess I am wondering if this friend will develop a crush on my DD. I never really thought about that scenario.

Oh no, a crush! The horror!

Why would that matter to you?

Because their friendship would be over, basically. DD doesn’t have male friends that she hangs out with, only acquaintances at school. She is 13 and kind of still young (as I posted, not interested in dating).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:teach your child about self-respect, consent, disease, and pregnancy and leave her friends out of it

+1 this is what matters. It is unlikely that she will catch pan-sexuality just from being exposed to it - unless it's something that really speaks to her..