Pansexual 8th Grader

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I really appreciate all of the responses. PP, my DD would not want to end the friendship, nor I want to steer her that way.

You are right that the dynamic has changed, in my mind. I guess I am wondering if this friend will develop a crush on my DD. I never really thought about that scenario.

pp here- well, that's an easier dilemma to solve. Just teach your DD to decline with grace- the same way that you would teach her to gently let down a boy who is interested, when it's not mutual. FWIW, our friends who are gay or bisexual have never shown any romantic interest in us

Yeah, OP is engaging in that bigoted tendency to assume that just because someone *can* be attracted to you, they automatically will be.

OP here. Yes, I understand this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I really appreciate all of the responses. PP, my DD would not want to end the friendship, nor I want to steer her that way.

You are right that the dynamic has changed, in my mind. I guess I am wondering if this friend will develop a crush on my DD. I never really thought about that scenario.

This is something that girls have to deal with more often than boys, regardless of whether it's another girl or boy who has the crush. Sucks to have to set limits with friends who have crushes but consider that this is the beginning of a long developmental process that girls go through - setting limits with people who want more from you than you want to give. If it happens, it won't be the last time she'll have to do that.

On another note, OP, it strikes me that the narcissism is really what's at issue here regardless of whether the kid announced she was pan sexual or not. Your daughter knows that she doesn't have to put up with that, right, regardless of the other kid's sexuality?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I really appreciate all of the responses. PP, my DD would not want to end the friendship, nor I want to steer her that way.

You are right that the dynamic has changed, in my mind. I guess I am wondering if this friend will develop a crush on my DD. I never really thought about that scenario.

This is something that girls have to deal with more often than boys, regardless of whether it's another girl or boy who has the crush. Sucks to have to set limits with friends who have crushes but consider that this is the beginning of a long developmental process that girls go through - setting limits with people who want more from you than you want to give. If it happens, it won't be the last time she'll have to do that.

On another note, OP, it strikes me that the narcissism is really what's at issue here regardless of whether the kid announced she was pan sexual or not. Your daughter knows that she doesn't have to put up with that, right, regardless of the other kid's sexuality?

OP here. Yes, I have talked to my DD about dealing with the narcissism in her friend, who tries to manipulate conversations back to her and wedge some of the friends in their group. She also dumps my DD when other friends (who my DD does not know) from her extracurricular activity are around. My DD is not really savvy in these interactions and let's her friend kind of control the conversations, at least the ones I am privy to when driving them somewhere. I am working with her to speak up more for herself.

As I said in my OP, my DD is impressionable and really wants to be friends with this other girl. I have tried to support their friendship and will continue to do so.

[Anonymous]

"Hi, I'm PanSexual."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I really appreciate all of the responses. PP, my DD would not want to end the friendship, nor I want to steer her that way.

You are right that the dynamic has changed, in my mind. I guess I am wondering if this friend will develop a crush on my DD. I never really thought about that scenario.

pp here- well, that's an easier dilemma to solve. Just teach your DD to decline with grace- the same way that you would teach her to gently let down a boy who is interested, when it's not mutual. FWIW, our friends who are gay or bisexual have never shown any romantic interest in us

Yeah, OP is engaging in that bigoted tendency to assume that just because someone *can* be attracted to you, they automatically will be.

That's not bigotry, that's narcissism.

[Anonymous]

I think what OP is really reacting to is the fact this child is inappropriate. I really don’t expect my kids’ tween friends to blurt out information about their sexuality in front of me, period. It’s rude, disrespectful, and clearly being done for a reaction. I don’t care what their sexual preferences are. If they’re looking for a trusted adult to talk to, that’s one thing. Not really seeing how this is different than some tween saying “I like women with big boobs and my schedule’s wide open this V-day!” It’s unnecessary info sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I really appreciate all of the responses. PP, my DD would not want to end the friendship, nor I want to steer her that way.

You are right that the dynamic has changed, in my mind. I guess I am wondering if this friend will develop a crush on my DD. I never really thought about that scenario.

pp here- well, that's an easier dilemma to solve. Just teach your DD to decline with grace- the same way that you would teach her to gently let down a boy who is interested, when it's not mutual. FWIW, our friends who are gay or bisexual have never shown any romantic interest in us

You're assuming that OP's DD would not have reciprocal feelings and that is exactly OP's worry.

I don't get the whole overly dramatic thing. Personally, I think that people with big dramatic personalities can be really fun to have in your life. It's not like this sort of "drama", as OP labels it, is negative or harmful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think what OP is really reacting to is the fact this child is inappropriate. I really don’t expect my kids’ tween friends to blurt out information about their sexuality in front of me, period. It’s rude, disrespectful, and clearly being done for a reaction. I don’t care what their sexual preferences are. If they’re looking for a trusted adult to talk to, that’s one thing. Not really seeing how this is different than some tween saying “I like women with big boobs and my schedule’s wide open this V-day!” It’s unnecessary info sharing.

Totally. A girl in my 7th grade son’s class told him she was pansexual out of the blue when they had barely spoken before. That was the first of many TMI moments she was involved in throughout the year. Inappropriate in that context and attention seeking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I really appreciate all of the responses. PP, my DD would not want to end the friendship, nor I want to steer her that way.

You are right that the dynamic has changed, in my mind. I guess I am wondering if this friend will develop a crush on my DD. I never really thought about that scenario.

pp here- well, that's an easier dilemma to solve. Just teach your DD to decline with grace- the same way that you would teach her to gently let down a boy who is interested, when it's not mutual. FWIW, our friends who are gay or bisexual have never shown any romantic interest in us

Yeah, OP is engaging in that bigoted tendency to assume that just because someone *can* be attracted to you, they automatically will be.

That's not bigotry, that's narcissism.

It's really both. The bigotry comes in because it's a common homophobic trope to assume people who are not straight are hypersexual and will be attracted to anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's seeking attention. It's another, more trendy, way of saying bisexual. Bisexual covers all the necessary bases.

"Apparently" the pan part is inclusive of gender fluid attraction. So I suppose people who don't psychologically think they have a defined gender, your daughter might want to date one of those too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think what OP is really reacting to is the fact this child is inappropriate. I really don’t expect my kids’ tween friends to blurt out information about their sexuality in front of me, period. It’s rude, disrespectful, and clearly being done for a reaction. I don’t care what their sexual preferences are. If they’re looking for a trusted adult to talk to, that’s one thing. Not really seeing how this is different than some tween saying “I like women with big boobs and my schedule’s wide open this V-day!” It’s unnecessary info sharing.

OP has an 8th grader and ought to have a pretty good understanding of the idea that 8th graders often say and do inappropriate things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of my DD's best friends (female) just announced that she is a pansexual. The friend has displayed a lot of narcissistic/dramatic tendencies in the past, but I am at a loss for this recent sexual-orientation announcement. I am trying to understand this sexual orientation and read this thread on a 6th grade pansexual student:

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/679191.page


Not sure what I am asking, but my DD is a bit impressionable and I worry about this other child's influence on her regarding this issue. Is pansexuality kind of "trendy" right now? I am open-minded to young adults embracing their sexuality, but I have honestly never encountered anyone of this orientation.

Me thinks you are the narcissistic/dramatic one. You literally made a thread about a MAYBE 14 year old child who is not your own...why if not for the drama?

Shame on you OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what OP is really reacting to is the fact this child is inappropriate. I really don’t expect my kids’ tween friends to blurt out information about their sexuality in front of me, period. It’s rude, disrespectful, and clearly being done for a reaction. I don’t care what their sexual preferences are. If they’re looking for a trusted adult to talk to, that’s one thing. Not really seeing how this is different than some tween saying “I like women with big boobs and my schedule’s wide open this V-day!” It’s unnecessary info sharing.

OP has an 8th grader and ought to have a pretty good understanding of the idea that 8th graders often say and do inappropriate things.

I’m the PP you’re responding to. I have a child this age too, so... no sh!t. Yes, they sure do say inappropriate things. There is a spectrum of inappropriate things and most parents would find this super inappropriate. And again, not because it’s related to sexual orientation. That’s fine if it’s witin your comfort zone but many parents wouldn’t feel that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think what OP is really reacting to is the fact this child is inappropriate. I really don’t expect my kids’ tween friends to blurt out information about their sexuality in front of me, period. It’s rude, disrespectful, and clearly being done for a reaction. I don’t care what their sexual preferences are. If they’re looking for a trusted adult to talk to, that’s one thing. Not really seeing how this is different than some tween saying “I like women with big boobs and my schedule’s wide open this V-day!” It’s unnecessary info sharing.

OP has an 8th grader and ought to have a pretty good understanding of the idea that 8th graders often say and do inappropriate things.

I’m the PP you’re responding to. I have a child this age too, so... no sh!t. Yes, they sure do say inappropriate things. There is a spectrum of inappropriate things and most parents would find this super inappropriate. And again, not because it’s related to sexual orientation. That’s fine if it’s witin your comfort zone but many parents wouldn’t feel that way.

Would "My plans for Valentine's Day are wide open!" be super inappropriate if the assumption were that OP's daughter's friend was talking about boys?

[Anonymous]

Mom of a 7th grader here. So many of the girls she knows are claiming a label to help with all of the confusion generally surrounding sexuality when you are 13. She has 3 friends who have recently come out as transgender, and she has decided she is "abrosexual". Apparently that's a fancy term for confused. . She says she is sometimes bisexual and sometimes pansexual -- god only knows. I try to be very low-key about it, but accidentally made one too many analogies which in her my mind completely obliterated her pansexual "identity". Oy vey. I'll be over in the corner, with the 1.5 liter bottle of wine, until she gets to high school.