God grant me patience and peace today -- we're separating in a week or so

[Anonymous]

OP, you’re really worrying me. You post every day. Pour that time and energy into doing something healthy. This is not good for you or your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I got good leverage in my divorce by threatening to involve the other spouse. I threatened to call the AP as a witness. Suffice to say, my cheater was VERY inclined to be cooperative.

+1. Evidence about the affair is worthless in court, but often very useful in custody negotiations. I was able to force my DH to leave the house in a matter of days and give me full custody by confronting him with evidence of cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you’re really worrying me. You post every day. Pour that time and energy into doing something healthy. This is not good for you or your kids.

Op has posted a few times over the past few days. His posts have been reasonable and the number of his posts has been reasonable. If he needs to continue posting a few times, or if he decided to increase his posts by a lot, why can’t you let him do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you’re really worrying me. You post every day. Pour that time and energy into doing something healthy. This is not good for you or your kids.

Op has posted a few times over the past few days. His posts have been reasonable and the number of his posts has been reasonable. If he needs to continue posting a few times, or if he decided to increase his posts by a lot, why can’t you let him do that?

Maybe only four new threads in the past week, but that’s still a lot for a situation that he ultimately can’t control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I got good leverage in my divorce by threatening to involve the other spouse. I threatened to call the AP as a witness. Suffice to say, my cheater was VERY inclined to be cooperative.

+1. Evidence about the affair is worthless in court, but often very useful in custody negotiations. I was able to force my DH to leave the house in a matter of days and give me full custody by confronting him with evidence of cheating.

Because your DH was an idiot. He would have gotten 50/50 even if you’d dragged the OW into court. More likely, he didn’t want custody, but will let the kids think you bullied him out of their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you’re really worrying me. You post every day. Pour that time and energy into doing something healthy. This is not good for you or your kids.

Op has posted a few times over the past few days. His posts have been reasonable and the number of his posts has been reasonable. If he needs to continue posting a few times, or if he decided to increase his posts by a lot, why can’t you let him do that?

Maybe only four new threads in the past week, but that’s still a lot for a situation that he ultimately can’t control.

OP here. This is the only thread I have started. I have replied a few times here and identified myself.

Why are you so anxious to moderate me? You got it wrong.

[Anonymous]

OP , feel free to post as much as you want. I don't understand why some people feel the need to monitor how often someone posts. Obviously they are not enjoying the holidays with their family .
I did want to mention an excellent place to go for someone in your situation . It's survivinginfidelity.com it has forums and a healing library. It helped me when I was going through this same situation .

[Anonymous]

I mean how many DH’s with cheating wives who hired PI’s to “help with custody” could there be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean how many DH’s with cheating wives who hired PI’s to “help with custody” could there be?

OP here. My reasons for hiring a PI have nothing to do with custody. I expect 50/50. It has to do with alimony. I do not wish to pay her alimony for the rest of her life since she cheated. My lawyer said I was at risk for that. She is capable of earning and will need to do so. Also, I can file for at-fault and be done in a year instead of having it drag out for two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you’re really worrying me. You post every day. Pour that time and energy into doing something healthy. This is not good for you or your kids.

Op has posted a few times over the past few days. His posts have been reasonable and the number of his posts has been reasonable. If he needs to continue posting a few times, or if he decided to increase his posts by a lot, why can’t you let him do that?

Maybe only four new threads in the past week, but that’s still a lot for a situation that he ultimately can’t control.

If my marriage were breaking up over Christmas because my spouse cheated, damn straight I’d be posting about it on here multiple times. You need to vent and get perspective, and sometimes when you’re just miserable and sad, posting about it can help you feel better. DCUM can be great for that.

OP, my wish for you is that one year from today you’ll be looking forward to 2020 with optimism and happiness. The next year will be tough, but keep your eye on the long game. You are shedding a relationship that no longer works and a spouse who has demonstrated she’s not worthy of your trust and love. You can get through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you’re really worrying me. You post every day. Pour that time and energy into doing something healthy. This is not good for you or your kids.

Op has posted a few times over the past few days. His posts have been reasonable and the number of his posts has been reasonable. If he needs to continue posting a few times, or if he decided to increase his posts by a lot, why can’t you let him do that?

Maybe only four new threads in the past week, but that’s still a lot for a situation that he ultimately can’t control.

If my marriage were breaking up over Christmas because my spouse cheated, damn straight I’d be posting about it on here multiple times. You need to vent and get perspective, and sometimes when you’re just miserable and sad, posting about it can help you feel better. DCUM can be great for that.

OP, my wish for you is that one year from today you’ll be looking forward to 2020 with optimism and happiness. The next year will be tough, but keep your eye on the long game. You are shedding a relationship that no longer works and a spouse who has demonstrated she’s not worthy of your trust and love. You can get through this.

Wasn’t OP already planning a split once there was an empty nest?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's Christmas morning.

We agreed two weeks ago to separate in January. Since that agreement I have discovered her affair and many intimate and painful details about it. She doesn't know that I know. I am trying to keep it together on Christmas morning. She was a pill on Christmas Eve all day -- moody, clearly pining for OM. I forced myself to be cheerful and upbeat. But it's going to be bittersweet today, our last Christmas as an intact family (and, no, we won't be reconciling).

The kids are older -- 14 and 16 -- so we were due for change anyway. But their worlds are about to be turned upside down. I'm sad for them.

Be strong

Warm wet vagina cures everything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you’re really worrying me. You post every day. Pour that time and energy into doing something healthy. This is not good for you or your kids.

Op has posted a few times over the past few days. His posts have been reasonable and the number of his posts has been reasonable. If he needs to continue posting a few times, or if he decided to increase his posts by a lot, why can’t you let him do that?

Maybe only four new threads in the past week, but that’s still a lot for a situation that he ultimately can’t control.

OP here. This is the only thread I have started. I have replied a few times here and identified myself.

Why are you so anxious to moderate me? You got it wrong.

Because men aren’t supposed to have feelings apparently.
PP - quit it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's Christmas morning.

We agreed two weeks ago to separate in January. Since that agreement I have discovered her affair and many intimate and painful details about it. She doesn't know that I know. I am trying to keep it together on Christmas morning. She was a pill on Christmas Eve all day -- moody, clearly pining for OM. I forced myself to be cheerful and upbeat. But it's going to be bittersweet today, our last Christmas as an intact family (and, no, we won't be reconciling).

The kids are older -- 14 and 16 -- so we were due for change anyway. But their worlds are about to be turned upside down. I'm sad for them.

Be strong

Warm wet vagina cures everything

I think that he’s a decent fellow who is thinking of his kids, actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean how many DH’s with cheating wives who hired PI’s to “help with custody” could there be?

OP here. My reasons for hiring a PI have nothing to do with custody. I expect 50/50. It has to do with alimony. I do not wish to pay her alimony for the rest of her life since she cheated. My lawyer said I was at risk for that. She is capable of earning and will need to do so. Also, I can file for at-fault and be done in a year instead of having it drag out for two.

Fingers crossed.