God grant me patience and peace today -- we're separating in a week or so

[Anonymous]

It's Christmas morning.

We agreed two weeks ago to separate in January. Since that agreement I have discovered her affair and many intimate and painful details about it. She doesn't know that I know. I am trying to keep it together on Christmas morning. She was a pill on Christmas Eve all day -- moody, clearly pining for OM. I forced myself to be cheerful and upbeat. But it's going to be bittersweet today, our last Christmas as an intact family (and, no, we won't be reconciling).

The kids are older -- 14 and 16 -- so we were due for change anyway. But their worlds are about to be turned upside down. I'm sad for them.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry. How did you find out?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. I was there a few years ago. Still separated.

I know it's very hard and today will suck. But you are showing your children they can rely on you. It's a worthy feat.

[Anonymous]

I don't usually post but....just focus on your last Christmas with the kids as the whole family. I've dreaded the whole day as DH is just not going to keep his trap shut and is his Petty and sarcastic self.....can't even do that for the sake of Xmas.

Just know that you are not alone.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry. I was there a few years ago. Still separated.

I know it's very hard and today will suck. But you are showing your children they can rely on you. It's a worthy feat.

+ 100 someone has to be the loving, dependable adult

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry. How did you find out?

She didn’t cover her tracks nearly as well as she thought. Then I got into their WhatsApp chats. I know when, where and have hired a private investigator to prove it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry. How did you find out?

She didn’t cover her tracks nearly as well as she thought. Then I got into their WhatsApp chats. I know when, where and have hired a private investigator to prove it.

Try not to get too wrapped up in her having an affair. What's done is done. Try to enjoy what you can today with your kids.

[Anonymous]

Focus on your kids and be good to yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry. How did you find out?

She didn’t cover her tracks nearly as well as she thought. Then I got into their WhatsApp chats. I know when, where and have hired a private investigator to prove it.

Hard proof that can't be gas-lighted away is extremely important.

[Anonymous]

No matter who is in your family, it is always whole and intact. The most important thing is that it a healthy family. . . And you are moving toward that dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the boys will be happier if there has been tension anyway. Theyre teens so at least they can’t be forced to shuttle between homes.
Sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

I also split with my ex due to his cheating, at Xmas time. It sucked. Nonetheless, time does heal - I'm allowing him to come over here this morning to deliver presents and watch the kids open them. If I could get there, so can you. Just remember that their cheating is not about you. There is something terribly wrong with a person who would do that to their own family. There's a hole in her soul you can't fill. Be glad you are being freed from her.

Someday she'll likely regret it. I know my ex does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry. How did you find out?

She didn’t cover her tracks nearly as well as she thought. Then I got into their WhatsApp chats. I know when, where and have hired a private investigator to prove it.

Try not to get too wrapped up in her having an affair. What's done is done. Try to enjoy what you can today with your kids.

This is good advice. If the marriage is over then it’s also time for you to get over her affair. You’ll just be hurting yourself and (indirectly) your kids by obsessing about it. Probably better for you not to get into the details, that will make it harder to forget.

[Anonymous]

"we were due for a change anyway"? Okay. It sucks - for you and the kids. Just be the stand up guy so that when you are long gone, they can say" my dad through a horrendous time proved what a great man he was"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"we were due for a change anyway"? Okay. It sucks - for you and the kids. Just be the stand up guy so that when you are long gone, they can say" my dad through a horrendous time proved what a great man he was"

Was also wondering what you meant by “we were due for a change anyway.” ?? Weird. Anyway, sorry you’re hurting, OP. You will feel so much better in time.