Irritated with my husband, but am I wrong?
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Anonymous
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What “errands” does a person have to do all day every Saturday? And who just drives around?
He’s either sitting at work watching tv, at a bar all day, or with a girlfriend all day. Totally weird. |
Anonymous
It seems they are both refusing to participate in things the other finds important. Counseling is not a get my husband to do things my way all the time to. For counseling to work the both need to make changes and I’m not sure they are willing to do that. |
Anonymous
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OP, do you enjoy being around your husband? What’s it like when he is around? Is he nice to your child?
These are the questions to focus on, not Saturdays (which I agree his habit is weird but I would tolerate if answers to above were good) and Christmas trees. |
Anonymous
I do enjoy being around him. I do love him and don’t want to get divorced. I just don’t know how we find a way to communicate our needs to each other in a constructive way so that we both feel heard and understood. |
Anonymous
Op said he also likes to visit friends and family. Some people like to wander. I’m like that and not drinking or having an affair. My kids come with me |
Anonymous
| OP, it sounds like he feels the need for some time to himself. He uses Saturdays as his time. Everyone needs that down time. But all day every Saturday is a lot. Could you suggest that he uses Saturday to run errands and have some time to himself, but reserve Saturday afternoon/evening for date night? Then, Sunday could be your family day? |
Anonymous
I don’t have any doubts that he is by himself (or whoever he says he is with). He is not a drinker and I don’t think he would have an affair. |
Anonymous
| Sure he's not having an affair? I'd find out where he goes all day Saturday. Get a GPS tracker off amazon and put it in his car. |
Anonymous
That is basically what we’ve been doing. I do all of the must-do stuff on Saturdays so that we can hang out on Sunday. I just wanted the tree done today because it’s a lot of work and I wanted to relax tomorrow. |
Anonymous
| It sounds like you both over estimated on parenting. He doesn’t love the actual work of being a step dad or just parenting. And you don’t want to share parenting responsibilities. It’s probably not going to work out long term unless you sit down and discuss. |
Anonymous
Then don’t put up your Christmas tree on Saturdays. Accept that this is what he’s going to do, decide if you can live with it or not, and if you can, then move forward. This is how people stay married. |
Anonymous
| He just drives around all day on Saturday? You think that’s acceptable in a marriage? |
Anonymous
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Some people are not ready to dive right into the next holiday right after another holiday. If he wants some time off to just relax and get some "normal" stuff done, that is totally understandable.
If you truly want family time to celebrate Christmas, pick a day that sounds good to BOTH of you. |
Anonymous
I would pull out all the decorations and decorate the house and yard. I would set up the tree and put the lights on, but hold off on ornaments. Make some cookies, put on Christmas music, and when he gets home, everyone helps put ornaments on the tree. My husband (of 30 years) hates the hassle and the logistics of decorating. But he likes putting ornaments on the tree. It's all about compromise, OP. Most men don't care nearly as much about decorating for Christmas as women do. Not a popular statement, but it's true. |
Anonymous
| You start by saying you are on the verge of divorce. Without knowing the bigger issues that each of you have with the relationship, it is hard to analyze one little issue about a Christmas tree |